Do you know about Plan A/B and what they are all about?
Yeah, I do. And I think in the real world the only Plan A that works is in a Dead Bedroom where the person implementing Plan A is the low libido spouse. Which is statistically zero in real life.
The rest is just duded-up advice most normies (who aren't immersed in marriage advice forums) would give, except it's rules and nomenclature would make most average people look at anyone explaining like they had two heads.
Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the good grift MB has going. If people want to throw money at you, more power to you.
But marriage is about compatibility. If your spouse is cheating on you, you aren't compatible. Most average people get that.
Originally Posted by star*fish
What I appreciate about Plan B for instance--is that if a BS can successfully disengage from the affair and do some self-nurturing, they are infinitely better off if the marriage cannot be saved.
I wouldn't call it self-nurturing. I would call it "the need to figure out what's wrong with you, because you want to stay with someone who is incompatible with you".
I was separated and had filed for divorce when I did what I called my plan B.
So you believe everyone who has an affair does not deserve a chance to repair their marriage?
The North Carolina girl never intended to be in this situation.
Pregnant at 15.
Marrying the 17-year-old father.
But it was 1996.
And the girl lived in Eden, a conservative town bordering Virginia, with a population around 15,000 and a community that believed the only thing a girl could do in this situation was take responsibility for becoming pregnant and make it right. “It was very shaming and very uncomfortable,” said the girl, now a 40-year-old woman.
Agreeing to marry the father, court documents show, led to years of abuse, which she’s still trying to escape.
And her experience is being repeated with teenagers in North Carolina today.
CHILD MARRIAGES IN NORTH CAROLINA Under North Carolina law, 14- or 15-year-olds can marry if they become pregnant and 16- or 17-year-olds can marry with a parent’s permission.
gaslighting A common form of brainwashing in which an abuser tries to falsely convince the victim that the victim is defective, for any purpose whatsoever, such as making the victim more pliable and easily controlled, or making the victim more emotional and therefore more needy and dependent.
Often done by friends and family members, who claim (and may even believe) that they are trying to be helpful. The gaslighting abuser sees himself or herself as a nurturing parental figure in relation to the victim, and uses gaslighting as a means for keeping the victim in that relationship, perhaps as punishment for the victim's attempt to break out of the dependent role.
Example 1: If an abusive person says hurtful things and makes you cry, and then, instead of apologizing and taking responsibility, starts recommending treatments for what he or she calls "your depression" or "your mood swings," you are in the presence of a gaslighter.
Example 2: If someone insults you or criticizes you, and then pretends it was a joke and asks "Don't you have a sense of humor?", that's gaslighting.
Perception blaming is a common form of gaslighting, and a common technique for evading the consequences of one's actions. Example: "I'm sorry you perceived my words that way; it wasn't my intention." Translation: "You are perceptually defective. Everyone else in the world can read my mind; if you can't, there must be something wrong with you. Or so I'd like you to believe." Unspoken Message: "My intention should change your actions (even though it didn't change mine)." This presupposes the reasoning "Most people are judged for their actions; but *I* want to be judged for my unseen intentions."