I know many people who do not have any of the 9 red flags above. Since getting deeper into what I want in life and cleaning up my boundaries around what I have in my life, I now know many, many more. Normal has no objective definition. What a person considers normal and abnormal is a reflection of what that person most often sees in his/her life. I'd submit that anyone who thinks that everyone has one or more of the 9 issues listed above that s/he take a close look at who and what they are allowing in their lives. I do believe we all know people with one or more of those flags, but when everyone you know has them...I think that's a red flag.

Why would a man who is just interested in sex be evaluating someone for a committed relationship? I'd say that man definitely has issues, since purely sexual relationships are where hooking up and FWB come in. Basing a complex, committed relationship like marriage purely on sex isn't a sign of a responsible adult decision. Then again, I'd also question the personal issues behind a woman considering marrying such a man. The shape of your genitals doesn't determine - or affect - a person's risk of either mental illness or poor decision making.

Now, the advice to find someone with shared values is something with which I wholeheartedly agree. It's also one of the more difficult things to attempt. Quite a lot of people live their lives without truly understanding and accepting their actual values (ACT can help with that). Mostly, we try to say we value what society tells us we should value. Without focused inner reflection and acceptance, few people are in a place to honestly convey their values. Others just simply lie, because the infatuation says they need the relationship. Therefore, they don't want to put it in jeopardy. That's where red flags can come in very handy.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens