The decision to give up on saving the marriage is a difficult and sometimes lonely decision. And the legalities can be overwhelming and confusing. Talk to other people who have survived the shark-infested waters and helped make the transition as productive as possible.

Thanks for creating this space for those of us who are at this stage. I feel a bond with people who really tried to work on their marriages, and it's great to have a community with them.

I am glad to see this addition to the board, as well. Good stuff

Thank you for creating this forum, starfish! Just so you know, I didn't throw in the towel- it was thrown ON me! So I am surviving divorce because he filed for it, he pushed it through.

I hope you are aware that is the case for many of us--as more trickle in from DB

starfish, when I saw this thread, I thought you were talking about yourself!

me too!

I'm feeling this way now:

I'm moving on and bettering myself. I'm not even hoping she'll come around. She's in lala land with a new man.

Great for her.

I'm getting me better, with or without her. IF she somehow decides different (which she won't. she's one of the most stubborn people I've ever met), then I will deal with that then. At the moment, she is an immature woman who doesn't love me, and doesn't honor her commitments. She obviously has NO idea what marriage is or is supposed to be. Oh yeah, she doesn't love me. Why would I pursue her? Why would I want THIS woman to raise my kids?

I'm solely focused on moving on and bettering myself. If she betters herself, MAYBE, SOMEDAY, she can have a shot at ME.

I am an attractive, intelligent, caring, man, with a strong orientation towards family. I can find a woman who will be those things as well.

I just deserve better. It COULD be her one day, but that's not up to me, and I'm not waiting for her.

I'm looking forward to feeling the same way you do. You're so right about deserving someone that you can trust & will love you as strongly as you do them.

How long did it take you to get to this point? What steps are you taking to better yourself? I need to be doing those same things. Just having trouble getting one foot in front of the other.

Once you do decide to throw in the towel do you feel the need to explain why to your wife or husband or do you just move on and let them wonder what's up? Part me is thinking about sitting down and telling my WH exactly why I am done. Another part of me wants to just tell him it is over, let him know what to expect from the attorney and leave it at that. Then one last part of me just wants to have the papers sent without another word. I have a feeling any "talking" would be for me because he doesn't hear me anyhow.

What have others done?

Bizarre to see myself here 4 months ago.

I didn't have a sit-down with Ex#2, and I wish I had. The issues were long-standing, I'd already filed for D once and let it drop, he disappointed me (failed to keep a promise) again, and I filed without any further discussion between us. I wish I'd had it out, because then I wouldn't be second-guessing myself as badly.

Even though H was the one who initially brought up divorce, I will be the one filing. I spent more thant a year trying to make it right. I did all the 180's, the DBing, focusing on myself and trying to be a better person. Then it hit me that I realized no matter what I did, it would never be enough for WH. He's looking for an out, and blaming me for his unhappiness is simply his way of disengaging from the marriage.

I got involved with an old friend through Facebook and ruined my marriage. We've been divorced now for over a year and I regret that I threw it all away for a fantasy. I am still in contact with my ex and after all I put him through he is still willing to talk to me. For awhile he would not have anything to do with me until we had a family crisis come up. I realize now what I lost. I want to make things right again and it seems like he is willing to give us another chance. I know I need to tread lightly and would like some help on how to mend a broken relationship. It is very late and I probably won't be able to read any replies until late tomorrow but thank you if anyone can help.

tmoma

It's called PEA poisoning. Also a lack of ethics, morals and values. Convince him that you have learned your lesson in life and you might get him back.

I suggest you start a thread of your own in whichever forum fits you the best - from your POV, and posters will offer up their take. Lots of details lacking - but that is normal, it takes time to tell a story.

Larry

Your husband is not me however if my wife were to finally say (14 months after dday).. I truly am sorry I really regret what happened can we try to work this out then there would be a chance. Of course the old relationship is dead and gone. It is history. A new foundation can be built if moth parties want to try and maybe recocilliation is in your future. Start with being friends. That is what people smarter than me say.