Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 3 guests, and 34 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.How to deconstruct a marriage.0
2.I am Sick, I am Sad, and I am needing some support.0
3.SIHW is back and Dealing with issues....0
4.looking for some support0
5.Social Networking Sites and Infidelity0
6.Signs of Infidelity0
7.The Difference Between Cheating and Infidelity?0
8.Not really sure how to survive0
9.The Five Big Lies That Keep You From Changing0
10.Pregnant and getting put out of the house by my husband0
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Does anyone remember this story?3
Validation to find-win-win slutions2
Things men want3
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation9
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
more >>
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
The Wedding Vows #189100
12/16/11 07:46 AM
12/16/11 07:46 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
Board of Directors
AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
Board of Directors
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon


Most of us have been married; therefore, we've had our wedding vow experiences. So, let's discuss it for those preparing to marry.

What did you vow? Why? What advice would you give to a couple deciding upon their vows?


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: AntigoneRisen] #189231
12/16/11 09:17 PM
12/16/11 09:17 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline

Member
Lil  Offline

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
What did you vow?
I love you.... and I am proud that you have chosen to take me as your Wife/Husband.
I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful Wife/Husband, for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, and I promise to stand by you always, as long as we both shall live.

Why?
The initial affirmation of love was because I was 22 and considered a bit young, and because someone said I was marrying for security, not love.
The proud bit came from DH and referred to the fact that I was dating someone else before DH proposed.
As Christians it was important for us to have God as a part of our vows.
We both liked the traditional aspect of the 'for better..' so included them BUT I refused to have the 'obey' part of the wife's vows as I had seen it thrown in the face of a woman a couple of months before, and I did NOT want DH to ever have the same ability.
The standing by each other forever was partially youthful PEA romance I guess, and partially referred to the song we picked for our first dance together.
What advice would you give to a couple deciding upon their vows?
The church we got married in had a book with a copy of all the vows people had used over the previous few years. The lend it to couples to look over and decide what, if anything, they might wish to include to personalise their own vows. We found it helpful, and saw a lot we thought naff, but a lot we though would be special for us. I think we wrote several versions before we settled on the final ones. We keep a copy of them in our wedding album.

In January we celebrate our 16th anniversary. If I was to marry him again, I would have something in them about promising to keep doing the things for him that made him fall in love with me in the first (and second wink ) place.



AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: Lil] #191413
12/28/11 03:36 AM
12/28/11 03:36 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
Board of Directors
AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
Board of Directors
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
I can't remember the exact text of my wedding vows. I know that no appeal or blessing from any deity was involved.

I did make sure that I wasn't agreeing to anything to which I could not truly commit. Thus, I agreed to stay married under acceptable conditions. I have always made very sure that no hint of unconditional commitment is given, as I would never agree to something I consider completely absurd and lacking in basic boundaries.

Some things are breach of contract, and my continued commitment to the marriage under those circumstances is by no means assured: abuse, neglect, infidelity, abandonment, addictions, etc. I always make sure that these things are clearly communicated, as is my intent to only commit to an egalitarian relationship.

I would not suggest that anyone even HINT to me that the word 'obey' could possibly be included or considered. That person had better be a fast runner. smile

My advice is to make sure what you are vowing is something you are willing to do. Flowery words and poetic fantasy may make for a good Lifetime Movie of the Week, but they are a less than palatable reality.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: AntigoneRisen] #191474
12/28/11 08:01 PM
12/28/11 08:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,219
Florida
Gladstone Offline
Board of Directors
Secretary
Gladstone  Offline
Board of Directors
Secretary
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,219
Florida
I don't think the word "obey" was in my brother's wedding vows, but at his service my sister did a reading from the Bible, the passage that tells wives to submit to their husbands.

I remember telling her afterward that it was so not that way in my marriage...


**Formerly known as Cuthbert Calculus**

"There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots."

Glad Tidings

Gladstone's Sucess Story
Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: Gladstone] #191480
12/28/11 08:33 PM
12/28/11 08:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
Board of Directors
AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
Board of Directors
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
Quote:
but at his service my sister did a reading from the Bible, the passage that tells wives to submit to their husbands.


To each his/her own.... (said while fighting a grimace)


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: AntigoneRisen] #191481
12/28/11 08:39 PM
12/28/11 08:39 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,219
Florida
Gladstone Offline
Board of Directors
Secretary
Gladstone  Offline
Board of Directors
Secretary
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,219
Florida
I have heard of it the other way 'round... I heard of one couple where the husband submitted to the wife and they justified it by appealing to that passage and then to the passage where it says God is no respecter of persons, that there is no male or female for Christ.


**Formerly known as Cuthbert Calculus**

"There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots."

Glad Tidings

Gladstone's Sucess Story
Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: Gladstone] #191502
12/28/11 09:21 PM
12/28/11 09:21 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline

Member
Lil  Offline

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Quote:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Eph 5:22


I quite like that verse. I tell DH I'll start 'submitting' when he can confirm he is prepared to be tortured and crucified for me.

So far he hasnt taken me up on the offer grin


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The Wedding Vows [Re: Lil] #191503
12/28/11 09:24 PM
12/28/11 09:24 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 9,381
TX
CajunRose Offline
Member
CajunRose  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 9,381
TX
Originally Posted By: lildoggie
Quote:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Eph 5:22

I quite like that verse. I tell DH I'll start 'submitting' when he can confirm he is prepared to be tortured and crucified for me.


ROFL

I like the traditional vows, with "cherish" substituted for obey. I balked when the priest told me that obey was standard, and xH knew better to even have that argument. I also made it perfectly clear to both of them before the ceremony that I didn't intend to be in an open marriage, and that my vows did not include an automatic pass for infidelity. The priest realized quickly there was no use trying to change my mind.


Current spouse: Night. D10, D9, S7

About me

You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

http://www.divorcedmomfinances.com

Newest Members
Love_Smacked, starfire, JoyfulMimi, bruers, shattered72
2048 Registered Users
Latest Topics(Posts)
Hearts Blessing4
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
63 Marriage Facts1
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Updates Divorce Stats4
no more rainbow members?9
BR - The Art of War - Sun Tzu5
Questions & Answers About Marriage---responses from 7-10 year old kids4
seeing new members on mobile version5
Return of the Goddess31
Community Information
2048Members
1Penalty Box
6Suspended

42

Forums
8500Topics
463377Posts
 
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1
(Release build 20180111)
Page Time: 0.017s Queries: 14 (0.004s) Memory: 3.1820 MB (Peak: 3.3653 MB) Zlib enabled in php.ini Server Time: 2021-10-23 13:22:58 UTC