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The Original 8 Cow Wife #203453
02/01/12 08:43 AM
02/01/12 08:43 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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The 8 Cow Wife


When I sailed to Kiniwata, an island in the Pacific, I took along a notebook. After I got back it was filled with descriptions of flora and fauna, native customs and costume. But the only note that still interests me is the one that says: "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows to Sarita's father." And I don't need to have it in writing. I'm reminded of it every time I see a woman belittling her husband or a wife withering under her husband's scorn. I want to say to them, "You should know why Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife."

Johnny Lingo wasn't exactly his name. But that's what Shenkin, the manager of the guest house on Kiniwata, called him. Shenkin was from Chicago and had a habit of Americanizing the names of the islanders. But Johnny was mentioned by many people in many connections. If I wanted to spend a few days on the neighboring island of Nurabandi, Johnny Lingo would put me up. If I wanted to fish he could show me where the biting was best. If it was pearls I sought, he would bring the best buys. The people of Kiniwata all spoke highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet when they spoke they smiled, and the smiles were slightly mocking.

"Get Johnny Lingo to help you find what you want and let him do the bargaining," advised Shenkin. "Johnny knows how to make a deal."
"Johnny Lingo! A boy seated nearby hooted the name and rocked with laughter.
"What goes on?" I demanded. "everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then breaks up. Let me in on the joke."
"Oh, the people like to laugh," Shenkin said, shruggingly. "Johnny's the brightest, the strongest young man in the islands, And for his age, the richest."
"But if he's all you say, what is there to laugh about?"
"Only one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!

I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. Two or three cows would buy a fair-to-middling wife, four or five a highly satisfactory one. "Good Lord!" I said, "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away." "She's not ugly," he conceded, and smiled a little. "But the kindest could only call Sarita plain. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she'd be left on his hands."
"But then he got eight cows for her? Isn't that extraordinary?"
"Never been paid before."
"Yet you call Johnny's wife plain?"
"I said it would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow."
"Well," I said, "I guess there's just no accounting for love."
"True enough," agreed the man. "And that's why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get special satisfaction from the fact that the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."
"But how?"
"No one knows and everyone wonders. All the cousins were urging Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny'd pay only one. Then Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said, ‘Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.'"
"Eight cows," I murmured. "I'd like to meet this Johnny Lingo."
"And I wanted fish. I wanted pearls. So the next afternoon I beached my boat at Nurabandi. And I noticed as I asked directions to Johnny's house that his name brought no sly smile to the lips of his fellow Nurabandians. And when I met the slim, serious young man, when he welcomed me with grace to his home, I was glad that from his own people he had respect unmingled with mockery. We sat in his house and talked. Then he asked, "You come here from Kiniwata?"
"Yes."
"They speak of me on that island?"
"They say there's nothing I might want they you can't help me get."
He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."
"Yes, I know."
"They speak of her?"
"A little."
"What do they say?"
"Why, just..." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."
"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.
They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused.
"They wonder why."
"They ask that?" His eyes lightened with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"
I nodded.
"And in Nurabandi everyone knows it too." His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."
So that's the answer, I thought: vanity.

And then I saw her. I watched her enter the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still a moment to smile at the young man beside me. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right. I turned back to Johnny Lingo and found him looking at me. "You admire her?" he murmured. "She...she's glorious. But she's not Sarita from Kiniwata," I said.

"There's only one Sarita. Perhaps she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata." "She doesn't. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."
"You think eight cows were too many?" A smile slid over his lips. "No. But how can she be so different?"
"Do you ever think," he asked, "what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two?" This could not happen to my Sarita."
"Then you did this just to make your wife happy?"
"I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands." "Then you wanted -"
"I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman."
"But " I was close to understanding.
"But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife."

The First Posting


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
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Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Lil] #203459
02/01/12 11:21 AM
02/01/12 11:21 AM
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TC_Manhattan Offline
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This story is priceless..

Thank you for this.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: TC_Manhattan] #203477
02/01/12 02:01 PM
02/01/12 02:01 PM
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believer Offline
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Thanks, Lil.

My friend in Mexico and his wife called Sunday. She was a 2 cow wife. They now have their own house and a 5 month old baby girl and are very happy.

I just love that story!


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: believer] #203525
02/01/12 04:40 PM
02/01/12 04:40 PM
Joined: May 2011
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ISawTheLight Offline
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Great story, it illustrates that when you truly give you get.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: ISawTheLight] #203530
02/01/12 04:47 PM
02/01/12 04:47 PM
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Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
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Just makes me cry


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Squeaky Tree] #203601
02/01/12 08:22 PM
02/01/12 08:22 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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I have always loved this story. It is inspiring for both sexes and really shows how the love bank, respect and deep caring love all work together to make a loving relationship.


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Lil] #203829
02/02/12 06:33 PM
02/02/12 06:33 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Hmm..so the moral of the story is---the more you pay for something, the better it appears to be?

I guess that's the same concept behind designer labels.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: *~aeri~*] #203870
02/02/12 08:19 PM
02/02/12 08:19 PM
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Surface of the sun
silentlucidity Offline
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No...the more you value something, the more value it brings to your life. That's what I get.

I adopted my new doggie from the local shelter. She had already been there for over a month, so she was pink-lined, meaning she was on her way out...they were going to euthanize her soon. I was told I only had to pay $15 for her, where the normal rate is $85. I paid $85, cuz she is just as valuable as the rest (and the shelter could use the money to stop pink-lining doggies). She is a fantastic companion. She is valuable to me.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: *~aeri~*] #203875
02/02/12 08:29 PM
02/02/12 08:29 PM
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TC_Manhattan Offline
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Originally Posted By: *~aeri~*
Hmm..so the moral of the story is---the more you pay for something, the better it appears to be?

I guess that's the same concept behind designer labels.


I'm not sure the point of the story was regarding an inanimate object. I think it had to do with demonstrating and validating his wife's worth to him to her.

We can have our self-esteem validated through the esteem and respect demonstrated by others. That's my take.

Respect and appreciation can do wonders for a relationship.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Lil] #203978
02/03/12 03:06 AM
02/03/12 03:06 AM
Joined: Jun 2011
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Texas
Deedee Offline
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"Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself."

I think my problem in the past was thinking too much about myself while thinking that I was of no value to my ex.

I'm sure Im not making sense with my yo-yo thoughts so I think I'll just be quiet and read. smile


DFWW - me 50+
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On my way to a new happy life!
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: TC_Manhattan] #204318
02/04/12 06:28 AM
02/04/12 06:28 AM
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Quote:

I'm not sure the point of the story was regarding an inanimate object. I think it had to do with demonstrating and validating his wife's worth to him to her.


It definitely was NOT about an inanimate object--that was clear. Much LIKE an inanimate object however, the woman was traded for 8 cows.

This story doesn't warm my heart although I'm sure it's meant to be heartwarming of it wouldn't have been posted. For a couple of days I've been mulling over it.

Paying a higher price for a wife that many felt wasn't WORTH the high price DID NOT really make her more beautiful. As I understand the story, the woman felt better about herself because the man THOUGHT she was worth more. This feeling of high self-esteem made the woman hold herself in a way that changed her appearance and made her seem prettier.

I'm not 100% sure about this assessment. If it's correct, then I have an issue with a woman's self-worth being so closely tied to what others determined it should be.

Quote:
We can have our self-esteem validated through the esteem and respect demonstrated by others. That's my take.


If my self worth can be validated by others, that means it can also be INVALIDATED by others. That's a rather precarious stand that leaves a person in a vunerable position.

My self-worth is determined only by ME. Should others show me respect and esteem, it's because I've earned it. Others do not have the power to revoke that.

Last edited by *~aeri~*; 02/04/12 06:33 AM.

Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: *~aeri~*] #204320
02/04/12 06:53 AM
02/04/12 06:53 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Yeah.

And then there are other cultures which measure the value of someone different to the way the rest of us do it.

I see it like :I know that when my husband praises me up in public, I get more of a rush, than I do when we are at home, alone. I still like it, but not the same.

8 cows in public, 8 cows in private... I like it best when others see how much DH values me.


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
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Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Lil] #204332
02/04/12 12:47 PM
02/04/12 12:47 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
This story warmed my heart for the same reason that Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney Movie...

Somebody was wise enough and had enough depth to see past the outside.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: herfuturesbright] #204666
02/05/12 05:12 PM
02/05/12 05:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
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Having always been someone to take care of themselves and knowing my value it makes me cry just because it would be so lovely to have someone shout out about you like that.....not quite good enough for my mum, always felt good enough for dad, but he never said so and J only says so if I ask for it....so wow t someone so wise as to be able to value someone else out loud.

Let us all pay someone a compliment every day.


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Squeaky Tree] #204738
02/05/12 09:41 PM
02/05/12 09:41 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
((((ST))))

I have also learned - quite the hard way - that it is dangerous to let someone into your life who has a way of shooting those cows one by one.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: herfuturesbright] #204827
02/06/12 02:31 AM
02/06/12 02:31 AM
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Quote:
I see it like :I know that when my husband praises me up in public, I get more of a rush, than I do when we are at home, alone. I still like it, but not the same.


I don't want my H praising me in front of others. If he has something nice to say about me, I want him to say it when we're alone. Sharing the things you love about your spouse is such an intimate thing--why would you want or even CARE to have someone else hear it?

I'd expect my H to be hurt if I told him that his praises count MORE to me if OTHERS are privy to the information.

WHY does it mean more when others hear that your H loves you and appreciates you? What is the connection? What am I missing?

Quote:
Somebody was wise enough and had enough depth to see past the outside.


I agree that this was the message behind "Beauty and the Beast" (also my favorite Disney movie, BTW) but in this story, there was no mention of whether Johnny knew this woman personally before he traded the 8 cows. We can't jump to conclusions and assume that he traded the 8 cows because he fell in love with her personality. If that was clear from the story, I would have NO issue with it!

Quote:
I have also learned - quite the hard way - that it is dangerous to let someone into your life who has a way of shooting those cows one by one.


HERF--exactly the point I made earlier in the thread.

When you allow someone to dictate your self worth, you are essentially handing over the gun.


Quote:
Let us all pay someone a compliment every day.


I've often wondered what I could possibly offer to MA. If I had the chance, I'd love to write articles on the importance of knowing your OWN SELF WORTH. I feel SAD when women are left all warm hearted over an article like this!

So, yes--pay everyone a compliment each day, but don't forget to pay YOURSELF a compliment, as well! You're worth it!



Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: Lil] #204868
02/06/12 07:30 AM
02/06/12 07:30 AM
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flowmom Offline
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interesting source of this story, according to wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Lingo_(1969_film)

Last edited by flowmom; 02/06/12 07:34 AM.

we: me44 + my husband Pookie :9: + S9 + D6
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: flowmom] #204871
02/06/12 12:50 PM
02/06/12 12:50 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
Aeri, I think you do make some very valid points, some I wish I had learned a very long time ago. But, in the end, I do want the man I love to value and adore me as well. In fact, that is a must. To many women settle for a man who acts as if they should be thanking their lucky stars they have him while he treats them with....less than care. That should never be.

I am going to treat him like an 8 cow husband, and I would like the same.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: herfuturesbright] #204876
02/06/12 01:27 PM
02/06/12 01:27 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Quote:
But, in the end, I do want the man I love to value and adore me as well. In fact, that is a must. To many women settle for a man who acts as if they should be thanking their lucky stars they have him while he treats them with....less than care. That should never be.


That goes without saying.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: flowmom] #204877
02/06/12 01:28 PM
02/06/12 01:28 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Quote:
interesting source of this story, according to wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Lingo_(1969_film)


We think alike.

The first thing I did was Google it--I was dying to know the source of the story.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: *~aeri~*] #204884
02/06/12 02:10 PM
02/06/12 02:10 PM
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Quote:
If my self worth can be validated by others, that means it can also be INVALIDATED by others. That's a rather precarious stand that leaves a person in a vunerable position.


We are open to the influence of others. We filter it, yes. But if you made less than everyone else at the office, it wouldn't feel as good as being the one who got the top bonus, right? I felt great this year when I got a raise. I don't think that's a negative reflection on my self worth. Folks have feelings, that doesn't make them bad or awful.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: NewEveryDay] #204891
02/06/12 02:41 PM
02/06/12 02:41 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Quote:
But if you made less than everyone else at the office, it wouldn't feel as good as being the one who got the top bonus, right? I felt great this year when I got a raise.


My value as an employee is different than my value as a wife.

As an employee, I negotiate a contract that suits me and my employer so that I am never paid less than what I deserve. If the position evolves to a point where I am working more and being paid less, I ask for a raise. If it is refused, I go to another employer who values my services enough to pay me what I'm worth.

Your JOB is about dollars and cents. Your marriage isn't.

Quote:
I don't think that's a negative reflection on my self worth. Folks have feelings, that doesn't make them bad or awful.


No one said that having feelings makes a person "bad" or "awful" (at least I don't think?) but I did question WHY Lildoggie feels a bigger "rush" when her H compliments her in public.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: *~aeri~*] #204915
02/06/12 03:59 PM
02/06/12 03:59 PM
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
I think it is a balance. I am not responsible for making someone else feel good about themselves. But I AM responsible for how I treat people. Am I also responsible for how I allow people to treat me? Of course.....but that does NOT absolve me of the responsibility for how I choose to treat others. I have seen a trend in some circles that very neatly absolves one of any responsibility whatsoever except to themselves. And it might sound very nice, but it isn't the real world, and I don;t even think it is accurate.

So I can see how it is not healthy for a woman's perception of how many "cows" she is worth to be dependent on her husband. However, if her husband messes with her head, is apt to turn on her, and has ginormous narcissistic tendencies...then yes, he IS responsible for the affect that has on her.....whether it suits him or not.

Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: *~aeri~*] #204970
02/06/12 06:42 PM
02/06/12 06:42 PM
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The Farm
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I relate to feeling extra-good about hearing public praise. I'll try to explain it. There are several different ways to consider it. The order I give them doesn't necessarily reflect that the first example I give is the more applicable in my case or any other.

For one example: A husband might tell his wife "You look fine" when asked, or say that dinner is great, or might praise her looks in private when he knows it is expected of him. But he could just be saying what is expected of him, or what will result in a more pleasant evening. For a wife to find out he's been telling his friends how great she looked the other night, or how great a cook she is, or how great a mom, it holds more weight because there is less chance he is just saying it for her benefit, and it's more likely to represent how he truly feels.

Also, I'm not a man so I am not sure but I get the feeling that it is less common for guys to sit around talking about how great their wives are. Complaints seem fairly common, if anything is said, even if it's said in a joking manner. Therefore to actually say good things about your wife to someone else seems like a pretty big deal. If he's willing to say it in public and go against the "norm" of complaining, it is again an indication of how highly he must think of her.

It also shows a willingness to demonstrate publicly how he feels. Being nice to someone behind closed doors but not in public shows a lack of sincerity, no matter how nice they are in private.

I guess I'm saying the same thing in different ways. It sort of boils down to demonstrating sincerity.


42.
Re: The Original 8 Cow Wife [Re: herfuturesbright] #204992
02/06/12 07:41 PM
02/06/12 07:41 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline
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Quote:
However, if her husband messes with her head, is apt to turn on her, and has ginormous narcissistic tendencies...then yes, he IS responsible for the affect that has on her.....whether it suits him or not.


The point is--if you get all mushy over the fact that your H has complimented you or paid 8 cows for you, you have poor self-esteem to begin with!

Had the woman known her value without having it all tied up in what her H thinks of her, he wouldn't have been able to tear her down.

Quote:
For a wife to find out he's been telling his friends how great she looked the other night, or how great a cook she is, or how great a mom, it holds more weight because there is less chance he is just saying it for her benefit, and it's more likely to represent how he truly feels.


Really? My feelings are the exact opposite!

I never assume that my H is giving me compliments because he has to; nor do I assume that a compliment he makes to his buddies holds more weight because it's not...coerced? Yikes!


Last edited by *~aeri~*; 02/06/12 07:51 PM.

Married my best friend 7/23/05



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