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Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Chailover] #7416
09/30/10 06:22 AM
09/30/10 06:22 AM
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Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Lil  Offline OP

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Oh it knocked around on a few different threads, and forums and name changes. Flick 'found' me and it created a small amount of chaos for a wee while, but no big matter - most people figured it out after a while.


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #7417
09/30/10 06:22 AM
09/30/10 06:22 AM
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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The 'Re-exposure' e-mail for D-day#2

Dear all,

I am sorry for the impersonality of this email, however I was quite distressed to inform everyone the first time and I find that repetition has not made it any easier.

WH and I are once again separated.

While he has been in England he has not upheld the one concrete boundary I requested of him, he has continued to contact his affair partner. Indeed, I have discovered he never stopped contact, even when he came home.

I find myself having too much self-respect to be dragged into another intolerable situation, and so have requested that until he can completely separate himself from her, that he removes himself from our family. The girls are already hurt and confused by his behaviour, they do not need to be exposed to more.

I am still willing to reconcile and work on our issues, but it would appear he would rather fix the relationship with her. I feel that I have worked hard to get us to this point and am disappointed by this outcome.

Again, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I would like to thank all those who have supported me with prayers and a friendly shoulder.

Love Lil


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #8466
10/05/10 09:56 PM
10/05/10 09:56 PM
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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The blog is sort of stalled at the moment due to: Moving - 3rd time since D-day, work - asked both jobs for reduced hours....both agreed and this week I am doing more hours than ever, and the start of the new term at uni for me and home school for DD14.

At this current rate I will get some time off about December....

On the other hand my marriage is wonderful. Years wasted in hurt and anger and one up man-ship, when it could have been like this all the time.


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #8541
10/06/10 05:43 AM
10/06/10 05:43 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,690
SoCal
Chrysalis Offline
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Originally Posted by lildoggie
T
On the other hand my marriage is wonderful. Years wasted in hurt and anger and one up man-ship, when it could have been like this all the time.


Aw, Lil, this makes me so happy, you can tell flick I said so.


Chrysalis
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Chrysalis] #9584
10/11/10 07:16 PM
10/11/10 07:16 PM
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Lil Offline OP

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Will do smile

Quote
WS babble I heard from the WH:

keeping in mind PQ is bi-polar..

"I like her simple life style"
"if you ever tell her I'm still sleeping with you I will never forgive you"
"why cant we be friends"
"I havent been happy for years" (real original, that one)
"Her H is a w*nker" (my response "It took her 4 kids to figure that out?")
"Im just helping her with her computer problems"
"She is more than just a ****, she is my friend"
"I dont want to give up her friendship"
" I know you dont trust me" (no dah!)
"she is a good person"
" I only want $20,000 of our house sale money you can have the rest" (that lasted maybe 3 days before wanting much much more)
"If it wasnt for her, I would come back to you"
"She has dumped me. Just kidding"

Geeze, I could go on forever. The fact of the matter is that active waywards are CRAZY, and half of what they say is bull, and the other half is sh**. If their mouth is moving, they're lying.


Quote
Yeah he really said that, and yes he was an **** - then. Now he's rather lovely. I was getting pretty cynical by that stage so all I said was "I'm not that lucky" to which he laughed.

I remembered another fogism, during the FR he said to me something like "I couldn't live with her, I would have to buy a house next door to her"
Freaking weirdo

I tells ya, waywards are crazy.

Its the PEA poisoning.

Last edited by Lil; 11/21/12 08:34 PM. Reason: adding babble taken from my marriage builders thread

AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #9758
10/12/10 12:35 PM
10/12/10 12:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
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Not quite here
I remember when I first met you and how dark it all seemed and yet you were months ahead...
and now look at you!


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Squeaky Tree] #10285
10/14/10 12:29 AM
10/14/10 12:29 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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When was that? Please dont make me go over there and look it up smile

I remember first reading your stuff and then you, verve and I all decided that we should become FB friends for accountability reasons. That back fired a little, but your still my FB friend, even if 'someone' thinks I have the wrong kind of friends grin

Quote
Err..., I broke into my then WH's profile and wrote a message that sounded like he was confessing. I did do it in anger, not vinditivness. I do not regreat doing it at all. Then using his profile I blasted PQ. All their workmates INCLUDING THEIR SUPERVISOR were on their 'friends lists'

Both Flick and PQ lost any chance of getting their temporry contracts renewed, and she had to move out of town, back to her parents due to the lack of funds.



Of course she then sponged on Flick long distance but thats another story.

Funny addtional story I learnt later... the weekend after I did it there was a work party. The theme was 'Bad taste'. Flick and PQ where told they could not both come, only one or the other as even that was in too bad taste.

Last edited by Lil; 11/21/12 08:39 PM. Reason: adding post from marriage builders

AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #10642
10/15/10 01:41 AM
10/15/10 01:41 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
N
Not2fun Offline
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{{{{Lil}}}}}

I'm having some "lil" WD's...... grin

I'm so happy for you and your move....

And if ya want, I may not have any drawers you can borrow, but I do have some luggage..... grin

Sending you and Flick and all of yours some wonderful kissies.....

Not


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Not2fun] #10710
10/15/10 07:01 AM
10/15/10 07:01 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Aww thanx sweety.

I am really struggling to get some quality computer time between work, moving, school, home schooling and Flick taking 2 weeks off work to get some stuff done so our B&B is ready and operational on Nov 1st. I do get the odd peak in but rarely get time to say much constructive, and my 'construction zone' stuff.... forgeddahboutit!

I think I might get a couple of hours tomorrow but this is not my only forum, just my favourite. I am not faithful to MA LOL! grin


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #10725
10/15/10 07:47 AM
10/15/10 07:47 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Ooooooh!

I have to say somewhere and this'll do.

Flick, Dd14, SIL and I are going to...

*drumroll*

The rocky horror picture show.

On STAGE!!
AND

Narrated by none other than Richard O'Brien - the author - who has moved back to NZ.

I so HAVE to go as Magenta. Or Colombia. Or maybe Janet grin

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP!!!!!


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #10727
10/15/10 07:48 AM
10/15/10 07:48 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 394
Steadfast & Committed Offline
Man of few words
Steadfast & Committed  Offline
Man of few words
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 394
Don't forget the squirt guns and Scott Tissue!


Saving marriages, fighting infidelity, preventing divorce; that's what we do here!
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Steadfast & Committed] #10728
10/15/10 07:49 AM
10/15/10 07:49 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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I propose a toast!

*audience throws pieces of toast on stage*


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #10730
10/15/10 07:52 AM
10/15/10 07:52 AM
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Looking4 Offline
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It's just a jump to the left...

Have a blast and don't forget the toast and a newspaper.


Married 19 years
Two children - DS12 & DD10
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Looking4] #10734
10/15/10 07:57 AM
10/15/10 07:57 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Lil  Offline OP

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New Zealand
Props:

Rice Newspaper Water Pistol Torch Rubber Gloves

Noisemaker Confetti Toilet Paper Toast Party Hat

Bell Cards

Not permitted at the Prince Charles:

Candles Cig Lighters Naked flames Hot dogs Prunes

Flour Hair Gel


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #10735
10/15/10 08:01 AM
10/15/10 08:01 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Lil  Offline OP

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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #15487
10/31/10 09:15 PM
10/31/10 09:15 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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5 years ago, I decided I would rather shoot myself than work with my husband EVER again. I also thought I didnt like him very much back then... my, how things change.

So as y'all know we bought a B&B which we will operate togather, but still keep our days jobs (and I still H/S DD14 and do my courses)

Today is the BIG day! Our first paying guests come soon and I am as nervous as all get out. I wish Flick was here to hold my hand LOL!

I don't care what programme people choose to fix/repair/restore their marriage, find something and get to WORK on it already! I would never believe in a marriage this good for anyone, let alone myself.

Now off to clean something and see if I can work off some anxiousness grin


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #15493
10/31/10 10:19 PM
10/31/10 10:19 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
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I'm gonna hug ya lil, and I can't wait to be one of your guests.


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Squeaky Tree] #15556
11/01/10 05:05 AM
11/01/10 05:05 AM
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Posts: 1,737
Vittoria Offline
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I just know you'll be the hostess with the mostest! thumbsup

While I can't wait to sign that guest book myself, I think it will be awhile. frown



26 yrs. married
There's nothing more powerful than a woman with an open heart ......
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Vittoria] #15572
11/01/10 08:29 AM
11/01/10 08:29 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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well so far, so good. Fingers crossed and all that.
I can (and am) doing the actual service stuff - clean cups, top up milk jug, change towels etc, but not really interested in the people. Well more that I am not good with small talk and complete strangers. Flick is doing all that, and he is very good thank God.

ST & V, I have a bed for you ANY TIME. I will kick out paying guest for you smile


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #15689
11/01/10 07:45 PM
11/01/10 07:45 PM
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Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
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Not2fun Offline
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awwwwww....Lil, I just wanna cry for you!!!!!!

{{{{{Lil}}}}}}

I'm so excited for you....let us know how it goes???

Not

ps....we all should have a race to see who gets down there first!!!!! Last one in is a rotten egg!!!!! Oh, and if *I* ever do make it down there, I expect no breakfast (way too early for me... grin), just a late evening snack..... dancing


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Not2fun] #15691
11/01/10 07:53 PM
11/01/10 07:53 PM
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Well it's ok, but I am wondering why I had to boil an egg when it said clearly on the info sheet we prove a CONTINENTAL breakfast.

Just waiting for them to leave.

Well...they've paid up now, no point in them hanging around grin


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #16424
11/04/10 12:13 AM
11/04/10 12:13 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Just for the FB friends I have here, I've posted some pics of our work on the B&B. There's still work in progress on 2 rooms - one gets complete tomorrow YAY!!!



AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #18047
11/08/10 08:34 PM
11/08/10 08:34 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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I see there are a lot of hurting newbies on MA today, this post is directly for you.

If you read the first couple of pages of my blog, you'll see my M was in as much trouble as anyone else who has discovered the betrayal and then finds that it isn't going to be one of those situations where the wayward souse says "I'm sorry, I'll get rid of him/her, I want to be with you"

No, you find yourself in the horrible position of having to 'compete' with the OP, to prove to your WS that you are a good spouse, that you do love them, and you are willing to work on the M if they will recommit.

Flick was horrible to me during the A. I still have a photo in amongst the 'A box' of the expression he used every single time he looked at me. Part anger, part contempt, part hate.

This week my DH has phoned me about 3 times eveeyday from work. I didnt ask him to, he just started doing it. He says thinks like "your so beautiful, I miss you, your the most wonderful person in the world."

Fighting an A is so hard, and so draining. The PTSD it gives can be just as, if not more crippling long term. Was it worth it?

Lil ----> hug <----- Flick

Yes. It was smile


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #20237
11/12/10 09:03 AM
11/12/10 09:03 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Got a HORRIBLE trigger today - saw something that made it appear PQ was about and playing games. Turned out to not be so, which was great

BUT

The reason I shared that was, my reaction/response to the perceived threat was NOT: go into tear related melt down, demands for affection and comfort, or even talk to Flick about it. I made a plan of attack to determine the level of threat, and followed thru with it.

More and more I believe we are genuinely recovered. Any issues we have are related with conflict in marriage. Yes I get the odd trigger, thank you PTSD , but I dont feel threatened by the past.

In other news, I still love my house and my B&B, but not my milking job so much or my pub work. I have 5 papers left to complete and then school is O.V.E.R! I am very much looking forward to things like spending more time in the gardens and writing my little lessons for church.





AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Lil' Blog [Re: Lil] #20238
11/12/10 09:05 AM
11/12/10 09:05 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Lil  Offline OP

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Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Not that I have anyone to play this game with anymore.... I got 9 in a row on active topics. I love posting when the rest of you are asleep grin


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


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