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Re: Spying 201 [Re: rwinger] #25432
11/20/10 07:16 PM
11/20/10 07:16 PM
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Chris Offline
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Is e-Blaster illegal?

I am very worried about this. My spouse originally agreed to the monitoring but he is now saying he doesn't recall agreeing to it.

I just found this on Wikipedia:

Quote:
Illegal

Some of Spectorsoft's tools, especially eBlaster can be used for criminal activities, and there have been several convictions for such misuse. Spectorsoft software contains an EULA[19] which specifies installation must only be on machines owned by the licensee. The EULA also indicates that SpectorSoft will only cooperate with law enforcement when compelled to do so.
[edit] Spouses

Spectorsoft has marketed its spy software to people wanting to catch their spouses cheating[20]. However, in the face of criminal charges and negative publicity, Spectorsoft no longer markets its products to spouses[21]. There is however nothing to stop a spouse from using the products illegally.

For example, a man from Michigan who installed eBlaster on a partner's personal computer was charged with four felony counts, facing up to five years in prison and $19,000 in fines. [22].


Here's the link from the reference:

OMG! Please read this.

Click me

Last edited by Chris; 11/22/10 12:38 PM.

ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #25437
11/20/10 07:28 PM
11/20/10 07:28 PM
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Chris Offline
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I may have jumped the gun. We both live together & we both own all computers in the home. We jointly pay for all expenses including Cable & Internet. So, what I did was basically install a program on a computer which I own.

That man and his wife were estranged & living separately.

Still - I would like to see what the legal eagles here have to say.

Should we be snooping in this way? Can we get into trouble for doing it?


ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #25457
11/20/10 08:00 PM
11/20/10 08:00 PM
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Chris Offline
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Here's some other stuff I found which is of concern:

http://www.gruberlaw.biz/pdf/spying-on-spouse.pdf

http://marriage.about.com/od/trustissues/a/spying.htm
Very surface level and easy to understand writing but it summarizes the point nicely in a way which contradicts Harley's teachings:
Quote:
Bottom Line
If you've reached a point of believing you have to spy on your spouse, is there enough love and trust left in your marriage for it to survive?


http://www.anonequity.org/weblog/archives/2007/09/for_better_for_worse_or_until.php

Read this one!--> http://www.iwanyshyn.com/CM/Articles/Marital-Cybertort.pdf

Last edited by Chris; 11/20/10 08:01 PM.

ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #25459
11/20/10 08:06 PM
11/20/10 08:06 PM
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Chris Offline
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Quote:
Snooping on Your Mate: Finding the Truth or a Criminal Act?

Your instincts may tell you your partner's up to no good, but does your suspicion give you carte blanche to operate a home-based spy operation? Apparently, a lot of people think so. Thirty-six percent of married adults admitted to surreptitiously looking at a partner's texts or e-mails in a Retrevo.com study. A similar study by an Australian mobile phone provider showed that one-third of cell phone users read another's text messages without permission, with women more likely than men to snoop. Forty-five percent of the snoopers in the Australian study reported finding flirtatious or sexual texts. But there are downsides to snooping on a partner, whether it confirms a suspicion or not.

Snooping can be a relationship-killer. The act of snooping breaks trust in a relationship. California marriage therapist Jay Slupesky said in an MSNBC Redtape interview that therapy addresses a partner's concerns about infidelity more effectively than spying.

When snooping becomes active rather than passive, it may lead to legal complications. Audio-taping another person without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions. Not only will such tapes prove useless in divorce court, they may land the party who secretly created the tapes in legal hot water.

If a spouse discovers pornography and decides to print a copy, or transmit a copy to counsel, therapist or friend, that, too, can lead to legal troubles. Both possession and transmission of child pornography are prohibited under federal law, and someone accessing Internet porn has no means of verifying the age of the subject in the pornographic images.

Installing spy software involves murky legal issues, particularly where a computer is jointly owned property. Installing spyware on a computer belonging to someone else is illegal, but when it comes to family computers, the issue of ownership is often blurry. What one spouse considers private property may legally be marital property owned by the spouses in common and vice versa.

Understanding federal law and the laws in your state is essential to knowing your rights whether you are the spy or the spied-upon spouse. Before you start snooping for possible infidelities of your spouse, speak to an experienced attorney first. A lawyer can explain your rights and best options available to you under the law.


Source: http://www.divorcepage.com/CM/Articles/Finding-the-Truth-ora-Criminal-Act.asp


ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #29435
11/28/10 07:44 PM
11/28/10 07:44 PM
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Chris Offline
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Jeez.

Is someone going to address this or do I ned to get a person who is well-liked on forum to post the question?


ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #29465
11/28/10 08:38 PM
11/28/10 08:38 PM
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
I'm sorry. I never look here much.

My take is that there is something to be said for snooping and NOT finding anything. If I snoop and nothing is there, I am probably not going to do much more snooping. However, if I snoop and find something.....well, apparently I was right to be suspicious.

It would be interesting to see how many cases there have been where the snooping spouse really did incur consequences for finding something. Well, not for finding something, but how many people make a legal stink about being snooped on because it brought to light something they had no business doing anyway.

My brother had some really problems with underage alcohol and stuff in HS. part of mom and Dad's tough love was hauling him to get a blood test any time they were suspicious. Funny....the only times he got mad about being tested was when he WAS drinking.....

Re: Spying 201 [Re: herfuturesbright] #29466
11/28/10 08:42 PM
11/28/10 08:42 PM
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Chris Offline
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I read that a woman tried to sue her phone company for inadvertently revealing her affair to her H.

IDK...the stories here about people getting arrested for spying are scary to me. I would like to know the truth.



ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #29482
11/28/10 09:06 PM
11/28/10 09:06 PM
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
I have to say it makes the "justice" oriented part of me mad. They cheat and then the betrayed spouse gets in trouble for finding out???

I know that MB had a lot of spying resources as well as some input from attorneys. I never had to do that so I didn't read much of it.

Re: Spying 201 [Re: herfuturesbright] #29510
11/28/10 10:05 PM
11/28/10 10:05 PM
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Larry Offline OP
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To the best of my knowledge, the only input from Lawyers on MB was by a Tax Attorney who was not necessarily qualified to speculate on the liability of snooping.

I would say that Seeks or johnstwin would be the best two sources on here for the question. Seeks is usually very responsive to legal questions. She likes to answer, usually.

Larry



Last edited by Larry; 11/28/10 11:05 PM.

It's often the truth we hide from ourselves that causes the most damage in life.

My old email address no longer works.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Larry] #29523
11/28/10 11:10 PM
11/28/10 11:10 PM
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Quote:
Audio-taping another person without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions.


This is true. In Texas, it is, last I checked, illegal to tape record a conversation without the other party's consent for any "tortious or other injurious purpose."

Quote:
Both possession and transmission of child pornography are prohibited under federal law



This is true. If in doubt, call the district attorneys' office as opposed to the police.

Quote:
Installing spyware on a computer belonging to someone else is illegal.


Also true, a point I tried and failed to make on the other site. I found the wholesale recommendation to install keyloggers legally alarming.

I think the other point that is being occasionally missed is that should the couple end up in divorce court, the spying spouse can be painted as some deranged revenge driven lunatic who has no respect whatsoever for privacy or is so intent on securing custody there are no lines they will not cross. Given the right set of facts, I could easily paint the spying spouse in such a light that the finder of fact might well conclude "I don't blame the cheating spouse one bit for wanting to get away from that controlling whack job."

Not saying it's right -- just that there is risk.

Please don't shoot the messenger!


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: LadyGrey] #29991
11/30/10 12:30 AM
11/30/10 12:30 AM
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Chris Offline
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SB, I was basically bullied into installing that keylogger.


ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #30100
11/30/10 06:28 AM
11/30/10 06:28 AM
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Chris, that may or may not have been the right thing to do for you. Every single situation is different, and I hope that the decision to so that brought you some peace. I don't know your story, although you are on my list of people I am going to research for sure!

I will say this though. The first I heard that such a thing as a keylogger existed was on another site when it was suggested to me that offering to have a keylogger installed on my computer was an essential part of just compensation.

I actually did offer the keylogger, with a very dim understanding of what that meant and the certain knowledge that he would not openly accept it. After reading on that site for a few more weeks, I devoted the better part of a week researching how I could tell whether he had put a keylogger on without my knowledge. I asked him if he had (he said no), then based upon what I read on that site, I went back and looked at every credit card and bank statement for the last six months for anything inexplicable, then I downloaded four different software programs which promised to tell me if there was a keylogger present. That was what I did for the entire month of August. I was on a seekingbalance mission, and when I get on a mission, ain't no stopping me. For an entire critical month, instead of trying to talk to him, I tried to figure out if he was spying on me.

Mistrust piled on mistrust piled on mistrust.

I HAD to know that the relationship between me and my words was safe, and here, on this laptop, is where my words live.

Had my H chosen to install a keylogger, I would have completely stopped journaling (HUGE for me) and, more importantly, researching on, much less posting on marriage support websites. I would have been even more isolated than I already am.

Had he chosen to do so without my consent, there is no way he could have maintained "not knowing". And I can't imagine how I would have dealt with it.

I was recently advised on that same site that the fact that I would not offer and would decline a request to take a polygraph was proof positive that either (1) I am a liar, and/or (2) I am not 100% committed to recovering my M and oh, her poor husband probably is being tricked thinking she has changed.

I'm a tad stronger now so those words didn't much impact me. He knows the truth to the extent he wants to, and I am SO committed to recovering my M that I actually found the suggestion otherwise humorous.

Every situation is different. There is no one size fits all when it comes to anything related to marriage. In some cases, a keylogger may be a good weapon in the arsenal. In other cases, a keylogger will be a shot in the marital foot.

The trick is to take the time and understand the nuance enough to give the poster the information to make the subtle judgements involved, trust that they know their situation well enough to exercise that judgement for the best interests of their marriage, and nudge them if you think the poster is blind to something you see as obvious.

So, for me, had my H shown up at a site (pause to stop laughing) and been more or less commanded to install a keylogger on my computer or else it was clear to the site that he was completely unwilling to man up and do what was needed to save his M, well, for us, that would have been seriously bad advice. I think my H would have tried to explain the intimate relationship between me and my words, which he totally understands, but that would have been drowned out in the agenda.

Maybe I should post this on Peer Counseling instead of here.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: LadyGrey] #30104
11/30/10 07:55 AM
11/30/10 07:55 AM
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Larry Offline OP
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You're doing fine Seeks wink

I have been around the world of keyloggers for years. And I have seen a lot of bad and a lot of good advice concerning them.

They are of limited utility and when needed, should be used and then discarded like the kleenex they are.

In my own limited understanding, they are useful in determining if there is or isn't an affair. If there is an affair, what details are discovered that might aid in busting it up. Finally, is the affair over?

Exploring the development of thought processes is eat up with misunderstanding as someone works to get their head on straight.

People go through all sorts of mental convolutions as they try to cope with reality and use whatever tools they have or acquire along the way to help. A keylogger is only going to be a snapshot and that is just a moment in time that does not measure where that same person will be five minutes from now.

And thus only serves to screw things up, in my opinion.

Last edited by Larry; 12/12/10 04:42 PM.

It's often the truth we hide from ourselves that causes the most damage in life.

My old email address no longer works.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Larry] #30151
11/30/10 02:30 PM
11/30/10 02:30 PM
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Chris Offline
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{{{SB}}}


ChrisInNOVA2@yahoo.com
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Chris] #34561
12/12/10 04:43 PM
12/12/10 04:43 PM
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Larry Offline OP
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Time to bottom line this thread.

The best book for the subject at hand is found at:

http://www.ultimatebetrayal.com/

Buy it and read it.

I am locking the thread in preparation for collating and developing content. If anyone wants to add something, drop me a PM.

The end.

Larry

Last edited by Larry; 12/12/10 04:45 PM.

It's often the truth we hide from ourselves that causes the most damage in life.

My old email address no longer works.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Larry] #44287
01/03/11 08:48 PM
01/03/11 08:48 PM
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believer Offline
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Some Good Info on Polygraphs

Saw this on SI and got permission to copy it. I thought it might go with the spying stuff.

I INSISTED that my husband take a polygraph. He claimed that it was "only" an EA. That there was absolutely no sex or physical contact and no "I love you" exchanged. He confessed the situation. I did not know in advance and probably would never have known without his confession.

The exam is only as good as the examiner administrating it. I chose person that had trained the RCMP for 30 years.

Although my husband tried to delay taking the exam because it EMBARRASSED him he took it and passed it with flying colours. He had not had any physical contact with her. He had never told her, or had her tell him that they loved each other. He had never had any other relationship in the 20+ years of our marriage.

I wrote the questions. There were approximately 12 of them. You do need to know WHAT KINDS OF THINGS YOU CAN ASK. They have to be "Yes" or "No" based questions. You cannot ask anything speculative such as, "Are you ever going to cheat on me again?" It has to be something that has already happened and is fact based.

Examples of valid questions are:

1. Did you have sex with X?
2. Did you kiss X?
3. Did you tell X that you loved her?
4. Were you going to leave me?
5. Did you lie about any of the details of this relationship?
6. Have you ever cheated on me before?

Examples of questions that you CANNOT ask are:

1. Why did you cheat on me?
2. Will you ever cheat on me again?
3. Are you in love with me?
4. How many times did you? (kiss, have sex..whatever)
5. Can I trust you?

Now, my husband passed his test. I had told him that if he failed any questions that our marriage was over. I meant it. I am STILL hurt and angry
over it FOUR YEARS later, and his EA was not as bad as many that I have read about. Still, even an EA that was confessed to without discovery or any physical contact or expressions of love still is betrayal and it is heartbreaking. I KNEW that I would NEVER have been able to reconcile had it been physical or had he told her that he loved her. Many people on this site HAVE been able to move forward with reconciliation after a PA has been discovered. They are the true heros on this site. I don't have that much forgiveness in me, but that is ME.

I have been consulted by many people on this site because of my successful use of the polygraph. I have referred others to my examiner. Sadly, for most people, this is NOT possible as he is located in Ontario, Canada.

I have to warn you, WhyMe87, that WS's who PASS the polygraph are few and far between. In fact, none of the people that contacted me have had their spouses pass the test. I am sure that there ARE other spouses who have passed, but they are not the ones that have been in contact with me. I had one person's BS contact me and when he failed the FIRST time, he swore that the polygraph was WRONG. He took it again and FAILED. He took it again and FAILED. He had three different examiners and he failed all three exams. The WH insisted that all the tests were wrong. The BS finally accepted that her BH was lying and ended the marriage.

Sadly, what others say is true and that is that the BS will often wait until minutes before the polygraph and THEN confess some details. If that happens, I would advise you to make sure that the test is carried forth with modified questions. There is ALWAYS more than what is confessed at the last minute. My husband did NOT change her story at all. I was WAITING for him to do it but he didn't and he did pass. He still was unfaithful, but he did fully disclose everything.

Cheaters are also LIARS—all of them. PERIOD. My husband has LIED to me, but it was not about the EA. (((sigh)))

As for him BEATING the exam—don't count on that. LOL My examiner was BRILLIANT. He made sure that my husband KNEW that he would get caught if he lied by doing this simple test. He had a list of numbers on cards from 1-10. He asked my husband to pick a card and then to respond, "No" to him every single time that the examiner asked him IF the number was the one that he chose. Then, he SHOWED my husband the results and my husband could see for himself that the chartings went INSANE when he LIED about the number. All other nine numbers had very identical readings, but the time that he LIED stuck out like a sore thumb.

The only people that pass with a great examiner are people that are psychopaths and people that drug themselves almost to oblivion.

So, IF you have a good examiner and NOT one that took a weekend course on how to administer the polygraph, you should be fine.

I was VERY HAPPY that I had my husband submit to the polygraph. It was the best $500 that HE ever spent. What... you didn't expect ME to pay for it, did you?

Finally, I will say to you what I have said all the people that have come to me asking my experience with polygraph and that is to hope for the best but to TRULY PREPARE FOR THE WORST. I hope that your husband passes, WhyMe87. You need to figure out what you will do, however, if he does not. Even if he passes, it is still very hard to move beyond—but many people do.

Cyber Hugs,

Totally Faithful
_________________________


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Spying 201 [Re: believer] #109872
05/23/11 10:15 AM
05/23/11 10:15 AM
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Lil Offline

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BUMPITY BUMP


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Spying 201 [Re: Lil] #111038
05/25/11 09:14 AM
05/25/11 09:14 AM
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Lil Offline

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Hmm, just thinking it is time to move this out of construction


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Spying 201 [Re: Lil] #117297
06/07/11 02:56 AM
06/07/11 02:56 AM
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Gateway to the West
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I agree Lil....

I got some info but this thread seems hard to find for those needing the info....

Not


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Not2fun] #136425
07/18/11 09:19 AM
07/18/11 09:19 AM
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Lil Offline

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http://www.spytic.com/user/default.aspx

Site claims "Copy9 download free software
in the phone monitor. Locate and view reports SMS, calls, url from your computer."

It then goes on to suggest uses including:
Individuals

* You think about your lost or stolen mobile phone.
* Locate it for free.
* Make a backup of your device data.


Professionals.

* Install the software on the phones in your business and locate in real time worldwide.
* Make sure your phone bills are justified for business use.
Parents

* Have your children going home after school? Consult their GPS position to be sure.
* Perform parental control internet sites visited from the phone.
* Keep track of messages exchanged, which can sometimes be dangerous.


I havent tried it, if someone does, please write a review. It could be a good tool


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Spying 201 [Re: Lil] #136929
07/19/11 12:41 PM
07/19/11 12:41 PM
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Larry Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: lildoggie
Hmm, just thinking it is time to move this out of construction


We have a sort of commitment from Manette - whatever her last name is, to do a guest thing here. She wrote the book on spying, so this article is in limbo until she does or does not make an appearance. Jury is still out.

Larry


It's often the truth we hide from ourselves that causes the most damage in life.

My old email address no longer works.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Larry] #151826
08/29/11 02:42 PM
08/29/11 02:42 PM
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I have some information to add to this thread as it pertains to my personal experience in my divorce, if you are still interested, Larry. And, since I've been able to use the information to obtain financial recovery in my divorce, I can document it for you, if you still want it. But, I need some time.
Just let me know.


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: poet] #151833
08/29/11 02:57 PM
08/29/11 02:57 PM
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P.S. I tried to go back to the place where I found this thread. There was another thread right below it that said, "more on spying," which I wanted to read. But now I can't find it. Any suggestions on how to find it?


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: Spying 201 [Re: poet] #152029
08/30/11 12:06 AM
08/30/11 12:06 AM
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Originally Posted By: poet1
P.S. I tried to go back to the place where I found this thread. There was another thread right below it that said, "more on spying," which I wanted to read. But now I can't find it. Any suggestions on how to find it?
The MA Directory


Chrysalis
Re: Spying 201 [Re: Larry] #237482
06/03/12 08:58 PM
06/03/12 08:58 PM
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Lil Offline

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Originally Posted By: Larry
Originally Posted By: lildoggie
Hmm, just thinking it is time to move this out of construction


We have a sort of commitment from Manette - whatever her last name is, to do a guest thing here. She wrote the book on spying, so this article is in limbo until she does or does not make an appearance. Jury is still out.

Larry


So, nearly 12 months later, can we say she may NOT be showing up?
grin


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


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