Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 10 guests, and 35 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.Ask Amy's very bad advice on affairs1
2.The Joke Thread1
3.Financial counselor says communication is key when mixing money and marriage - Grand Forks Herald0
4.Daughter says father made ominous threats if his wife sought a divorce - Portland Press Herald0
5.A Straight Spouse Of A Gay Husband Speaks Out0
6.Rise Above Past Relationship Failures - Psychology Today0
7.Toxic Relationship dynamics0
8.Women Who Don't Orgasm - Psychology Today0
9.Highspire man tried to kill wife in car crash after marriage counseling session went south, police say0
10.6 Ways to Recreate, Not Just Salvage, Your Relationship - Psychology Today0
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Does anyone remember this story?3
Validation to find-win-win slutions2
Things men want4
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation9
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
more >>
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Notable Post - FireAndIce - 'We Need To Hear It' #246929
07/14/12 03:25 AM
07/14/12 03:25 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

Lil  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569
New Zealand
Reposted with permission

Dear Time,

I'm a BW.

I wanted to weigh in here on the letter idea.

About two or three months ago, I was feeling very low. It was about the one year anniversary of d-day, combined with the holidays, and his cancer surgery anniversary as well. I was about as low as low can go.

I was thinking of walking away from the whole mess.

I BEGGED FWH to just tell me 3 things he liked about me. Just list 3 things on a sticky note, 3 things that were "okay" about me, that he didn't find "repulsive" or "disgusting" about me (see what I mean about feeling low about myself????).

He was in shock!

I thought it was because I asked him to write it down. So I said, "Could you at least, right now, just NAME ONE THING, so I can hang onto that?"

He wouldn't name one thing. Just shook his head, and remained quiet, with his eyes looking at the floor.

I was devastated.

He left the room, and I cried. He couldn't get past the fact that I thought he didn't love me, didn't think he could find even one thing likeable about me, and that I had disregarded his whole year of efforts to show me his remorse over the affair. That I had ignored his efforts, had not seen his changes, and that he had NO chance to fix things.

I was devastated because I was just so depressed that I was feeling worthless and could not see his side at all.

I thought we were NOT communicating.

But he did hear what I said. I was sitting there focused so much on myself, my pain, my devastation, and FWH was listening - and I thank God for that. I thank my FWH for his ability to see my pain and do what he did.

He went to his computer and started on a list.

He came back about 15 minutes later, and told me that he couldn't write it fast enough to make it "okay" tonight. That he would just have to hold me for now, and dry my tears, but he needed time to think about the list. But that he WOULD write my list. I focused only on the fact that he had to THINK to come up with something he liked about me (you see, I was in so much pain, I still thought he just didn't even like me). I was wrong.

Turns out, the list was not a list at all. It was a love letter with three things he loved about me. Each paragraph started with "I love you because..." and he finished each paragraph with so much more than just a list.

The last sentence said that he had trouble keeping the list to just three items. That he had trouble listing the "top three", because there were so many that could have been the top three. And that anytime I wanted, he would add to the list.

I have not needed him to add to the list.

Because he has been there for me, and has done everything I have needed him to do to help me through this mess.

So yes, write the letter.

And tell him why you love him. Tell him the best things about him - about who he is INSIDE, what he DOES that makes you love him.

Because he needs to know that you see it.

And, because he needs to know that you REMEMBER it.

And because he needs to remember it himself.

And because YOU need to remember it, too.

AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse

Re: Notable Post - FireAndIce - 'We Need To Hear It' [Re: Lil] #247032
07/14/12 05:16 PM
07/14/12 05:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,039
lost rabbit Offline
lost rabbit  Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,039
Fantastic Lil.. Just the inspiration I need right now.. (())

Once was lost but now found and happily married!

The story

Moderated by  Fiddler 

Newest Members
Love_Smacked, starfire, JoyfulMimi, bruers, shattered72
2048 Registered Users
Latest Topics(Posts)
Hearts Blessing5
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
63 Marriage Facts1
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Updates Divorce Stats4
no more rainbow members?9
BR - The Art of War - Sun Tzu5
Questions & Answers About Marriage---responses from 7-10 year old kids4
seeing new members on mobile version5
Return of the Goddess31
Community Information
1Penalty Box


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software
(Release build 20180111)
Page Time: 0.014s Queries: 14 (0.003s) Memory: 3.1294 MB (Peak: 3.2575 MB) Zlib enabled in php.ini Server Time: 2021-12-09 01:44:29 UTC