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7 Tips To Be An Awesome Husband - Joe Beam #264567
11/14/12 09:02 PM
11/14/12 09:02 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,073
SW Chicago 'burbs
Mark1952 Offline OP
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Mark1952  Offline OP
Board of Directors
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,073
SW Chicago 'burbs
Quote:
Even the greatest athlete benefits from coaching. Though I realize that husbands reading this likely are already awesome, I offer these tips as a marriage coach. Use them to go from great to glorious in seven easy steps.

TIP 1: Do Not Talk To Her As If She Is One of The Guys.

Listen to guy buddies talk about anything for more than five minutes and you likely will hear one of them let the other know that he is an idiot. When men talk with their male friends, they tend to be direct or even argumentative. They share their opinions freely and bluntly. They jokingly insult each other. They blast anything the other guy says that they do not like or agree with. They rarely stop to think, Am I being insensitive? Could I possibly be hurting his feelings? The guy code is to let the chips fall where they may.

Women are NOT like that.

If a husband talks with his wife in the same manner he talks with his buddies, his directness, bluntness, or argumentativeness may well cause her to feel disrespected or controlled. He thinks he is being honest and forthright. She feels he is being a jerk.

If you really want to be a better husband, understand that women speak a different language. Unless you learn to speak that language, you will never communicate on the deeper levels with her.

TIP 2: Make Sure That She Does Not Perceive You As Controlling.

The most common complaint we hear from women in our workshops for marriages in crisis is that their husbands try to control them. Interestingly, the husband usually counters with his view that she is the controlling one.

Eyes open and behavior changes only when each person realizes that his or her motive is NOT the most important thing; it is what the other person perceives that matters. In marriages in which the man actually is controlling, he typically has no clue that he is because that is not his conscious intent. By speaking his mind, criticizing her when she does not comply with his thinking, and arguing with her to get his point across, he believes he is treating her well. There is no motive to hurt. He may actually believe his intent is to help.

Many wives finally give up and give in when that happens. The husband may think he convinced her to view things his way. Most of the time, it is anything but that. Tired of the conflict and feeling she is being treated as an inferior, she yields simply to stop the conflict. That builds resentment within her and with time, resentment detonates. In a non-published survey of married couples done in 2008, 21% of wives stated that their satisfaction with their husbands as a mate had decreased because he is controlling, disrespectful, and argues.

To make sure your wife does NOT feel that you control her, concentrate on her feelings about what you say and do. If she genuinely feels that you treat her as your equal, you are doing it correctly.


Read more: http://www.marriagehelper.com/how_to_be_an_awesome_husband.php#ixzz2CEVxtlEU




mark1952.ma@gmail.com

I Was Thinking...

The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.-- Frank Pittman
Re: 7 Tips To Be An Awesome Husband - Joe Beam [Re: Mark1952] #264570
11/14/12 09:05 PM
11/14/12 09:05 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,073
SW Chicago 'burbs
Mark1952 Offline OP
Board of Directors
Mark1952  Offline OP
Board of Directors
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,073
SW Chicago 'burbs
Today, Joe made these two posts on Face Book:

Originally Posted By: Joe Beam
Your turn, wives. I posted an article "7 Tips to Become an Awesome Husband." Now I want to write "7 MORE Tips..." but I want them to come from wives. Email your suggestions to info@JoeBeam.com. Be sure to note in the subject line "husband tips."


Originally Posted By: Joe Beam
Yesterday I posted an article "7 Tips to Become an Awesome Husband." Okay, husbands, email me tips that I can use in an article "7 Tips to Become an Awesome Wife." Send your suggestions to info@JoeBeam.com. Be sure to note in the subject line "wife tips."




mark1952.ma@gmail.com

I Was Thinking...

The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.-- Frank Pittman
Re: 7 Tips To Be An Awesome Husband - Joe Beam [Re: Mark1952] #266533
11/30/12 04:49 PM
11/30/12 04:49 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Holy crow, that second one just summed up our problem in about 30 seconds of reading time!!


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: 7 Tips To Be An Awesome Husband - Joe Beam [Re: Miranda] #268219
12/11/12 12:55 PM
12/11/12 12:55 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,090
soolee Offline
Member
soolee  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,090
Mark, I hope you will post the second article when it airs.


Me: 53
Him: 53
Together: 34 years
Married: 27 years

"Aspire to Inspire before you Expire" Author Unknown

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Re: 7 Tips To Be An Awesome Husband - Joe Beam [Re: soolee] #268224
12/11/12 01:45 PM
12/11/12 01:45 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Marta Offline
Member
Marta  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Yep, you nailed it. Good job.


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