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The light at the end of the tunnel! #34879
12/13/10 05:25 AM
12/13/10 05:25 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,010
star*fish Offline OP
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star*fish  Offline OP
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Posts: 4,010
You've weathered the crisis....and now what? Learn skills for ending harmful habits, improving communication, and boosting compatibility. Get support for recovery after crisis, or preventing crisis and taking your marriage to the next level.


"Yes, I'll have the love combo, open faced with a side of respect and large a glass of forgiveness, easy on the ice please--my brother
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: star*fish] #192264
01/01/12 09:27 PM
01/01/12 09:27 PM
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 758
B
butty Offline
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butty  Offline
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B
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 758
I guess I'm wondering how many successfully recover their marriages. I would love to see some success stories?

Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: butty] #192270
01/01/12 09:34 PM
01/01/12 09:34 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,690
SoCal
Chrysalis Offline
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Chrysalis  Offline
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Posts: 5,690
SoCal
butty, here is a link for you. Success stories

And Welcome to MA! Here is a thread that has a lot of information for newcomers.

Welcome Wagon


Chrysalis
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: Chrysalis] #204966
02/06/12 06:39 PM
02/06/12 06:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 210
Canada
Crushed Offline
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Crushed  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 210
Canada
The title of this thread caught my eye. I've been posting on the infidelity/abandonment forum under the title "Long Term Affair". The folks who have responded have been so very helpful to me, supportive and enlightening. Although I take their good advise to be careful and aware, I think I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. We still have to define boundaries, make a more solid plan and take our marriage to the "next level".

What does that mean though? WH is very patient with my questions and the need to often discuss his A. He has NC with the OW and claims total devotion to rebuilding. We spend all of our free time together and have even had a few days of peace without negative emotion.

However, I feel that something is missing. Although I am not expecting him to come home and get on his knees asking for my forgiveness, I feel a bit frustrated knowing he can push the pain and shock of the A out of his mind much more often than I can. I don't want to always be bombarding him with my thoughts about the secret life he led, but I feel I need him to open that window to me and OFFER some insight.

What should he be doing to move forward in addition to being home every night, being accountable for his whereabouts during the day, calling me every couple of hours, and being available to talk whenever I initiate it? Why am I still obsessing? It's been just over 2 months since d-day.


"Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
_Mark Twain
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: Crushed] #204988
02/06/12 07:32 PM
02/06/12 07:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,737
Vittoria Offline
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Vittoria  Offline
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Posts: 1,737
Why are you still obsessing after 2 months since d-day ..... cuz it's only been 2 months since you found out that the person who you'd least expect to stab you in the back ... had in fact done that.
You won't feel like both feet are on the ground for approx. 2 yrs., I think that's when I could actually look back and see a big difference with how I was feeling in the M.

I meant to mention to you, Crushed, I'd read more on your thread after I'd done a post to you. Boy, I could've wrote so much of what you wrote. Can't for the life of me remember the details of what made think that now (without going back to read) but I had huge 'oh yeah's' on your thread.

There's some threads here in this forum that are helpful for what you are looking for. Good for you for being so focused on the future. I'll bump some up to the top for you.
You might want to start a thread over here or have yours moved over here. You can change the title of your thread if you'd like, up to you.


26 yrs. married
There's nothing more powerful than a woman with an open heart ......
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: Crushed] #205029
02/06/12 08:38 PM
02/06/12 08:38 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 94
Florida
wildwoodflower Offline
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wildwoodflower  Offline
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Posts: 94
Florida
Hello Crushed,
Welcome to recovery. My FWH and I are now almost 1 year since our D-Day and I must say I experienced many of the same feelings you described. In fact on the occasional "bad" day I still do. Overtime as he continues to earn back your trust, your good days will far out number your bad moments. And again over time your obsessing, hurt and even anger will diminish. It can be done with lots of patience and communitcation. You are in very good company here. Best of luck.

Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: wildwoodflower] #205346
02/07/12 05:08 PM
02/07/12 05:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 210
Canada
Crushed Offline
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Crushed  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 210
Canada
Thanks for the replies. I look forward to the days when these thoughts diminish. I feel that I can't concentrate on much else for any length of time.

I just posted on my original thread where it was also suggested by Ace to maybe move the thread here or start a new one in this "Recovery" topic.

I received a lot of support and good advice from posters there and I wouldn't want them to think that I have moved away from their support, but perhaps that is the way these forums work.

They helped me through the first devastating weeks of pain and confusion feeling shattered. Now maybe it is time to concentrate on Recovering, but I don't feel that I have recovered ME yet.

It's Tuesday today, and Tuesday was "their" day, so not a great one for me.


"Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
_Mark Twain
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: Crushed] #215063
03/14/12 12:02 AM
03/14/12 12:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 32
Pacific Northwest
FaithfulWifeCJ Offline
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FaithfulWifeCJ  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 32
Pacific Northwest
Well there you go, Crushed. Start with Tuesdays. RECLAIM Tuesday as "your day" wink Starting...well next week razz make Tuesday "Mr. and Mrs. Crushed Day". As an example, that's the day you get dressed up and wear makeup; the day you wear some new underthings and send him texts all day to make him guess what the new item is; the day you go out "grown up fun" together. Very clearly and very distinctly, mark Tuesdays as YOUR DAY.



FBS and FWS. Happily remarried 2006. Mom of 7--S31; S28; S25; S24; D22; S19; D17.
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: FaithfulWifeCJ] #215082
03/14/12 01:40 AM
03/14/12 01:40 AM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,334
Wonderland
20yrsdone Offline
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20yrsdone  Offline
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Posts: 3,334
Wonderland
We will follow you here Crushed. This is where you belong. You have done a fantastic job getting as far as you have in such a short time. I for one am very proud of you. FORWARD into a new life.

Hugs


Accept what is,
Let go of what was
and have faith in what will be.
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: Crushed] #288422
03/29/13 08:36 AM
03/29/13 08:36 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,887
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
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Orchid2  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,887
HI
Originally Posted By: Crushed
....Now maybe it is time to concentrate on Recovering, but I don't feel that I have recovered ME yet.


Orchid: Recovery is a longer journey for most than dealing with the A and it has it's own set of challenges. Just like it takes time for the mind and heart to sync up so the BS can move forward, recovery requires trust to be rebuilt and that takes time plus effort.

Originally Posted By: Crushed
It's Tuesday today, and Tuesday was "their" day, so not a great one for me.


Orchid: Sounds like your triggers are still strong. Let's start with what kind of closure do you think you need?


Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: Orchid2] #288425
03/29/13 09:25 AM
03/29/13 09:25 AM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,334
Wonderland
20yrsdone Offline
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20yrsdone  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,334
Wonderland
Orchid, do you realize the last post on this thread was a year ago?


Accept what is,
Let go of what was
and have faith in what will be.
Re: The light at the end of the tunnel! [Re: 20yrsdone] #288482
03/29/13 06:35 PM
03/29/13 06:35 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,887
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
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Orchid2  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,887
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No....my bad, but the questions may still be valid doncha think? wink

Need to kick up this part of the forum. grin


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