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The NG Story #328076
12/24/13 05:18 AM
12/24/13 05:18 AM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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DISCOVERY NIGHT

24 June 2009, a Wednesday, was THE day. My wife, instead of going to work, had to report for possible jury duty. (How ironic THAT would soon prove to be!) I, retired, just puttered around the house, spending a great deal of time on-line, in my volunteer gig as a sports official administrator. She got home around 11:00am (not selected), and decided to do a bit of shopping, leaving at 12:00, and returning at 5:00. I left soon thereafter, to officiate a game, returning at about 7:30. She had eaten, and was watching her favorite baseball team while attending to some e-mail. I joined her in the family room, having a late dinner, and watching the game as well. Sometime around 9:00, our daughter, living with us temporarily, came home, and wanted some advice from my wife. She left the family room, and went up stairs to converse. About 10:00, my wife came back downstairs, kissed me goodnight, and went upstairs to bed. I finished watching the game, watched the late news and something else I don't remember, and walked the dog. It was sometime after midnight.

Bringing the dog back into the family room, I noticed that in going up to talk with our daughter, and coming back down so much later, my wife had not turned off her computer (mine being a laptop at my desk upstairs), with the system having gone into "sleep" mode dark screen. I "awoke" it and saw that one of the active windows was her e-mail account. Not wanting to destroy anything she was working on, I opened the window and my life changed.

There it was the note to HIM, with the subject "Good Night".

Much of it has been memory-blotted, but five parts remain. She thanked him for the lovely afternoon on his boat, and was SO SORRY that her seasickness caused the excursion to end early; she told him how she had had to lie to me, to explain her "flushed" appearance on arriving home; she felt so much better after having a dose of "Vitamin D" (his initial); she referred to herself as "emotionally deprived"; and the last line before her sign-off was, "I love you."

Trying to explain my emotions at that moment is a waste of time. I have no words to describe my shock, and words right now is what I'm limited to. I do remember it registering that it was somehow all the worse dismissive? contemptuous? - for her to have typed that love-note to her new love while I was sitting in the same room.

I printed out the e-mail. I did not forward it to myself. (Stupid!) I did not even open the preceding note to the same e-address entitled, "Good Morning". (Stupider!) I held the paper in my hand for a minute, totally at a loss. I then walked upstairs to the bedroom. My wife was sleeping, of course. I carefully shook her awake and said "C'mon downstairs, we have a problem." I said it in a way to disguise the "problem"; she probably thought it was a broken pipe or something.

Back down in the family room, I handed her the sheet of paper and said, "I want you out of this house tomorrow. If I find you here tomorrow night, I'll kill you!" Her confusion quickly turned to panic when she saw what I had found. "No, wait, you don't understand"

I said something to the effect that I understood enough, and wanted her out of my house, and out of my life. Her response was, "No, I'm not leaving this house! It is all your fault!"

There can be few things she could have said that were more guaranteed to make things worse. Knowing I could not stand there, I stormed up the stairs to the living room level, and started pacing back and forth, and around the dining room table. She followed me up. "I was so lonely you were never here.. you didn't need me.. I thought you didn't love me anymore.. I needed someone to talk to..I wanted to tell you.." All of this increased, not reduced, my anger. By now our daughter was awake, watching us, and screaming at me. As I paced around the table, my wife grabbed my shoulder to stop me. I shook free and swung my arm backhanded to get her away, striking her glasses, which flew off. I kept telling her I'd kill her if I saw her the next evening. Our daughter then ran upstairs and called the law, but not before screaming at me, "You're a HORRID human being, I don't know how anyone could love you. I don't blame Mom!"

By the time they arrived (EIGHT of them, local and State - I must be a fearsome threat!) I had moved to the front porch (I had weapons inside, and wanted to ensure there was no confusion about them), and walked toward them showing my hands. They immediately cuffed me and THEN started investigating. And BOY were they surprised to find that nothing I had done (consisting mostly of "harassment") warranted cuffing me, so they had to come up with a charge to cover their butts. Since what they really wanted to do was get this over with and get back to their doughnuts, they coerced my wife into perjuring herself, getting her to swear out a complaint that I "recklessly" broke her glasses. Since they're over the $250 threshold BINGO! they had a case for the misdemeanor of "criminal mischief". While they were at it, they convinced her to request an OOP, which was now possible since she was the complainant in the misdemeanor case against me.

So I'm whisked off to the substation, where I was photographed and fingerprinted. The time now was maybe 5:00am (it takes a long time to suborn perjury, it seems). The officers then called around, and woke up a local judge to arraign me before their shift was over (and all the doughnuts gone). About 6:00am, in a courtroom scene that lasted ten minutes, I was arraigned, served with the OOP, informed that the law officer would take me home, stay there while I grabbed what stuff I could, and see to it that I left the premises.

That is what happened, so, in something less than a normal work-shift, I had discovered my wife was in love with another man, and EXACTLY what my always-a-problem middle-child thought of me; had a bogus criminal charge lodged against me; been arrested and arraigned; been thrown out of my house; and was left living in my car with my laptop, cell phone, and two large duffels of clothes. I knew my life was over, and all I wanted was to make someone else as ruined as I was.

I knew where OM lived. I knew of his crappy marriage, to a woman with very little attention to give to her husband. Killing him would do nothing to him, really; he'd just be dead and I demanded his suffering. Killing his harridan of a wife would be doing him a big favor (Her dead, me out of the way, either in jail or dead as well, leaving him and my wife to console each other?) Ahh, but the apple of his eye his eleven-year-old son now THERE was my target.

I drove to OM's address, and parked just down the road, waiting for my target to leave the house on the way to school. I had a tire-iron, and a hooked utility knife. I realized that a strange car with an occupant parked in a rural/suburban development might raise suspicions, so I took out my cell, and every time a car drove past, I pretended to be talking into it, while holding up a clipboard, acting as if I were getting more precise directions.

The cell-phone was the downfall of my plan. While fiddling with it between "acts", I opened the contacts list, and there rolling down in front of me were dear, dear, friends, colleagues and family, people who held me in high regard, people with whom I could NOT leave a final impression of myself as a child-murderer. I drove away.

(I'll skip most of the rest of that day, as it involves a personal interaction between me and my God, about whether to, let's say, take the "self check-out line" in the sucky supermarket I found myself in. There was extended negotiation, and something of a small miracle/sign, as I was leaving the church.)

Late that afternoon I contacted OM by phone. I told him I knew of their "date" the prior day. I told him to NEVER contact my wife again, or my telling Mrs. OM would be the least of his problems. He begged me not to inform his wife, as she was recovering from a minor operation. (Nice, huh? His wife is at home recuperating, while he's out "dating" mine!) I learned much later he made one call to our home to (reportedly) ask my wife if she was okay, and cry to her that he was terrified of being forced to testify not his finest hour! That was their last interaction.

That Thursday night I spent with my friend and his family. I did not sleep an hour, after no sleep the night before. Friday remains a hazy image of more time on my knees at church, and wandering aimlessly. I later learned that my wife spent most of Friday being "straightened out" and de-fogged by a very close friend of our family. If there is one, this lady is the hero in this story. She is the sister my wife never had, able to address her straight up "YOU did this, and NG is paying the awful price! You'd better get this fixed!" without fear of the consequences. (A female NeverGuessed, if you will.)

Meanwhile, I had managed to get myself assigned to officiate a tournament that weekend far enough away that housing would be provided. On the way to the venue Friday evening, I received a call, and stopped in to consult with that family friend who had been reshaping my wife's head so well. She told me that she was very worried that my wife was nearing a total breakdown, as the enormity of what was going on, which basically she had put in motion, came crashing down upon her. Not having any viable means of addressing that, I continued to the tournament.

About 8:00am that Sunday morning, I realized that there was some information that I needed to get to my wife about financial issues, but the terms of the OOP prohibited calling her (or her calling me). I did however, have a private line at home, and I called that one, leaving a message I hoped she would hear. (I figured if this all came out in court, I could claim I was calling to get my own messages.) That afternoon, I called the number again, to expand on the first messageand she answered. (She explained that she had been sitting at that phone for hours, praying I'd call back.) She sounded as destroyed as it is possible to sound. She begged me to come home that night, screw the OOP, we'd go to jail together if necessary, but she could not live without me.

I drove home late Sunday night, sat awhile in the car in the driveway, finally working up the courage, and faith in her, to walk to the door and ring the bell. Our recovery started as she opened the door.

Postscript: The following February, OM underwent some minor elective surgery. He heart-attacked and died on the operating table; evidently, negotiating with the Almighty can work. I can literally piss on OM's grave if I want. He's not worth it; he never was.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328077
12/24/13 05:20 AM
12/24/13 05:20 AM
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GETTING THERE

I met my future when I was a college sophomore, and she a high-school senior, about to enter my college's sister-school. We met in April, and there was no doubt she was THE ONE. We secretly pledged ourselves to each other that July. She was everything I'd ever imagined as my life-partner independent; fiercely bright; beautiful; possessing a great sense of humor, and appreciation of humor in others. She had been raised in a very sheltered environment highly ethnocentric family; the very much "baby" sister of two imposingly large older brothers; an honors graduate of an upper-tier NYC female-only parochial high school and had almost nothing in the way of internal appreciation of her own worth. She was always skeptical of compliments, and never really absorbed them. She had one other quality that is difficult to describe she did not think or act like a "girl". As we went through school, she was much more at ease with my classmates than even with her own. For her whole life she was never one to have a lot of "girlfriends". I was her first boyfriend (and lover), and I was fully confident she'd be my last.

We were a couple for four years (she graduating in three-and-a-half), married, and had three years of extended honeymoon. Eventually she convinced me to start a family. The plan was for her to take a year's leave and return to work. At the end of that year, however, she was six months into her NEXT pregnancy, and yet another followed soon thereafter three children in thirty-five months.

That set in motion some elements that would take over a quarter century to fully impact us.

First, my wife was a WONDERFUL mother, devoted to raising our children well. She eventually remained out of the employment pool for ten years. Our children got the best she had to offer care, education, guidance but there is a cost to that. If they were getting the best, I certainly was not. I fell to a distant fourth in her attention.

And remember we went from two people living on two salaries to five people living on one salary. Obviously, we needed more income, so I put in more hours at work (earning two promotions in fifteen months), and acquired and managed two rental properties. Realizing we needed to prepare for twelve years of college over eight years, I eventually took on a third income stream, becoming a sport official. I was NEVER home. My absence of course was not as impactful as it might have been, as even after going back to work, she still had the children to raise. As far as MY being unsatisfied in our less-connected relationship, it didn't matter. I had seen acquaintances "stray" and suffer the consequences, and I made the early decision to NEVER do anything which would make my wife cry. Anyway, my wife went back to school, changed careers (programming to Special Education teacher), and re-entered the work force ten years after leaving it.

It may be fairly stated that I don't take many things casually. I devoted myself to all three jobs, and the third especially (I'm very good at it), became increasingly important to me. (BTW: The effort paid off: Our children graduated college owing NOTHING on their college bills.)

But, the children did graduate, and left the nest. Since I wasn't there to fill the void, my wife began to become more involved in her teacher union activities, and became a protg of the eventual OM.

(Ahh, yes, the American, or at least, New York State, public education system more destructive to the marriages of the employees thereof than Facebook. An insular community, with a female/male ratio of maybe 10-to-1, dominated by an "us-against-them" mentality, where growth in performance expertise is most usually achieved via the "mentor" system, and where "administration" is abjectly terrified of risking the Union's displeasure by imposing discipline and standards of conduct can there be a system more conducive to fostering inappropriate attachments? A teacher-friend told me that any male teacher, who doesn't get something going on the side with one of the female teachers, has to be gay. His words, folks, not mine! But, check out the divorce and remarried-to-coworker rates at your local school system.)

Just to add some additional acid to the mix, in 2006, I was diagnosed with, and operated on for, prostate cancer, and three months later, had a heart-attack. I can without contradiction say my depression about, and pre-occupation with, my own problems certainly help blind me to her increasing dissatisfactions. but, my wife did little to help me psychologically through that period, either.

But none of this would have bothered me, even had I known it, because my wife was PERFECT, independent and accomplished in everything she touched. She had become an excellent cook; she sewed clothes for us when she chose to and had the time (I have about eight wildly colorful hand-made Hawaiian shirts); she hand-knit sweaters. I was the sloppy, overly-casual one; she made everything work from planning vacations abroad to handling the family finances. Deep down, I always feared that in spite of my best efforts and commitments, I would have been the one to screw up somehow. She could never be that person. Mother Theresa would have an affair before my wife!

So, we had drifted away from each other emotionally, my immediate health issues actually worked to drive us further apart, her "nest" was empty, she still required ongoing external validation, her female changes were about complete, several of her trusted and worthy colleagues had retired, and there was little or no intra-marital EN satisfaction occurring.

Twice-married soon-to-be-OM had an awful marriage, to a woman who devoted much of her time to artistic pursuits. He liked to complain about his marriage, and my nave wife listened, and sympathized. It went from "My wife didn't do this.." to eventually, "I understand, my husband didn't.." He was also there to advise her in union matters, laud her performance in that area, and assist her in any work-related issues she had. In the year after his retirement they continued corresponding by email, getting more and more personal. ("My wife didn't have time to prepare dinner tonight", "How about if I come over and cook for you? Heh-heh!")

In other ways, however, he and I were much alike both involved in our children's sports activities; both adept at woodworking and casual construction (decks, sheds); both quick with a joke, or pun; roughly equivalent in age. He was, admittedly better-looking (not hard, because, when it comes to looks, I'm a troll), but I was slightly the better earner. It came down to the fact that he was there, and I was not. His major contribution was providing that "external validation", of which she needed a continuing supply, in areas (pedagogical, etc) in which I had no expertise, even if I had recognized her need.

Anyway, that's the path that led to 24 June 2009. Had I known anything of the causes and contributions to infidelity, the warning signs would have been impossible to miss.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328078
12/24/13 05:22 AM
12/24/13 05:22 AM
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THE "WHYS"

As it turned out, I actually got all the "whys" in the first three minutes of d-night.

"I was so lonely you were never here.. you didn't need me.. I thought you didn't love me anymore.. I needed someone to talk to..I wanted to tell you.." In the counseling sessions, it came out how intensely my wife felt all those things, and here's the damning part, actually believed that I was so .disconnected.from her, that she could not broach those needs and longings with me, and that even if she had, I would not have cared about them. (Ouch!) Looking back, I admit I was never the most approachable spouse, and though I'd like to think I'd have stepped up to work through the situation with her, I would have to say the odds were unlikely.

Other factors, all happening more-or-less simultaneously, really tilted her "perception" of my (dis)investment in our union, and the time I was able to devote to it. My "away from home" time had actually decreased a bit, but the "NG-away-from-home-with-nobody-else-to-fill-the-void" time had soared, with the fledging of our "chicks". I will leave to better-educated folks than I to quantify the effect of her hormonal changes, but qualitatively, they impacted her as well. What female colleagues she had at work were retiring, and she was never one to make girlfriends easily anyway. What I had, but never knew it, was a very isolated, lonely lady, too independent (and unsure of my reaction) to forthrightly approach me with her issues. Instead, she (as always) took it upon herself to manage the situation. Well, it took over thirty-five years, but we found something at which she was a total failure.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328079
12/24/13 05:24 AM
12/24/13 05:24 AM
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THE RESOLUTION

Going back to my story, then - I returned home Sunday evening, 28 June 2009, and the next morning contacted a lawyer, giving her all the details. The first hearing of my case in open court was the next evening. Lawyer, bride, and NG arrived and awaited the calling of my case. No Assistant DA. I'm not exactly sure of the dynamics, but I think Tuesday evening sessions alternated - criminal and civil proceedings - and the Judge's clerk inadvertently put this on the "civil" date. (System error #1) The Judge more-or-less figured this out, but asked his clerk if the ADA had been notified of the scheduling anyway, and whether she had raised an objection. The clerk said the DA's office had been notified, with no objection received. (Note the difference ADA herself vs DA's office - System error #2 - ADA was on vacation that week, and the notification of hearing slating sat on her desk/inbox, whatever.)

So far this is good for NG. My lawyer moved that the OOP be dropped as bride-plaintiff was here in SUPPORT of husband-defendant. This was a proper motion at the type of hearing being held (a motion to dismiss entirely would not have been) and with no one from the enemy there to object the OOP was pulled. Yay, NG!

Anyway, the next appearance date was set for 28 July, (If you're keeping score, four weeks later, on what would have been another erroneous "civil" date except for the week court was closed for Judge's vacation.)

Okay now it gets juicy. The OOP was pulled. I was now permitted to be in bride's presence, legally, which was good because we were scheduled to fly to St Martin 12 July, returning 19 July. Tickets were already booked, time-share usage confirmed weeks earlier. Aces!

So we go to St Martin. I took the initiative to re-propose marriage, after a romantic dinner, on the beach in Grand Case (to the unplanned entertainment of a dozen diners at another restaurant!) We had a great time and re-embarked for our flight back to USA.

Oh, yes, a note about flights is in order. Until that year, every time we had gone to St. Martin, we flew LaGuardia - San Juan PR - St. Martin. This saved us maybe $50 each round-trip. 2009 for the first time we had booked JFK - St Martin direct, ditching the monetary savings for about two hours travel time saved each way, and eliminating the bother of entering US territory in San Juan, which meant claiming our bags, going through US Customs, and re-checking our bags. (Remember this detail, okay?)

So we fly home. (Cue music from Jaws!) Uneventful. Disembark. Uneventful. Pick up bags. Uneventful. Approach US Customs window......

Bride presents passport, answers questions, gets stamped. NG presents passport........delay.......typing.......more delay.............."Excuse me, sir, would you accompany that Officer, please?" I turn around, and there stands the largest Homeland Security goon I'd ever seen. "This way, please!" He might have said "...please", but his manner said, "...unless you want to experience severe pain!"

We - goon, NG, and Bride - go to the back room. I am directed to sit at a certain chair, in a certain spot, at a certain table. Goon, with Goon Jr, then HANDCUFF me, sitting on the bolted-to-the-floor chair to that bolted-to-the-floor table. "Sir, you are in violation of an order-of-protection preventing you from being in the presence of Mrs. NG. We will be summoning NYC Police and having you remanded to Riker's Island." RIKER'S ISLAND!!!! Trust the veracity when a New Yorker tells you there are no resorts on Riker's Eff'ing Island!

The words were barely out of his mouth when I heard the loudest damn scream I've ever imagined - from quiet, timid BRIDE! She called Goon every name in the book, telling him the Eff'ing OOP was cancelled, goddammit, pointing out that harming her back on US soil would be extremely stupid since I'd had a week overseas to commit any mayhem I'd had planned, and since when does Homeland Eff'ing Security imagine their overpaid asses would be well involved in a trivial domestic issue.

Well, to explain, do you remember the moronic clerk back home who probably could not spell "Law" if she were spotted the "L" and the "a"? Well, with the lifting of the OOP, she had "forgotten" to file a piece of paperwork meant to remove the ogre NG, who had broken his bride's glasses, from some world-wide list that categorized him just below "Shoot on sight!" (System error #3!)

Anyway, Goon, Goon Jr, and NG just sat there- they aghast, NG somewhat proud - as this BANSHEE would not calm down. Goon threatened to put HER in handcuffs, at which point Goon Jr, evidently the brains of the pair, realized this was NOT on a path to resound to the credit of Homeland Security. He immediately jumped in and shouted toward me, "What is the controlling law agency in your town?" I told him the County Sheriff. He jumped to a phone and had a call placed thereto. By God's grace he was directed to a Deputy I had dealt with (actually once doing their office a favor in a drug investigation in the neighborhood in which I owned a building). But even without that, the Deputy was able to confirm that Mr NG was not on the County's list of criminals, subversives, and OOP scofflaws, and it was okay for Homeland Security to release the dastardly fellow.

We finally got Mrs NG calmed down, and left JFK Airport.

Which reminds me, do you all remember the thing I mentioned about NOT flying into San Juan? Well, had we done so, this little drama would have played out in some back room of Marin International Airport, and it is HIGHLY unlikely that the Homeland Security folks there would have placed a call to the County Sheriff here in NY. So old NG (and probably the Mrs) would have been hauled off to lockup in some third-world dungeon. I would probably have been released as the error was discovered. Mrs NG, however would likely still be there!

So, anyway, we got home late that Sunday night, and first thing Monday morning I called the County Sheriff's office to ensure that the top cop knew that his Deputy had rendered a valuable service to a citizen/registered voter. Then I contacted my lawyer to raise holy hell about the disaster we had just barely avoided. She talked me out of armed insurrection, making the salient point that telling a Judge that, "your employee is as stupid as dirt, so how bright can you be to keep her on the job?" would best be done AFTER my case was completed. She did tell me she had been in contact with the ADA who seemed disinclined to make any adjustment to the case (like dropping it) even though the chief complainant, Bride, very much wanted it over, and the charge itself was fatally flawed by virtue of the complaint filed never included either words "recklessly" or "intentionally" in the prose. Without that, and reading all the documentation, the word "accidentally" fairly leapt off the page, so there was no basis for charge, or arrest, or anything else to be derived from the broken glasses.

So we waited until 28 July, and went back to court. If you remember System Errors 1 and 2, you'll note that they both seemingly worked in my favor. I didn't arrange them, or influence them happening, but I was willing to accept the boon they provided. I should have known better.

Man-hating ADA was NOT so willing to accept what had happened that made her look disinterested and inattentive. She was PISSED as HELL. So who is she going to take vengeance on? The Judge? Not bloody likely! The clerk? Not easily done! Ahhh, yes, NG!

She basically played this as a crime of unbelievable monstrosity! The removal of the OOP in her absence was a perversion of Justice, and a weakening of the hard-built walls of protection against abuse toward women everywhere! She would commit seppuku, right there in chambers, rather than drop the charges! This foul miscreant must PAY for his crimes, to the fullest extent possible under the statute. (BTW: I had already bought Bride a new pair of glasses, and glued the original pair back together!))

Anyway, I'm standing there listening to this, and glanced back at Bride, who was white, and trembling! I poked my lawyer, and asked for ten minutes. The Judge, who was basically staggered by ADA's attitude, instead asked for a lawyer/lawyer/Judge sidebar. I went back to bride who literally was having trouble breathing, sobbing so hard. I could hear Judge reasoning with ADA, who basically said (don't know the legal jargon), "I'm doing this because I can!"

Lawyer came back to me and said, "Here's the deal and the Judge is on your side, pushing for this, so shut up, swallow your anger, and accept it. ACD with a six-month good-behavior period, with a Limited Order of Protection re-instated until the final dismissal." So basically, ADA was insisting on a punishment (the LOOP) without a conviction. The alternative was likely six-to-eight months of hearings, trial, etc, etc, probably costing me $10K. Welcome to the "justice" afforded middle-aged Caucasian males in 21st century New York!

I took the deal. I hated doing it, but the danger to Bride, especially, was too great to risk otherwise.

We went home to the second-worst night of my life. That is detailed in a follow-on note, so as not to interrupt the perversion-of-justice-as-SOP-in-NY theme of this segment.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328080
12/24/13 05:26 AM
12/24/13 05:26 AM
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THE LAST CRISIS

Anyway, we got back from the "Take it or Leave it!" court session around 6:30pm and began a light supper of salads and cheeses on our deck. What goes well with salads and cheeses? Well in my case, in my mood, Black Velvet whiskey, straight.

Bride was trying to find ways to lessen the shame and humiliation I felt, but in reality, what could she say? Meanwhile I stewed, and drank, and stewed some more.

"What the f---! Just over a month ago I had done NOTHING wrong, in my entire life, and now they're treating me lika career criminal!" DRINK

"Bride decides to fall in love with POSOM, I accidentally break her glasses, and I'm going to get screwed?" DRINK

"I was arrested, led off in handcuffs from my own f------ house!" DRINK

"I was almost sent to Riker's Island!" DRINK....DRINK

"I'll probably be banned from sports officiating!" DRINK

" And I had to endure (likely a lesbian) man-hating ADA defame, insult, and sneer at, me in open court?" DRINK

Well, I can hold my share of liquor, but that was more than ANYONE'S share of liquor. Bride was a mess, but given her overriding sense of guilt on bringing this all about, she was unable to assert herself to fully pull me up short!

(Now a lot of memories seem to be jumbled, or indistinct. I think Bride went inside to get the dog, and take her for her post dinner walk. Also, the sky had clouded over and threatened rain, so leaving the deck outside was called for, anyway.)

Be that as it may, with Bride not there, I staggered off the deck, and walked around the other end of the house, and came to a large maple tree. Why, I don't know, but I just had to climb that tree, still clutching the 1.5 litre bottle of whiskey. Bride went back into the house, didn't find me anywhere, and panicked. She grabbed her car keys, ran to her car, and took off around the development, searching for the extremely incapacitated NG.

NG, of course was still up the tree, polishing off(!) the whiskey. (BTW: Bismark was correct!) Bride did not find me in her travels, and tearfully ran back into the house. I lowered myself from the tree, and called her from my cell. (By this time, there were thunder rumbles and rain was just beginning.) She screamed, "Where are you?", and I ignored the question and basically unloaded on her all the resentment and anger over the previous month's events, while I walked around outside the house. The rain came down harder - seriously harder - and lightning was arcing across the sky.

I might have been there all night, wandering around, if in my inebriated state I had not stumbled into Bride's collection of wind-chimes under that deck we'd been on. She ran out the back door, and chased me to the front yard as I wandered, shouting, "Okay God, you got me where you wanted me! Fire one of those babies down here and end it!" Bride then wrapped around me like an anaconda, and yelled, at me, "If He takes you, He's gonna take me too!"

We must have stood in that lightning storm, in the pouring rain, for fifteen minutes. Either God's aim sucks, (Really?) or He decided NOT to accept my challenge!

I'm not sure who said what first, but that cold rain was uncomfortable, and if we were not going to reduced to cinders, we might as well go inside and dry off. So we did.

And exactly three years later, the requested lightning bolt struck - the town building in which the court was housed. It remained closed over a year.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328085
12/24/13 09:50 AM
12/24/13 09:50 AM
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PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
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Thats quite some story.

Are you a writer too?

It is interesting how many facts in your story are very similar to mine, although they are totally different stories.

I hope their is more to come, I enjoyed it so far. smile

Re: The NG Story [Re: Rich57] #328099
12/24/13 02:36 PM
12/24/13 02:36 PM
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believer Offline
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Very interesting story! Welcome, NG.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: The NG Story [Re: Rich57] #328100
12/24/13 02:37 PM
12/24/13 02:37 PM
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Ace Offline
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claps

Too many Christmas tasks to do so I can't read your story right now but I am looking forward to reading all your posts. Thanks so much NeverGuessed. Even though you only have 21 posts (Christmas Eve morning), you've already been a real blessing to MA.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: The NG Story [Re: Ace] #328104
12/24/13 02:47 PM
12/24/13 02:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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This was too gripping NOT to read all in one sitting. Even though I'm at work. Even though I haven't had breakfast. Even though I'm supposed to be doing about a zillion other things.

Thanks for sharing that, NG. And I'm damn thrilled to have you on board. I've got a thread in the protected area of this forum that goes on for MILES. Anytime you'd like to stop in there, you are MORE than welcome.

Kudos to you and your bride for your stellar recovery.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: The NG Story [Re: Miranda] #328112
12/24/13 03:38 PM
12/24/13 03:38 PM
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SFB Offline
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NG:

I remember that story well....

Never got to comment on it, due to other issues.

How is the relationship with Middle Daughter now?

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328115
12/24/13 03:49 PM
12/24/13 03:49 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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THE FINAL ACT - TRAGEDY MORPHS TO FARCE

The plan was for me to return to the Court office three days after the "Screw You!" court session to sign the deal with the DA's office, which included signing that I accepted the terms of the LOOP. I arrived there and went to the window, where moronic clerk was ready for me. She slipped the signature form to me and there it was: I was to acknowledge accepting this agreement to a six-month ORDER OF PROTECTION! This stupid [censored] had prepared the wrong eff'ng form (System Error #4), and the Judge had already blindly signed it (System Error #5). I grabbed it and shook it at her, screaming obscenities. (Yeah, me! Can you believe it!) She lunged at me, trying to take the evidence of her blinding incompetence from me, as I backed away from the window, so she was literally dragged atop the counter! The "window" in question is the top half of one of those double-section ("dutch") doors, with a shelf attached to the bottom half for conducting business, etc. As her weight was pulled atop that surface, the lower-half door latch yielded, with the door throwing me backwards and to my left, and dropping her in the hallway. Her position was then between NG and the building exit, and it was as I was trying to get past her in that hallway that the security guard appeared.

He was presented with trying to figure out why this well-aged, blue-haired lady was grabbing at the clothes and arms of a middle-aged gentleman, who was obviously trying to get away from her! As he finally pulled her away from me, the JUDGE came into the hallway, and quickly grasped what had happened. (I later found out that my lawyer had already privately explained to him about the failure to "clear" the OOP from Interpol, or whatever.) He asked for the faulty form. I told him if he wanted it, he could come and take it from me, and stuffed it down the front of my pants! And, I continued, I was going to pursue criminal/civil remedies on the clerk, and her employer, the Town, with the security guard as a credible witness. I left the building, went home and called my lawyer.

A week's time passed while my lawyer, the Judge, and the Town Attorney negotiated. The Judge could not do anything about the agreement with the ADA, as he was not technically party to its terms. We agreed, finally on my dropping my intended suit and returning my evidence of official misfeasance (the form) in return for the clerk's immediate termination for cause, and a formal letter of apology from the Town.

With two county officials as witnesses, all this took place on 07 August.

Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #328143
12/24/13 04:54 PM
12/24/13 04:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 794
NeverGuessed Offline OP
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SFB,
I treat AAPMC cordially and accord her the status of being Bride's child. As such, I will do nothing to hurt (even by reflection) my Bride. AAPMC has a good career as an RN, lives here in the Valley, and was married in 2011. I performed as the FOB without objection, or outward display of my true feelings.

I will never forgive her.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328153
12/24/13 05:27 PM
12/24/13 05:27 PM
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Posts: 5,099
SFB Offline
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NG:

I ask, becasue I wasn't able to ask.

What has Bride done to heal this? There IS the factor of time with this. AAPMC will get a little older and a little wiser. (We can hope...) But, what has Bride done? What could she do?

There is much in reconciliation. There was a bad relationship between you and DD before DDay, and that day made a serious turn in your opinion of her.

Just me wondering. We can take it off of this thread, and take it to another one, if you would like this thread to stay on track with the marital recovery. This recovery is about you and DD.

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #328203
12/25/13 03:36 AM
12/25/13 03:36 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 794
NeverGuessed Offline OP
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"I will never forgive AAPMC!"
"There IS the factor of time with this. AAPMC will get a little older and a little wiser."

"Daddy, the truck ran over my puppy's head and little Skippy is dead!"
"Well, Johnny, let's give it time to recover!"


In both cases, my friend, dead is dead. The issue was never AAPMC's increasing wisdom, nor Bride's well-intentioned efforts. It is solely NG's judgment - unassailable, not subject to appeal.

This not being directly a marital issue, may I suggest we speak no more of this matter?

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328408
12/27/13 03:26 PM
12/27/13 03:26 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 256
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Am I Too Late Offline
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Welcome here NG.

I have missed your posts and wit at MB.

I read your entire story over there before and am grateful to see your name pop up again.

AITL aka Learned Too Late over there.

Re: The NG Story [Re: Am I Too Late] #328490
12/28/13 04:01 PM
12/28/13 04:01 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 794
NeverGuessed Offline OP
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AITL, I am very glad to have a NEW! IMPROVED! home to dispense my concoction primarily of nonsense and whimsy, with perhaps a touch of value!

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328526
12/28/13 08:03 PM
12/28/13 08:03 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
I have seen a lot of your posts on MB, and I always appreciated the way you saw things (especially in one particular case where the WW seemed to be getting all the sympathy and the BH seemed to be receiving all the lumps).

You've been through a lot. I'm glad you decided not to murder an 11 year old.

Re: The NG Story [Re: herfuturesbright] #328540
12/28/13 08:44 PM
12/28/13 08:44 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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...appreciated the way you saw things...especially in one particular case where the WW seemed to be getting all the sympathy and the BH seemed to be receiving all the lumps...

ONE case? You'll have to be much more specific - that skewed treatment was SOP for the "band-of sisters" over there!

And as for the 11-year-old...I never gave credence to the concept of temporary insanity. I do now.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328558
12/28/13 11:07 PM
12/28/13 11:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline

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New Zealand
Quote:


And as for the 11-year-old...I never gave credence to the concept of temporary insanity. I do now.


Having a fairly good recollection of standing in front of a car with an axe, I have believed it for some time smile

Welcome to MA


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328595
12/29/13 02:35 PM
12/29/13 02:35 PM
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Posts: 3,535
Ace Offline
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Ace  Offline
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Wow! Just Wow!

I am glad I waited to read your story until I had time to finish it all at once.

Thanks for sharing. You are an amazing writer and we are thrilled to provide a place for your... "
Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
... concoction primarily of nonsense and whimsy, with perhaps a touch of value!


Your story gives me ideas for 2 thread topics I'll eventually post in the CZ (Construction Zone - a place to shotgun potential thread or article ideas).

Again, thanks and best wishes.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: The NG Story [Re: Ace] #328724
12/30/13 08:23 PM
12/30/13 08:23 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 794
NeverGuessed Offline OP
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Lil,
Just ONE ax ?



Ace,
I will eagerly await your "sketch-pad" ideas, but I'll admit to some degree of unease about which elements of this saga would be the topics! I have one (which was explored at "D'Other Place") investigating what infrastructure elements of the pre-A marriage seemingly work either in favor, or in opposition, to ending the infidelity. Maybe I'll launch that here at MA. Where would you suggest it would best fit?

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328740
12/30/13 10:29 PM
12/30/13 10:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,535
Ace Offline
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Ace  Offline
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Hi NG,

I like your "investigating infrastructure pre/post A" topic. It might be best to launch it first in the CZ for 2 reasons:

1) Longer edit time frames.
2) Others can weigh in and eventually we could help you decide where it would fit best.

I'm hoping we can create a plethora of "helpful hint" type threads for the MAgnify Marriage forum, a place to help our marriages grow from good to GREAT! Recovery is tough but once folks recover (not sure we're there yet) it's necessary to maintain and sustain in order to obtain the best M's possible for a lifetime. Hey, I just noticed that those three words rhyme....maintain/sustain/obtain...there must be a poem in here somewhere. Hey Poet...are you around? wink

As for my thread ideas, I've posted one in the CZ about temporary insanity.

Thanks,
Ace

Last edited by Ace; 12/30/13 11:14 PM.

We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #328783
12/31/13 08:55 AM
12/31/13 08:55 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,887
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
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Orchid2  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,887
HI
Wow NG, that was one long and interesting read. smile

True story......can't get more exciting than that! How you all lived through it is now a part of history. grin

Thanks for sharing. I can tell that when you share your story, there is a lot to learn. Glad you are here to help those who also need a helping hand.

Welcome to MA. wink

Orchid

Re: The NG Story [Re: Orchid2] #329874
01/06/14 11:08 PM
01/06/14 11:08 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,227
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
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If this is indeed a true story, I find it very disturbing. And even moreso that no one ELSE does.

Contemplating killing the guy's child??? Seriously??


Puppy


Drink the koffee, not the Kool-Aid.
Re: The NG Story [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #329875
01/06/14 11:13 PM
01/06/14 11:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,181
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ShockedOne Offline
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I don't think the police need to fabricate a crime to take you in, after admitting to backhanding and knocking off her glasses, and threatening to kill her.

Sitting in you car with a weapon, intending to kill a child? You really think that is OK? That is criminal! You are premeditating murder!

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