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Re: The NG Story [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #329876
01/06/14 11:14 PM
01/06/14 11:14 PM
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LivingWell Offline
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Ok, that cinches it... I'm not going to tell any of my temporary insanity tales. grin

Ok, maybe not so temporary since it took me three months to decide not to have him bumped off. I was in Plan A at the time, thank God. laugh

Re: The NG Story [Re: LivingWell] #329877
01/06/14 11:19 PM
01/06/14 11:19 PM
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Lil Offline

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LOL, I can remember having a very serious discussion with a very scary lady about the cost of bumping someone off and how to get a discount.....

I would love to see the results of blood tests taken on BS's in the first few days post D-day. My guess is there would be a significantly out there cocktail of hormones and junk.


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The NG Story [Re: ShockedOne] #329878
01/06/14 11:22 PM
01/06/14 11:22 PM
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BBJTeachRun Offline
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This story is disturbing. As such, I hope it is, indeed, a story.


Me: 36

ex: 37

Together 18 years, married 12.5

Kids: S 9, D 5

Divorced: Feb 2010

Moving on and embracing my future!
Re: The NG Story [Re: BBJTeachRun] #329879
01/06/14 11:24 PM
01/06/14 11:24 PM
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WI
FashionBarbie Offline
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Really? You laugh this off as D-day insanity?

I was the BS and never contemplated in my head, never mind contemplating on an open forum, murdering the child of the OP.

I am disappointed that those posts were not flagged or moderated in any way.

rflag Arguing moderator action. Please address questions and concerns about moderation to the Board of Directors, and not on the open forum. Further public discussion of moderator action will result in PB time.

Last edited by Fiddler; 01/07/14 05:48 AM. Reason: TOS Violation

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep. God is awake.

-Victor Hugo
Re: The NG Story [Re: FashionBarbie] #329880
01/06/14 11:30 PM
01/06/14 11:30 PM
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New Zealand
Lil Offline

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I have read enough to know that betrayed spouses do some stupid crazy things, some more deranged than others. Most people calm down and clear their heads fairly quickly. Those who managed to remain calm and collected throughout the entire expereince should be very pleased with themselves for their good fortune. As for me, "There but by the grace of God", and all

Quote:
I am disappointed that those posts were not flagged or moderated in any way.
Questions about moderation should be made via PM to the BoD, or moderator team. Not on the open forum as per TOS.

Last edited by Lil; 01/07/14 12:28 AM.

AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The NG Story [Re: FashionBarbie] #329881
01/06/14 11:32 PM
01/06/14 11:32 PM
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LivingWell Offline
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Why would the truth be moderated? He didn't attack then.... no one is attacking now.


Originally Posted By: Lil
I have read enough to know that betrayed spouses do some stupid crazy things, some more deranged than others. Most people calm down and clear their heads fairly quickly. Those who managed to remain calm and collected throughout the entire expereince should be very pleased with themselv. There but by the grace of God, and all.

You know it!


Last edited by LivingWell; 01/06/14 11:36 PM.
Re: The NG Story [Re: LivingWell] #329896
01/07/14 12:21 AM
01/07/14 12:21 AM
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SmilingWife Offline
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OMG!!!!! If we can't admit to how we think/feel why bother having this board?

Was it crazy to consider killing an innocent child? Yes. Absolutely. Did he DO it? No. He did not. Good for him. He acted rationally in an irrational time.

Good grief.

Re: The NG Story [Re: SmilingWife] #329904
01/07/14 12:43 AM
01/07/14 12:43 AM
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SFB Offline
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NG:

I can imagine the dark place you found yourself days after D-Day.

Others have been there. Others have done things that were not in the dark days after Dday. That is really more disturbing to me.

Glad that you returned to reality before things got out of control...

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #329920
01/07/14 03:53 AM
01/07/14 03:53 AM
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LadyGrey Offline
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I used to think I was brave and honest.

NG has put me to shame.

Kudos are in order.

Originally Posted By: FashionBarbie
Really? You laugh this off as D-day insanity?


No one is laughing.

Originally Posted By: FashionBarbie
I was the BS and never contemplated in my head, never mind contemplating on an open forum, murdering the child of the OP.


Everyone experiences betrayal differently which means that everyone reacts to it differently.

So, you didn't think about murdering the child of the OP.

He did.

He didn't do it.

Everything I have read on every marriage forum harps ad nauseum on the importance of actions over thoughts.

So all of the sudden, thoughts get elevated to more importance than actions? What's that about?

Originally Posted By: BBJ
This story is disturbing. As such, I hope it is, indeed, a story.


There is neither truth nor fiction. There is only narrative.

Look on it as a legend or tale or parable.

There is an Indian saying that I cherish: "I don't know that this happened, but I know that it is true."


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #329921
01/07/14 04:13 AM
01/07/14 04:13 AM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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Puppy Dog Tails, ShockedOne, BBJTeachRun, FashionBarbie,

By your visceral reactions to my story, specifically (primarily?) including the passage in which I contemplated an unforgiveable horror, I must say that I give you credit for your moral judgment about my (and I was slammed on another site thusly) "murderous ideations."

I would also go on record as proposing that Lil, SFB, SW, and LW, who spoke in defense of the continued existence of my saga, would be no less horrified by the conception of the act I contemplated. (And to add yet another to that tally, include the NG prior to 23 June 2009, and after 25 June 2009!)

Where your expressions of condemnation fail you, colleagues, is in their apparent inability to differentiate between what was, and what might have been, committed.

Some folks would see the potential benefit of this story as being illustrative of the need for better moral grounding for all of us. Some others might see the need for greater examination by the LEPs of the possible mental state of folks in the obviously distressed condition I was "released". A certain dark-minded group might urge this be required reading by every potential POSOM! An even smaller cadre, on hearing of the manifestation that was produced later that day as I exited the church (a story I'm not yet comfortable to share here), might fully be convinced of the reality of present-day miracles.

(ShockedOne: I'm not going to get into analysis of 145.00 sub 3 of the New York penal law, as to what would constitute "recklessly" breaking a pair of glasses. Really? We have other issues here!)

So, while I'm not proud of the saga per se, I am proud to have the courage to relate it fully and truthfully. If it so severely damages your views of the world, by demonstrating that otherwise law-abiding and innocent folks, with sufficient provocation, can contemplate awful measures of vengeance and retribution, well, I guess I'll have to live with that!

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #329929
01/07/14 05:17 AM
01/07/14 05:17 AM
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LadyGrey Offline
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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
So, while I'm not proud of the saga per se, I am proud to have the courage to relate it fully and truthfully.


You should be proud.

It is a story that will abide in my heart as a mother, and being a good mother is the only thing that has ever or will ever matter to me.

I put my children at risk for that kind of rage.

Es no bueno.

It is a story that will abide in my heart as a wife, to know that my decision might have unleashed that kind of rage.

I put other people's lives at risk.

Es no bueno.

It is a story that has reminded me to be humble in the face of what I have done, to never forget for a single moment the damage I caused and to always -- every second of every minute of every day -- be sure to remember and make what amends I can.

I recognize I can never make it right so don't bother telling me.

What I can do is despise myself and agree -- always agree -- that I am a POS.

That is a truth with which not even I can argue.

Last edited by LadyGrey; 01/07/14 05:21 AM.

Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #329930
01/07/14 05:18 AM
01/07/14 05:18 AM
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ShockedOne Offline
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You are correct. I would not place this in the 145 class of Criminal Mischief. I don't think you intended to harm her property. Her on the other hand, based solely on your writing, I would argue. You said you would kill her. It should fall in the Domestic Violence class and the Felony Stalking of a child. But hey, I am not a NYPD officer, or a lawyer. So this is just my personal opinion.

Re: The NG Story [Re: ShockedOne] #329935
01/07/14 06:03 AM
01/07/14 06:03 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 794
NeverGuessed Offline OP
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SO, all that "threat" that night only amounted to "harassment", evidently (I'm not a lawyer, either.) The only misdemeanor was the result of the broken glasses. As for the stalking the next morning.....you may be right. I don't know, and now I no longer care.

Re: The NG Story [Re: LadyGrey] #329936
01/07/14 06:14 AM
01/07/14 06:14 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 794
NeverGuessed Offline OP
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What I can do is despise myself and agree -- always agree -- that I am a POS.

Bride bore that same brand of self-loathing for a looooong time - maybe not a full year, but close. It became for a while my sole task to remind her of two things:
1) We had known each other by then almost 14,000 days. Only a few of them sucked!
2) Whatever she was during that time, she had not been before, and need never be again.

I hope you can get there, friend.

Re: The NG Story [Re: LivingWell] #329944
01/07/14 07:31 AM
01/07/14 07:31 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,535
Ace Offline
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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
It became for a while my sole task to remind her of two things:
1) We had known each other by then almost 14,000 days. Only a few of them sucked!
2) Whatever she was during that time, she had not been before, and need never be again.


Hi NG,

The task you describe was a very difficult process for me, especially when my H kept beating himself up and worrying that his best efforts would never be good enough. It got to the point where I almost felt like saying "Yeah, what you did was bad, but not THAT bad."

I like your succinct steps.

#1
#2
simple, but not easy.....

Originally Posted By: LivingWell
Ok, that cinches it... I'm not going to tell any of my temporary insanity tales. grin

Ok, maybe not so temporary since it took me three months to decide not to have him bumped off. I was in Plan A at the time, thank God. laugh


Hey LW,

I just posted my story on the Temporary Insanity discussion thread in the Construction Zone. Please consider sharing at least one of yours. (Just curious...how many such stories do you have?) eek

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #329977
01/07/14 02:41 PM
01/07/14 02:41 PM
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Posts: 5,099
SFB Offline
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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
What I can do is despise myself and agree -- always agree -- that I am a POS.

Bride bore that same brand of self-loathing for a looooong time - maybe not a full year, but close. It became for a while my sole task to remind her of two things:
1) We had known each other by then almost 14,000 days. Only a few of them sucked!
2) Whatever she was during that time, she had not been before, and need never be again.

I hope you can get there, friend.



LG:

No, you are NOT a POS. Sorry.

You did some bad things, but you are NOT a bad person...

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #329980
01/07/14 02:53 PM
01/07/14 02:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Originally Posted By: SFB


LG:

No, you are NOT a POS. Sorry.

You did some bad things, but you are NOT a bad person...

SFB


Precisely.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: The NG Story [Re: LadyGrey] #330006
01/07/14 05:08 PM
01/07/14 05:08 PM
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LivingWell Offline
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Originally Posted By: LadyGrey
I recognize I can never make it right so don't bother telling me.

What I can do is despise myself and agree -- always agree -- that I am a POS.

That is a truth with which not even I can argue.

You cannot make the past right.... because we cannot change the past.

You can despise yourself, if you want. That's in the present and I'm positive that it harms your children. I'm hoping that one day you are healed enough that you no longer despise yourself. I don't despise myself any more.... there really is hope. hug


Btw, who is it that you're agreeing with anyway? Not me because I don't think you're a POS. You might not be able to argue that you're not a POS, but I could.

Re: The NG Story [Re: Ace] #330007
01/07/14 05:11 PM
01/07/14 05:11 PM
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LivingWell Offline
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Originally Posted By: Ace
Hey LW,

I just posted my story on the Temporary Insanity discussion thread in the Construction Zone. Please consider sharing at least one of yours. (Just curious...how many such stories do you have?) eek

Ace

Yeah, that worked out so well for NG that I think I'll pass. laugh


Re: The NG Story [Re: LivingWell] #330009
01/07/14 05:17 PM
01/07/14 05:17 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Originally Posted By: LivingWell

Yeah, that worked out so well for NG that I think I'll pass. laugh



Yeah, me too. I don't have the necessary spherical appendages to put it on here.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: The NG Story [Re: Miranda] #330023
01/07/14 06:09 PM
01/07/14 06:09 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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I don't have the necessary spherical appendages to put it on here. laugh1



Clang-clang!

But seriously, nobody's horrific reaction to the story can approach my own in retrospection, some 4.5 years later. The four critics here upset me not at all.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #330086
01/08/14 01:10 AM
01/08/14 01:10 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
Quote:
But seriously, nobody's horrific reaction to the story can approach my own in retrospection, some 4.5 years later.


And THIS is one of the reasons that I do think you have some perspective. You are willing to admit that what you pondered at the time - in retrospect - was shocking and extreme.

In other words, you have the capacity to realize you are imperfect. You'd be amazed what a rare thing that is. I have seen people cling like grim death to their viewpoint because for some reason saying "yaknow, maybe that is a bit....no" would somehow be debilitating.

Re: The NG Story [Re: herfuturesbright] #330525
01/10/14 09:12 PM
01/10/14 09:12 PM
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ohmy_marie Offline
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hi ng! loved your story! thanks for sharing.


may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone. -- e. e. cummings
Re: The NG Story [Re: ohmy_marie] #332417
01/23/14 08:03 AM
01/23/14 08:03 AM
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Shell shocked Offline
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Wow NG, what a great story - with a happy ending to boot!

If only all of our marriages could stand the test of time...

Re: The NG Story [Re: Shell shocked] #332438
01/23/14 01:58 PM
01/23/14 01:58 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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omm and ss,
Thank you for the kind words.

It's odd that this thread got activated now, as last night I received an unpleasant trigger.

On arriving home, Bride mentioned that she had been approached by some influential folks about resuming union representative activities. (This activity was the factor that eventually drew POSOM and her together, and her leaving the position right after d-night was Bride's idea. We never actually discussed this.)

Anyway, I said nothing. She then said she hadn't given them an answer. I said nothing. Then Bride said she would decline. I said nothing....but smiled internally.

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