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Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #332449
01/23/14 02:54 PM
01/23/14 02:54 PM
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Ace Offline
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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed

Anyway,
I said nothing. She then said she hadn't given them an answer.
I said nothing. Then Bride said she would decline.
I said nothing....but smiled internally.


Respectfully, I disagree, NG.

IMVHO your silence said volumes.

Ace

PS I pray I can respond (not react) like you did when the next trigger hits.

Re: The NG Story [Re: Ace] #332463
01/23/14 04:09 PM
01/23/14 04:09 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
I like the way this was handled too. She knew what she should do before she asked. And there was no long drawn out draining "thing."

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #332474
01/23/14 04:31 PM
01/23/14 04:31 PM
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Jedi Knight Offline
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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
omm and ss,
Thank you for the kind words.

It's odd that this thread got activated now, as last night I received an unpleasant trigger.

On arriving home, Bride mentioned that she had been approached by some influential folks about resuming union representative activities. (This activity was the factor that eventually drew POSOM and her together, and her leaving the position right after d-night was Bride's idea. We never actually discussed this.)

Anyway, I said nothing. She then said she hadn't given them an answer. I said nothing. Then Bride said she would decline. I said nothing....but smiled internally.


Thats good

Re: The NG Story [Re: Jedi Knight] #332665
01/24/14 03:34 PM
01/24/14 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted By: Jedi Knight
Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
omm and ss,
Thank you for the kind words.

It's odd that this thread got activated now, as last night I received an unpleasant trigger.

On arriving home, Bride mentioned that she had been approached by some influential folks about resuming union representative activities. (This activity was the factor that eventually drew POSOM and her together, and her leaving the position right after d-night was Bride's idea. We never actually discussed this.)

Anyway, I said nothing. She then said she hadn't given them an answer. I said nothing. Then Bride said she would decline. I said nothing....but smiled internally.


Thats good


NG:

Why?

OM is dead.

Do you think that if Bride got involved with the union again that she would have another affair?

There may be a reason WHY she needs to get involved. Can you ask her that?

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #332672
01/24/14 04:00 PM
01/24/14 04:00 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
How did I miss that OM is dead?

Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #332679
01/24/14 04:46 PM
01/24/14 04:46 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
Originally Posted By: SFB
Originally Posted By: Jedi Knight
Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
omm and ss,
Thank you for the kind words.

It's odd that this thread got activated now, as last night I received an unpleasant trigger.

On arriving home, Bride mentioned that she had been approached by some influential folks about resuming union representative activities. (This activity was the factor that eventually drew POSOM and her together, and her leaving the position right after d-night was Bride's idea. We never actually discussed this.)

Anyway, I said nothing. She then said she hadn't given them an answer. I said nothing. Then Bride said she would decline. I said nothing....but smiled internally.


Thats good


NG:

Why?

OM is dead.

Do you think that if Bride got involved with the union again that she would have another affair?

There may be a reason WHY she needs to get involved. Can you ask her that?

SFB


This topic was actually eventually what got me banned from MB. There was a FWW there who had had an A with her record producer, I think. Years after, when she and her H were in recovery and she had demonstrated years of change, she wanted to sing in a church choir.

Let me explain how a church choir works. You go every week for an hour or so with 25-50-100 other people, the director leads you in practicing songs, and you stand up in the choir loft on Sunday and sing said songs. There is no one-on-one interaction. There is no secret sharing, and people sit in sections, so unless this woman happened to be a baritone, she would likely be surrounded by women at practice.

And yet somehow wanting to sing in a group setting made her wayward because years ago she had an A with the man who worked one-on-one with her to produce a solo CD.

Re: The NG Story [Re: herfuturesbright] #332685
01/24/14 05:48 PM
01/24/14 05:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,121
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Herf I remember that one. Blew my mind.

Re: The NG Story [Re: herfuturesbright] #332686
01/24/14 06:09 PM
01/24/14 06:09 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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SFB: I did not forbid (dissuade, disincent) Bride to consider the job. I said nothing. I watched her run through the pro's and cons without me. She decided not to pursue the assignment. I am very glad she did.

HFB: I would suggest that there is a highly valued MA member who could speak to the danger to marriages posed by church choirs much better than could you or I. And it isn't just church choirs. ANY very intense activity involving struggle, achievement, and passions can easily morph into the link that two potential APs develop. Hell's bells, in my twenties, I spent one evening a month playing strategic board games with a crew of "geeks". Two of them used the fellowship generated by a "Dungeons and Dragons" campaign to cheat on their spouses!

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #332687
01/24/14 06:26 PM
01/24/14 06:26 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
The problem with that is that in a church choir...you look at music and sing for an hour and go home. No private messages, no secret chats, no blah blah. BTW, a small praise team is NOT a church choir.

Sorry, uh-uh. Being in a 100 member choir choir where you sit with your fellow sopranos for an hour is NOT the same thing. I've been on praise teams. They practice longer, they spend outside of practice time bonding, two or three members often spend even more time working on duets or solos. It's different. It just is.

BTW again, after I broke down crying because my opinion was called wayward, my h (you know, the one I betrayed) got on using my name and defended me, scolding the PTB for making me a wreck over something so stupid when I was a truly reformed FWW. The response was to ban me and delete the post.

Kool Aid - it's bad for you.

Last edited by herfuturesbright; 01/24/14 06:29 PM.
Re: The NG Story [Re: herfuturesbright] #332689
01/24/14 06:39 PM
01/24/14 06:39 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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...fellowship generated by a "Dungeons and Dragons" campaign...

...No private messages, no secret chats...


...and yet, the elf and the dwarf found reason to "roll the dice" in a VERY private game! mad

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #332713
01/24/14 09:06 PM
01/24/14 09:06 PM
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NG:

Can I look at it a different way?

What if she had run thru the pros and cons and decided to pursue the opportunity?

What would have happened then?

What if she had suggested something else? For example: Taking an one evening a week teaching position at a local community college.

Would you have remained silent while she went thru those pros and cons?

One gave us one example. She has been the model Bride. Just wondering about how the *normal* dynamic might be like.

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #332725
01/24/14 09:56 PM
01/24/14 09:56 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
...fellowship generated by a "Dungeons and Dragons" campaign...

...No private messages, no secret chats...


...and yet, the elf and the dwarf found reason to "roll the dice" in a VERY private game! mad


And that's the thing....there is nothing we can do to guarantee there will never be an A...and whether we think we can or not, we cannot predict what WILL mean one. Example: a teacher cheats with a teacher. They move 100's of miles away. They are struggling financially because FWS is now at home. So....does it make sense to YOU that this person can never teach again at any school EVER?

This reminds me of those churches who take modesty so far they wear ankle length skirts...or maybe burkas? What if the FWS uses a computer, drives a car, uses handwritng, wears pink.....do they cut out all of these? How far do we go?

For the record, I am very glad your bride did not take the job.

Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #332897
01/26/14 11:02 PM
01/26/14 11:02 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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What if she had run thru the pros and cons and decided to pursue the opportunity?...What if she had suggested something else? For example: Taking an one evening a week teaching position at a local community college...Would you have remained silent while she went thru those pros and cons?

Actually, SFB, there are NO restrictions on Bride's actions or activities. No community college courses taught, but some adult education courses taken - belly dancing and yoga - and I had/have no qualms. She does teach "remedial" religious education to teenagers coming back to the Church one night a week. She played in a mixed-gender golf league a year ago, and I never gave it much thought.

But that specific initiative, after the tight linkage it had to her ties to Mr Worm-food, I think would have rankled. And I think Bride knew it would have been an unnecessary jab at the new marriage we have built, so I'm glad she had the sensitivity to the situation to decline.

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #332935
01/27/14 04:15 PM
01/27/14 04:15 PM
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NG:

Thanks for the answer.

I try to be careful of the minefield 8 years out. I am aware of some of the locations, there are big holes there now, but I have learned other places to walk safely....

Flamingo has learned to tell me that this might be a "trigger" area if something comes up in daily life.

It gets better with time.

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #346089
05/01/14 04:03 AM
05/01/14 04:03 AM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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Okay, so where were you in 1976, specifically May 1?

To review:

Gerald Ford was President; Nelson Rockefeller (pre-Megan Marshak!) was Vice-President. The reigning MLB Champions were the Cincinnati Reds, sadly to repeat the next Fall against the NY Yankees. The Steelers were sitting Super Bowl X winners over the Cowboys.

One month earlier, on April 1, Stephen Wozniak & Steven Jobs founded Apple Computer, which was good, because in March, Queen Elizabeth II had sent out the first royal e-mail, from the Royal Signals and Radar Establishment.

On May 1 itself, the 102nd Kentucky Derby went to Angel Cordero Jr on Bold Forbes in 2:01.6.

But just before that, in a Greenpoint, NY deluged and swamped with rain, NG and Bride posed for this picture:



38 Years Today!

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #346091
05/01/14 05:19 AM
05/01/14 05:19 AM
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LivingWell Offline
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Happy Anniversary to you both. smile

Re: The NG Story [Re: LivingWell] #346094
05/01/14 06:05 AM
05/01/14 06:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
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PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
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PEEKSKILL NY
Happy Anniversary

NICE


Re: The NG Story [Re: Rich57] #346103
05/01/14 10:23 AM
05/01/14 10:23 AM
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lost rabbit Offline
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Happy Anniversary to both of you!


Once was lost but now found and happily married!

The story
http://www.marriageadvocates.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php/topics/34625/Where_do_I_go

Re: The NG Story [Re: lost rabbit] #346112
05/01/14 12:43 PM
05/01/14 12:43 PM
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midwest
Miranda Offline
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midwest
Now THAT's what I'm TALKIN' about!!! Congratulations on 38 years and best wishes for at least 38 more!


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: The NG Story [Re: Miranda] #346115
05/01/14 01:03 PM
05/01/14 01:03 PM
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Happy Anniversary NG! Time to celebrate!



"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: The NG Story [Re: Rich57] #346130
05/01/14 01:42 PM
05/01/14 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted By: Rich57
Happy Anniversary

NICE



I will Re-Like...

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: The NG Story [Re: SFB] #346190
05/02/14 12:11 AM
05/02/14 12:11 AM
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Ace Offline
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Way to go!

Ace

Re: The NG Story [Re: NeverGuessed] #346467
05/05/14 09:57 PM
05/05/14 09:57 PM
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Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
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The Dark Side of the Moon
Happy Belated Anniversary, NG!


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: The NG Story [Re: AntigoneRisen] #346469
05/05/14 10:39 PM
05/05/14 10:39 PM
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Florida
Gladstone Offline
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Florida
Happy Anniversary!!


**Formerly known as Cuthbert Calculus**

"There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots."

Glad Tidings

Gladstone's Sucess Story
Re: The NG Story [Re: Gladstone] #347390
05/12/14 09:28 PM
05/12/14 09:28 PM
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NeverGuessed Offline OP
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Thank you for the anniversary greetings, my friends.

Warden, please get out your keys!

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