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Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: TimeHeals] #26596
11/23/10 01:28 AM
11/23/10 01:28 AM
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Lifechoice Offline
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TimeHeals,

Thank you for your thoughts.

Yes Not Just Friends was one of the first books I read after I ended the A. Post-A I quickly learned how typical my situation was. My A was so textbook my name could be in most of the books I've read

The reason I "sort of" still question things from 98-03 is because I didn't hide anything from my DH, sadly even the flirting. I use to be very flirty with everyone and always felt it was innocent and safe. I do not feel that way about flirting anymore and don't flirt with anyone. I also didn't hide from my DH the fact FOM was my "go to" guy. I never discussed anything with FOM that I didn't tell my DH about. Quite often I would tell him how FOM was able to de-stress me about such and such. A few times when I needed a guy to help me do something, if my DH wasn't able, he suggested I call FOM and see if he could help me.

As for his W not knowing about our friendship, I always assumed she knew the same stuff my DH did. It wasn't until after I ended things FOM told me his W didn't know how close we were. In hindsight and knowing this now I'm sure in social situations I probably shared things with her she didn't know about because I assumed she did.

Quote:
I also read some of your H's response, and I see he is almost taking responsibility for your affair, and while your marriage had its issues prior to the affair, I wonder if those might not have been solved in some other way had the affair not taken place. I think it's fair to take responsibility for one's contribution to the state of the marriage prior to the affair, but I really do hate to see the BS taking responsibility for the affair.


I agree his post does read that way and at one point he did try to take responsibility for it. It took him a while to accept it, but he does know he is not responsible for the A at all. Even when he tried to take responsibility I always told him, although we both were responsible for the state of our marriage, the A is all mine and none of it was his fault. His post was actually written a few years ago and posted on MB. I also have a copy of it in my personal journal. When I asked him if he minded posting it here he agreed to it, but pretty much just copied and pasted it from my journal. I asked him if he thought he wanted to update anything and he declined.

What he posted here is slightly different than the one on MB, but pretty close which is why he registered to post it vs me posting it and giving him credit. We didn't want to violate any copyright rules since there is an almost identical version posted on another board.

Quote:
And there is an opportunity to learn something simple and yet profound here: Friendships with members of the opposite sex other than your spouse that involve confiding your deep and intimate thoughts can ultimately lead to more and more of your boundaries coming down and an affair that pushes your M into a crisis it may or may not survive.

As I said, you're not alone. This problem seems to be happening more and more, and part of it may be that this message about simple boundaries is getting lost among all the other messages we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

And there is another simple message: the way we keep the bond alive with our spouses is by confiding our deepest, most intimate thoughts, but we have to trust that they will listen and not sit in judgement or invalidate these things or we will not feel safe to share them.


ITA! It is all about boundaries. I honestly never really even thought about them, now you can bet I think about them all the time.


******PLEASE share your Success Story******* #34759
12/13/10 12:08 AM
12/13/10 12:08 AM
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Please start your own Success Stories thread so we can build this forum and encourage many with hope and inspiration! Thanks, Ace

Last edited by new_beginning; 12/24/10 01:16 AM. Reason: subject title changed at request of thread originator - nb

We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: Lifechoice] #34781
12/13/10 01:04 AM
12/13/10 01:04 AM
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I think this is a great idea. When I reached the stage of reconciliation where I was ready to seek out message boards to further my understanding, I treasured the success stories, because they showed me that reconciliation was possible.

And even when reconciliation wasn't in the cards, I got to see that life did, in fact, go on and that pain wasn't going to last forever.

Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: Marlowe] #34826
12/13/10 03:11 AM
12/13/10 03:11 AM
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Marlowe Offline
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Per request from the Welcome thread, here's my story in a nutshell:

Married 16 years.
Wife had a 2-year affair with a close friend (mine, best friend from HS x 20 years)
We consider ourselves reconciled from the infidelity (4+ years after D-day) and now just back to the fun/messy/hard business of building a successful marriage.

How did we do it?

What did I do? I was angry. I mean, I was angry a TON.

As I've mentioned elsethread, a major component of my wife's infidelity was an undiagnosed mental health issue that had steadily gotten worse prior to her affair. For us, the top priority was getting her healthy so I could evaluate from there whether or not the marriage was something I wanted to preserve.

So I sent her off (figuratively) to therapy and meds. In the meantime, I grappled with my strong religious upbringing and devoted myself to the study of topics like grace and forgiveness. Funny how easy those topics seem to kids brought up in the church. You sin, God forgives, done deal. Go and do likewise.

I had to realize that forgiveness is a REALLY big deal when you've finally been hurt deeply enough that actual forgiveness is required. Until my wife's infidelity, I only thought I understood God's saving grace. Now it's one of the deepest and most profound mysteries I've ever encountered.

Anyway, once that endeavor failed because I couldn't live up to it, I started reading everything I could get my hands on. I poured myself into understanding infidelity dynamics, the specifics of my wife's disorder, ways to control my constantly seething anger, etc.

Then I started building my own life. I committed early to staying until our youngest child graduated from school. It gave me an expiration date on the marriage should it prove intolerable, but it also told my wife that for 7 years, I was 100% in the marriage. It's important to point out here that though I was horribly angry, I did not express that anger on most occasions. I expressed my hurt, but tried to shield her from the anger frothing inside me.

It worked for us. We found our way back to one another gradually. I supported my wife while she finished school (she'd been a SAHM for most of our marriage). It's a long story and there were a great many steps and false steps along the way, but perhaps most significant was that we both agreed to act toward one another "as if" reconciliation was our goal. As much as I'd put an expiration date on my commitment, there was a part of me that desperately wanted to give her the opportunity to prove to me that rebuilding our marriage was not a mistake.

And she did that, in ways that astounded me over time. She's a wonderful woman, what can I say? It didn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that she was the best choice for me. I just had to be willing to get my degree in rocket surgery to see it again.

That's it in a very rough outline.

Addendum to original: At 4+ years out, it's important to know that I don't trigger. I don't have mind movies. I don't think about the affair on a daily basis. It's settled into the past as a memory of "experiences I've had" rather than something that defines my life now. If you'd asked me even a year ago, I'd probably have said that this sort of healing was crazy. I thought it would define my life from that moment forward, scarring my ability to relate to other people in open and honest ways due to the nature of the double betrayal.

By God's grace and our willingness to do the hard work to heal ourselves and help one another heal, we've endured. I'm looking forward to the next 16 years and beyond.

Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: Marlowe] #34832
12/13/10 03:33 AM
12/13/10 03:33 AM
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Originally Posted By: Marlowe
Per request from the Welcome thread, here's my story in a nutshell:

Married 16 years.
Wife had a 2-year affair with a close friend (mine, best friend from HS x 20 years)
We consider ourselves reconciled from the infidelity (4+ years after D-day) and now just back to the fun/messy/hard business of building a successful marriage.

How did we do it?...

...By God's grace and our willingness to do the hard work to heal ourselves and help one another heal, we've endured. I'm looking forward to the next 16 years and beyond.


Hi Marlowe,

Again, welcome to MA and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sharing your Success Story and beyond.

Please consider helping us build a forum from scratch entitled (((MAgnify))) your Marriage....how to go from good to GREAT. Magnify stands for Marriage Advocates Great New Ideas For You! We have a thread in the Construction Zone we just started with tips yet to be discovered. It's tentatively entitled "Growing your Marriage from Good to GREAT! Please join us and share yours.

Thanks,
Ace

Last edited by Ace; 12/13/10 03:36 AM. Reason: to add link

We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: Ace] #34838
12/13/10 03:43 AM
12/13/10 03:43 AM
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I'll take a look at it. Thanks again for the warm welcome, Ace. smile

ETA: Okay, I made a brief comment, but I don't think I structured it the way you intended. Still trying to get the hang of a different forum design. Eek.

Last edited by Marlowe; 12/13/10 04:04 AM.
Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: Marlowe] #34901
12/13/10 07:22 AM
12/13/10 07:22 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
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Short Version smile

I suspect, then detected, and then asked and received the bad news.

I went mad, then insane, then picked up my collective and made a plan. I read, I researched, I tried different things. I found DB, then MB.

I did plan A. I was awesome smile
I had a false recovery frown
I did plan B. I was awesome smile

He said the magic words... "I will do ANYTHING to get our M back on track.

First two years were full of upheavals, highs and lows, some M related, some family related. Now we love and are loved

My definition of a successful recovery... OUR successful recovery... neither of us is having an affair or want to, we haven't had an argument in so long that even after discussing it together, find we cannot put a finger on when that might have been. It may have possibly about 9 months ago.

We take CARE of each others feelings, emotions and physical needs. We RESPECT each other at all times, never run each other down, and fill each others EN's. We will never say things like "we stayed together for the children", "it was easier than the alternative", "it was too much hassle to get a D".

long version


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: Success Stories Construction Zone [Re: Marlowe] #35356
12/14/10 02:51 PM
12/14/10 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted By: Marlowe
I'll take a look at it. Thanks again for the warm welcome, Ace. smile

ETA: Okay, I made a brief comment, but I don't think I structured it the way you intended.


Hi Marlowe,

You're being a pioneer with us so I have no clue how "I intended it to be structured." Thanks for posting your idea on the MAGNIFY Marriage thread. What a win-win solution!

Originally Posted By: Marlowe
Still trying to get the hang of a different forum design. Eek.

Not sure if you're referring to the major reorg here on MA or another forum. Just curious, have you seen any other marriage discussion forums that have an emphasis on infidelity challenges that also gives tips of how to continuously improve a recoverED marraige?

Again, thanks,
Ace




We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ***Success Story Link ~ thread under construction*** [Re: Ace] #39585
12/23/10 06:20 PM
12/23/10 06:20 PM
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My success story, the short version! For the long version, I have a thread in the Carport. :-)

After 19+ years of marriage my husband up and told me back in April that he was no longer in love with me. He claimed there was no one else, and that he knew he would never have "those feelings" for me again. Thankfully, I had read (years ago) James Dobson's book, Love Must be Tough - a GREAT book about the psychology of relationships and what to do and not do in marital crisis. Because of this, I was able to respond appropriately to H's bomb and NOT react emotionally. This was key, I feel, in eventually reconciling.

Needless to say, I was shell-shocked by this bomb. It came out of nowhere for me at the time. In hindsight, I should've seen the warning signs that something was amiss. I immediately went to work on myself. Unknowingly I was in Plan A in MB terms or in DB terms, 180ing and GAL. I did this for several months and even went back to school to finish my degree.

At the beginning of June, I discovered a very sexual text message H sent to me by mistake that was supposed to go to OW! Now, I had searched and searched for proof that there was someone else prior to this, but found nothing concrete. I'd seen some facebook messages I didn't like, but nothing incriminating. I immediately confronted H about it. He stated it was nothing - that it didn't matter anyway because he was planning on leaving. Basically, I said, "there's the door." I thought at the time because I'd stood tall against having a third party in my marriage and told him he was free to go and he chose not to, that he was ready to work on saving our marriage and give it a chance. I started counseling. He went once. That should've spoke to me louder than it did at the time.

At the end of July, we went to a "save your marriage" workshop held by New Beginnings. He didn't want to go but supposedly was working on the marriage at the time, so he grudgingly went with some pushing from our 3 kids. At the end of it, he was still unwilling to commit to the future of our relationship. Once again, I told him he was free to go if he wanted out and was not willing to look for hope that we could have a better life. Once again, he chose not to go.

After that, I started seeing some small improvements in H's behavior. He wasn't "back" but he was trying. Well, I now realize he was trying only so I wouldn't make him leave. He was torn. He didn't want to leave his kids and didn't want to be the bad guy by leaving me, but he was entangled in an affair. I found that out the beginning of October. (NEVER ignore that gut feeling and gather every bit of intel you can!)

Once I'd gathered the proof I needed, I confronted H about the OW. A big fight ensued and I gave him an ultimatum: end the affair, commit to saving the marriage, or go. He left. Within 2 days I exposed the affair to our 3 children (late teens) and found information on the OW and exposed to her husband's brother and sister-in-law and others I'd found on facebook. (I could not get direct contact info on the OWH.) H was LIVID, needless to say. I got text messages, emails, and phone calls that made my hair stand on end!!! However, within days the affair ended. H wanted to go to counseling. Then he said he wanted to work things out. After much discussion and boundaries set, H moved back home late November. We are now happily reconciling using the Marriage Builders at home program. LOVE it! There are challenges, for sure, but it is well worth it and I couldn't ask for things to be going better at this point.

I truly believe there were many keys to me maintaining my sanity and ability to lead us back from the brink of divorce:

#1: God gave me strength I never thought I could have. I prayed A LOT and read a lot of scripture that was very fortifying and encouraging.

#2: God put people in my life to provide support. I found the DB site after reading Divorce Remedy and even though I now consider most of the advice on there useless, I was directed to some great advice through people who are now here on MA! Also, I got "real life" support through friends. I didn't tell everyone I know, but a few key friends I knew were pro-marriage and had my best interests at heart. Eventually I found the MB site and then, MA.

#3: I took care of myself and my kids. I took a hard look at what H had to say were my faults and realized some of those were true and I needed to change. I did and still am. I started taking better care of myself physically - exercising and eating right. I had heart to hearts with my 3 kids about what I needed to improve in my relationships with them. I became a more positive person. I also went to the doctor and was put on a very mild anti-depressant to help me cope.

#4: Getting a life of my own helped give me the confidence I needed to overcome my feelings of how to react in my situation: to do what was best instead of I felt - and overcome my fears in doing so. It also helped me start realizing my own self worth again!

#5: I absorbed the information from various things I was reading on marriage and from our weekend retreat. I thought it all through and employed what I felt best for my marriage. Throughout it all there was a bit of tough love, a bit of DBing, a bit of MBing. Mainly, I think the principles I hung on to were that respect is at the bottom of every relationship. If you don't respect yourself, your spouse will not either. If your spouse does not respect you, he or she cannot love you!

I think "tough love" is also at the basis for every good method of dealing with all of this. You have to be tough - to hold your spouse accountable and maintain the line of self respect. However, you also have to be loving: anything you do that is mean, vindictive, or out of anger and lashing out is counter-productive. Finding the balance is HARD at times! Someone once called it being a "quiet warrior." I like that term.

If you are dealing with infidelity, you simply CAN NOT save your marriage with the 3rd person in it! You must get rid of that person in order to begin recovery of any sorts. Thus, you have to let go, set your spouse free, and by all means, expose the affair if it will do any good in your situation to end it. (I say the if part in that last sentence because this HAS to be done in the right way.) I was very fortunate to have someone lead me through this process step by step and others holding my hand while I did so.

Lastly, whatever you do, you must have WISE counsel throughout it all. Not all therapists are equal and not all advice is equal. Another must - getting past your fears of pushing your partner further away in the most trying circumstances. It's not for sissies! Starfish's post on this is perfect.

OK: that wasn't very short, but still shorter than a 28 page thread! LOL

Last edited by SunnyD; 12/23/10 07:59 PM.
Re: ***Success Story Link ~ thread under construction*** [Re: SunnyD] #39603
12/23/10 06:54 PM
12/23/10 06:54 PM
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Thanks for sharing, Sunny. What an inspiration. claps

You're welcome to keep posting on this thread but if you want to start your own SS thread here, many will benefit from that, too!

Again, glad you're here.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ***Success Story Link ~ thread under construction*** [Re: Ace] #39625
12/23/10 07:48 PM
12/23/10 07:48 PM
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Originally Posted By: Ace
Thanks for sharing, Sunny. What an inspiration. claps

You're welcome to keep posting on this thread but if you want to start your own SS thread here, many will benefit from that, too!

Again, glad you're here.

Ace


OH...I see! I thought I was supposed to just post here, lol.

Re: ***Success Story Link ~ thread under construction*** [Re: SunnyD] #39651
12/23/10 09:41 PM
12/23/10 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted By: SunnyD

OH...I see! I thought I was supposed to just post here, lol.


No worries, Sunny. The blue "Success Stories" here was a link to the original Construction Zone Success Story Thread, so it is confusing but that's going to change now that you've posted your own thread. Many will benefit from your efforts.

Lifechoice and DocP have their stories on the Construction Zone thread and I will ask them to start their own threads, too. She was hoping someone else would post soon. Hopefully others will share their stories, too.

If any reader would like to provide inspiration for others, please return to the Success Story title page linked HERE and click on the "New Topic" button at the upper left of the column. Insert your title and post your story like Sunny did.

Thanks,
Ace

Last edited by Ace; 12/24/10 01:28 PM. Reason: insert link to title page so posters can start a new thread for their own Success Stories....thanks!

We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ******PLEASE share your Success Story******* [Re: Ace] #39755
12/24/10 01:17 AM
12/24/10 01:17 AM
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Title changed at thread originator's request and a friendly bump. smile


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: ******PLEASE share your Success Story******* [Re: Ace] #40662
12/27/10 03:57 AM
12/27/10 03:57 AM
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Well, here is my success story:

I know there is a lot of you suffering out there. A lot trying to recover your marriages, some feeling hopeless. I want to give you hope from someone who has gone through Hell and is back on top again....

I just joined this site. I do port sometimes on marriagebuilders but never got much of a response. I am not the best about keeping up with threads (or e-mail, facebook posts, or texting). I do read here. I am rooting for all of you!

My ex left me for someone else, an older Ho on her 5th marriage. He lost his mind. We have 3 kids. I did not know of MB until about 2 months before the divorce (Aug 2007). I did everything wrong. It was 2 years of Hell which almost broke me, I went through a pretty deep depression and was almost to the point of a breakdown. We lived in TX at the time. Ho and her Husband moved to Ohio. One night in October 2007 my ex just took off to OH; he left his job, apartment and everything behind - I was left in a tiny apartment with 3 kids, a broken down car, no child support, and I soon lost my job. We packed up and moved to Northern California in January 2008, borrowing money from different relatives which barely got us there. We lived with my Grandmother for a little over a year. It was extremely difficult finding a job - I swallowed my pride and worked many temp and seasonal positions. May 2009 we moved to ghetto apartments, but it was ours. Them, in August 2009, I was offered a temp position with a company that sells almonds all over the world. Even as a temp, they treated me well and paid well. February 2010, I was made a permanent employee. In May 2010, we moved out of the ghetto apartments to a very nice rental home in a good area with good schools, within walking distance of my work. My kids required a lot of therapy and work over the divorce, but they are happy now. Just this month, I got a huge Christmas bonus and found out I'm getting a 30% raise to start off my New Year. We go to a wonderful church where I have lots of friends who support and pray for us. I have made friends with the Moms and the teachers at my kids' schools. My oldest son is 16 and takes guitar lessons - he practices all the time. My younger son is 13 and wrestles and plays soccer. He is very popular at school and has tons of friends. My daughter is 10 and is such a free spirit - loves to sing and play.

And my ex - well, funny thing is, once he got to OH to be with his GF - well, that relationship just died. Very quickly. Once I was nowhere in the picture, it just wasn't interesting anymore, I guess. By April of 2008, he was laid off, had no girlfriend, and totaled his car. He had to call his Mommy and Daddy to come up there from Oklahoma (where we're both originally from), to come and save him. They are extremely enabling so they did. He lived with them for a long time, and recently moved into his deceased grandmother's home with his younger brother. His parents had 3 boys - my ex was the oldest - and all three are divorced and sponging off Mommy and Daddy. The youngest has drug and domestic violence charges. My ex sacrificed everything for his affair. He lost his wife, his kids, his money, his job, and any self respect or dignity he ever had. OW got off scot free. She sacrificed nothing. My ex sees his kids maybe 2 - 3 times a year. Half his check is garnished for child support. I saw him a couple of weeks ago when he came to visit the kids (1st time in 3 years he made the effort to come and see them). He looks horrible. He is overweight, has a scraggly beard, hair is graying and looks generally nasty and grimy, his clothes look worn and threadbare. We are about the same age (37) but I am always told I look like I'm in my late 20's.

This year we had the best Christmas ever!!! It has been 3 years since the divorce, almost 5 years since he started the affair. And I am so much better off and happier than I ever was when I was even married. Life is good. It was extremely rough during the affair and soooo hard during the unemployment and having to be on food stamps and medi-Cal and all that. But I now have a great job, unbelievable health benefits, great kids, wonderful friends, and a decent income. Stay strong, everyone, and hang in there. Whether you recover your marriage or not, you will persevere.

Oh, and have a Happy New Year!!!


Re: ******PLEASE share your Success Story******* [Re: Raquel73] #41745
12/29/10 07:19 PM
12/29/10 07:19 PM
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I'll post a quick summary here, but I will expand on it in a future post of my own. The 6th anniversary of our reconnection is in a couple of weeks, and that is an appropriate time to reflect and to write about what happened and where we are now.

Short version: just about six years ago, I discovered my wife had a secret email account. Motivated by curiosity, I guessed the password and started reading. I was shocked to discover that my wife did not like me at all, and was talking about divorce with her brother and friends... including an ex-boyfriend who I knew she occasionally spoke with on the phone.

In retrospect, shouldn't have been all that shocking, as my wife had been fairly cold toward me for years... and as I thought about it, I realized I had really been a terrible husband. She had gone into some detail with her friends about all of my flaws, and I had to admit that she had a point.

I was very much in shock, and I left work for a break to take a walk around the building and think. I realized that I wasn't ready to walk away, and I decided to fight for my marriage - and to earn back my wife's affection and esteem. And I realized I had an advantage that most folks don't have - I'd seen her emails, and knew exactly, in her own words, where I missed the mark and what she couldn't stand about me. She'd unintentionally given me a roadmap back (I hoped) to her heart.

I started that night...

Details to come very soon...


**Formerly known as Cuthbert Calculus**

"There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots."

Glad Tidings

Gladstone's Sucess Story
Re: ******PLEASE share your Success Story******* [Re: Gladstone] #41816
12/29/10 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted By: Gladstone
I'll post a quick summary here, but I will expand on it in a future post of my own. The 6th anniversary of our reconnection is in a couple of weeks, and that is an appropriate time to reflect and to write about what happened and where we are now.

Short version: just about six years ago, I discovered my wife had a secret email account. She'd unintentionally given me a roadmap back (I hoped) to her heart...

...

I started that night...

Details to come very soon...


Hey Gladstone,

You've given me an idea for how to use this thread. Maybe it can be the "short version" Success Stories thread for a brief synopsis of recoveries that will have links to the full stories developed on individual threads.

Thanks and congratulations on your success. I love your tease (AKA 'cliffhanger') approach. I look forward to your full story, 6 years later!

Ace

P.S. I noticed that the original post on this thread got bumped down so I've moved the new 'first post' to its proper place: on Lifechoice's and Docp's thread. Hope that's OK.


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ***PLEASE share your Success Story*** [Re: Ace] #153392
09/02/11 02:27 PM
09/02/11 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted By: Ace
Please start your own Success Stories thread so we can build this forum and encourage many with hope and inspiration!


I know there are many lurkers who could benefit from reading success stories, personal or personal/marital.

Please consider starting a thread with yours.

Thanks,
Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ***Short Success Stories*** [Re: Ace] #187641
12/11/11 03:40 PM
12/11/11 03:40 PM
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Sometimes the short versions of Success Stories are helpful for posters seeking inspiration who don't have lots of time to read long versions.

Thought I'd shorten the title, too.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ***Short Success Stories*** [Re: Ace] #197031
01/14/12 12:42 AM
01/14/12 12:42 AM
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believer Offline
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We have a couple of success stories here where members did not save their marriage.

Goblin is now a Fellow in the College of Emergency Medicine.

Evolve passed her boards and is a board certified specialist in Small Animal Emergency Medicine.

Hope finished his degree in Acquisitions.

All of the above continued studying and made great strides, while still trying to save their marriage.

Congratulations!


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: ***Short Success Stories*** [Re: believer] #422940
05/20/17 06:01 PM
05/20/17 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted By: believer
We have a couple of success stories here where members did not save their marriage.

Goblin is now a Fellow in the College of Emergency Medicine.

Evolve passed her boards and is a board certified specialist in Small Animal Emergency Medicine.

Hope finished his degree in Acquisitions.

All of the above continued studying and made great strides, while still trying to save their marriage.

Congratulations!


Hi Believer,

I just saw your post, uh....over 5 years after you submitted it. Sorry. I've been negligent in more ways than one.

I thought about my own Success Story and found this thread which actually started in the Construction Zone before we had a separate Success Story Forum. I hope we keep this forum if/when a re-organization develops.

It's been 11 years since the A-stuff and 10 years since I started posting on MB and later MA. As described in the story attached to my sig line, we've been in recovery but it's taken us (me) a long time to reach the state of recoverED. I think we are closer than we've ever been to each other and to feeling like the A-stuff is past history.

Like you said, Believer, there are many people who recover themselves even if their marriages do not survive. IMVHO they can be considered a Success Story, too. In addition to those you mentioned, Raquel73's story posted above is another great example.

Does anyone else have or know about stories of personal recovery that can inspire others, even if the M did not survive?

Thanks,
Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: ***Short Success Stories*** [Re: Ace] #423064
05/22/17 03:41 PM
05/22/17 03:41 PM
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Rich57 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Ace
Does anyone else have or know about stories of personal recovery that can inspire others, even if the M did not survive?

My marriage did not survive but I did.
Recovery on a personal level is an everyday mission.
I have made many new friends from the ashes of our marriage and I continue to work on my self, this shall continue until they shovel dirt on top of me.

Although life did not turn out as I was expecting,
it is still quite good.

Cherish everyday of your life and live it to the fullest.
Don't leave anything on the table and don't wait around for something to change,
take the bull by the horns and you will be for ever greatful.

Thanks MA!

Re: ***Short Success Stories*** [Re: Rich57] #423068
05/22/17 03:50 PM
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Miranda Offline
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I guess you could view my story as a success story, although I view it as a work in progress..

idk..


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: ***Short Success Stories*** [Re: Miranda] #423797
05/31/17 01:15 PM
05/31/17 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted By: Rich57
Originally Posted By: Ace
Does anyone else have or know about stories of personal recovery that can inspire others, even if the M did not survive?

My marriage did not survive but I did.
Recovery on a personal level is an everyday mission.
I have made many new friends from the ashes of our marriage and I continue to work on my self, this shall continue until they shovel dirt on top of me.

Although life did not turn out as I was expecting,
it is still quite good.

Cherish everyday of your life and live it to the fullest.
Don't leave anything on the table and don't wait around for something to change,
take the bull by the horns and you will be for ever greatful.

Thanks MA!
Originally Posted By: Miranda
I guess you could view my story as a success story, although I view it as a work in progress..

idk..


Thanks to both of you, first for all you do here at MA and for posting to this thread. Interesting trivia note that since I bumped it 10 days ago, there have been nearly 200 views. People are seeking success and Rich, you've shown why I think it's possible to consider one a success even if the M doesn't survive.

Even when the M is on bumpy ground, it's a work in progress like you say, Miranda, to get to where the M is thriving, not just surviving.

Thanks,
Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story

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