You've weathered the crisis....and now what? Learn skills for ending harmful habits, improving communication, and boosting compatibility. Get support for recovery after crisis, or preventing crisis and taking your marriage to the next level.

I guess I'm wondering how many successfully recover their marriages. I would love to see some success stories?

butty, here is a link for you. Success stories

And Welcome to MA! Here is a thread that has a lot of information for newcomers.

Welcome Wagon

The title of this thread caught my eye. I've been posting on the infidelity/abandonment forum under the title "Long Term Affair". The folks who have responded have been so very helpful to me, supportive and enlightening. Although I take their good advise to be careful and aware, I think I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. We still have to define boundaries, make a more solid plan and take our marriage to the "next level".

What does that mean though? WH is very patient with my questions and the need to often discuss his A. He has NC with the OW and claims total devotion to rebuilding. We spend all of our free time together and have even had a few days of peace without negative emotion.

However, I feel that something is missing. Although I am not expecting him to come home and get on his knees asking for my forgiveness, I feel a bit frustrated knowing he can push the pain and shock of the A out of his mind much more often than I can. I don't want to always be bombarding him with my thoughts about the secret life he led, but I feel I need him to open that window to me and OFFER some insight.

What should he be doing to move forward in addition to being home every night, being accountable for his whereabouts during the day, calling me every couple of hours, and being available to talk whenever I initiate it? Why am I still obsessing? It's been just over 2 months since d-day.

Why are you still obsessing after 2 months since d-day ..... cuz it's only been 2 months since you found out that the person who you'd least expect to stab you in the back ... had in fact done that.
You won't feel like both feet are on the ground for approx. 2 yrs., I think that's when I could actually look back and see a big difference with how I was feeling in the M.

I meant to mention to you, Crushed, I'd read more on your thread after I'd done a post to you. Boy, I could've wrote so much of what you wrote. Can't for the life of me remember the details of what made think that now (without going back to read) but I had huge 'oh yeah's' on your thread.

There's some threads here in this forum that are helpful for what you are looking for. Good for you for being so focused on the future. I'll bump some up to the top for you.
You might want to start a thread over here or have yours moved over here. You can change the title of your thread if you'd like, up to you.

Hello Crushed,
Welcome to recovery. My FWH and I are now almost 1 year since our D-Day and I must say I experienced many of the same feelings you described. In fact on the occasional "bad" day I still do. Overtime as he continues to earn back your trust, your good days will far out number your bad moments. And again over time your obsessing, hurt and even anger will diminish. It can be done with lots of patience and communitcation. You are in very good company here. Best of luck.

Thanks for the replies. I look forward to the days when these thoughts diminish. I feel that I can't concentrate on much else for any length of time.

I just posted on my original thread where it was also suggested by Ace to maybe move the thread here or start a new one in this "Recovery" topic.

I received a lot of support and good advice from posters there and I wouldn't want them to think that I have moved away from their support, but perhaps that is the way these forums work.

They helped me through the first devastating weeks of pain and confusion feeling shattered. Now maybe it is time to concentrate on Recovering, but I don't feel that I have recovered ME yet.

It's Tuesday today, and Tuesday was "their" day, so not a great one for me.

Well there you go, Crushed. Start with Tuesdays. RECLAIM Tuesday as "your day" Starting...well next week make Tuesday "Mr. and Mrs. Crushed Day". As an example, that's the day you get dressed up and wear makeup; the day you wear some new underthings and send him texts all day to make him guess what the new item is; the day you go out "grown up fun" together. Very clearly and very distinctly, mark Tuesdays as YOUR DAY.

We will follow you here Crushed. This is where you belong. You have done a fantastic job getting as far as you have in such a short time. I for one am very proud of you. FORWARD into a new life.

Hugs

Orchid: Recovery is a longer journey for most than dealing with the A and it has it's own set of challenges. Just like it takes time for the mind and heart to sync up so the BS can move forward, recovery requires trust to be rebuilt and that takes time plus effort.



Orchid: Sounds like your triggers are still strong. Let's start with what kind of closure do you think you need?

Orchid, do you realize the last post on this thread was a year ago?

No....my bad, but the questions may still be valid doncha think?

Need to kick up this part of the forum.