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Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: Larry] #35798
12/15/10 02:30 AM
12/15/10 02:30 AM
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AlTurtle Offline OP
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I think there is something so wonderful about hearing what makes other people's Lizards purr. It's as if I feel nurtured hearing them talking about feeling nurtured. Love it all. Go for it.

I found that my Lizard actually had long lists of what he liked. I had just not paid him much attention. Till I friended him. Hmm, he likes wine and a bit of a buzz. He loves hot drinks. If my wife brings me a cuppa coffee, he feels good.

(X-Rated comment. Have you ever figured out why men's pornography is often about the fantasy of women's orgasm? Women's porn, too. "I love it when she purrs." Silly, but tis all about the Lizard. Hope this thought doesn't cause too much trouble and get people off topic.)


Principles are simple. Applying them is a tough U-Do-It project. Go 4 it!
Al Turtle
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: Larry] #35799
12/15/10 02:30 AM
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OurHouse Offline
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I can see how one can friend their own lizard.

I can't see how you can begin to friend someone else's lizard. To me, my partner's lizard is my adversary and I need boundaries to protect myself from it.

I'm not sure he sees it the same way. He sees my boundary drawing as rejection. The other day, when I told him that we could only control our own actions and reactions, he got (his lizard got?) very angry.

So the more his lizard becomes an adversary, the more I feel the need to make my lizard my protector.

Not a great place to be.

Did I mention I really hate lizards?

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: OurHouse] #35828
12/15/10 03:55 AM
12/15/10 03:55 AM
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My lizard loves to sing...jazz, Broadway, Christian, diva songs like "I Will Survive" and "Respect"; to write poetry; to paint and play with clay - she would love to have a pottery wheel for no particular reason; honestly, she loves to joke and act - when she is safe she enjoys being the center of attention; she looooves coming up with new ways to creatively teach children - she loves to brainstorm; oh, and dancing....I only ever dance alone ofr in front of my forgiving students, but I love to turn on beautiful music when no one is home and just dance

The things that make my lizard want to fight or freeze or flee....alone time with my mother, the mirror/scale, the dark, when something triggers those memories of falling so so short, being invisible, a precarious balance in the checking account

Last edited by heremainsfaithful; 12/15/10 03:56 AM.
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: AlTurtle] #35960
12/15/10 12:46 PM
12/15/10 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted By: AlTurtle
Everyone join in here. As someone mentioned here's a question. What can you do that will make it in his interest to start to take responsiblity for his actions, his words, etc?


Al, this being your whiteboard thread I am going to decline to "join in" because it would be potentially "thread-jacking" to your topic and potential goal. So, I'll simply toss out a couple of things to not leave you hanging as to some of my thoughts on what you've presented so far.

1. I agree with some of the others who have "hinted at" this lizard stuff just being a nice discussion topic but of no real practical help to their marital situation. Not sure I would put it in the "psychobabble" category or not, but definitely in the "don't confront" category in an attempt to "keep the peace" at all costs it seems.

2. Your concept of the lizard as an uncontrollable "force" that all you can do is try to keep it "happy" is not dealing with the fundamental problem, it is placating the problem.

3. MY "worldview" is different from many on the system in that it is based in my belief of, and in, God and the reality of what has been revealed to us about Man's basic nature (perhaps what you are trying to describe as the "lizard within each of us").

4. I agree that we are only responsible for our actions, our own choices, and ourselves. But the problem as I see in respect to this topic, and especially with respect to marital relationships in general and in recovery from infidelity efforts in specific, is that it keeps dancing around the issue of self-preeminence, to which pride is closely tied. That issue speaks to what I refer to as the "who sits on the throne of your life" issue. Someone will always be sitting on that throne as the Sovereign in their life and that Sovereign will take the authority to "write the rules." (It's either Me or Thee)

But until there is a change in the basic nature, nothing will fundamentally change because there will be no "submitting" of "MY" will to anyone else (unless it serves MY purpose to do so on a given issue or two, in the "I get something out if it by doing so," in a self-centered focus).

CAN someone "control" or "sooth" their own "lizard?" Sure, by applying the previous sentence to the "higher" issue. Reason CAN "control" emotional reactions temporarily, but they can't change the basic focus of those emotions, which is on "ME!" We also can, in sort of a Pavlovian response, train ourselves to NOT "react" in ways that we don't like or want to "be" who we are. If it is our habit, for example, to do "so and so" when confronted with something we don't like, we can "re-train" ourselves to build a new "habitual response" over time by applying the "Stop doing that, and replace it with Doing this" method of changing habits.

So to give you one answer to your question; "What can you do that will make it in his interest to start to take responsibility for his actions, his words, etc?",
let me simply say that you can appeal to HIS will, to frame it in such a way that he GETS something he wants for changing his behavior to conform to YOUR standard of behavior (since it clearly defines his current behavior as "wrong").

OR you can appeal to HIS surrender of his will to some "outside of himself set of standards" because he is NOT the true sovereign in his life. But that's where the "lizard" (what I think would best be attributed to our innate "sin-nature") will FIGHT. That fight has been going on for a very long time, fooling us into thinking that we ARE "in control" when we really are not. It is that false belief of who is in control that blinds us to true healing that comes from actually being a NEW creation, no longer enslaved to and controlled by our basic sin-nature. But since that is more religious or theological than is appropriate for this thread, I will end here and wish you, and everyone participating, well in the great dragon discussion.


In Christ-like love at all times.

So that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2Cor 1:4b)

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: AlTurtle] #35979
12/15/10 01:37 PM
12/15/10 01:37 PM
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Quote:
I think there is something so wonderful about hearing what makes other people's Lizards purr.


Mine sees safety in love and acceptance, but only from some people. Other people it doesn't seem to care about. Is my lizard selectively blind? Does it only worry - from a standpoint of emotional safety - about people about whom I care enough that they have the capacity to hurt me? If my lizard is this way, isn't most people's?


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: AntigoneRisen] #35996
12/15/10 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted By: AntigoneRisen
Quote:
I think there is something so wonderful about hearing what makes other people's Lizards purr.


Mine sees safety in love and acceptance, but only from some people. Other people it doesn't seem to care about. Is my lizard selectively blind? Does it only worry - from a standpoint of emotional safety - about people about whom I care enough that they have the capacity to hurt me? If my lizard is this way, isn't most people's?


AR, no, your "lizard" is not selectively blind. It is responding to the base nature that is self-focused. That's all it CAN see because it can't see "beyond self."

But the God-given "way" that we were originally created, and which we should try as hard as we can to implement, is contained in the first and second "greatest" commandments that Jesus stated.

IF we did those, we would not have the strife we see all around us, and even within us.

But we can't do that until such time as we ARE a new creation. As long as we are operating in servitude to "another master" we will continue to make choices and do things that are directed at 'self interest' and not the interest of others. We can convince ourselves that we are trying, as in trying to apply the "Golden Rule" to our thoughts and actions, but we are doing so from a perspective of 'as long as I think it's beneficial for me to do so'. The focus of the efforts remains solely on ME and what I think is "right or wrong" at any given time.

JMHO


In Christ-like love at all times.

So that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2Cor 1:4b)

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: OurHouse] #36110
12/15/10 05:12 PM
12/15/10 05:12 PM
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AlTurtle Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
I can see how one can friend their own lizard. I can't see how you can begin to friend someone else's lizard. To me, my partner's lizard is my adversary and I need boundaries to protect myself from it. Did I mention I really hate lizards?


So let's walk through this. You believe you can friend your Lizard (let's call it Gecko) but are not sure how to friend your partner's Gecko. You see your partner's Gecko as your adversary and need some Boundary Skills. I'm with you. Ok.

This is how I would see this.

First: My Gecko really wants me (my cortex) to learn really great Boundary Skills so that my partner's Gecko's panicky behaviors don't scare it. My Gecko wants protection from stuff out there, and it is my job to provide that. My Gecko is probably frightened of my cortex when I say, "I need some Boundary Skills," and at this age still haven't developed those skills enough. I am scarying my own Gecko. It will relax when my skills are good enough.

Second: My partner's behavior that looks like "adversarial" is probably just my partner's Gecko frantic protecting behavior. My partner, pretty obviously could use some boundary skills to protect my partner's Gecko.

Third: Probably if I try to change my partner or blame my partner for my distress, I am unintentionally sending threat messages to my partner's Gecko. No wonder it is active! (let alone its history before it met me)

Forth: Your partner's Gecko wants safety, too. It could use some help.

Fifth: Your Gecko cannot relax in the presence of your partner if the other Gecko isn't relaxed, too. To calm you Gecko you have to work to calm both at the same time.

A friend of mine grasped the idea of the Lizard when he said, "Frequently I don't talk to my partner. I just talk to her Lizard directly."


Principles are simple. Applying them is a tough U-Do-It project. Go 4 it!
Al Turtle
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: ForeverHers] #36117
12/15/10 05:21 PM
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As I understand the lizard concept it is part of our limbic system bestowed by God or nature - take your pick- as a survival mechanism.

As such, the signals it sends - fight or flight- are not volitional and therefore not subject to self will.

What we do with those signals is of course volitional.

Perhaps I'm not understanding the concept correctly but as I understand it religion can logically have no application. I can subscribe with faith and fervor to all tenets of Christianity or any other faith tradition, but my lizard will nonetheless be unwavering in its devotion to my survival.

When I take an action that I know is the right thing to do, like calling my mother, my lizard remains unimpressed by the rightness of the action and would prefer I not.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: LadyGrey] #36140
12/15/10 06:15 PM
12/15/10 06:15 PM
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Quote:
First: My Gecko really wants me (my cortex) to learn really great Boundary Skills so that my partner's Gecko's panicky behaviors don't scare it. My Gecko wants protection from stuff out there, and it is my job to provide that. My Gecko is probably frightened of my cortex when I say, "I need some Boundary Skills," and at this age still haven't developed those skills enough. I am scarying my own Gecko. It will relax when my skills are good enough.


This creates the first paradox. When I begin to apply boundaries, around myself, my partner's lizard/gecko, which is soothed by being joined at the hip to my gecko, gets upset.

So doing the one thing to soothe my gecko, upsets his.

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: ForeverHers] #36170
12/15/10 06:48 PM
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AlTurtle Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: ForeverHers
Al, this being your whiteboard thread I am going to decline to "join in" because it would be potentially "thread-jacking" to your topic and potential goal. So, I'll simply toss out a couple of things to not leave you hanging as to some of my thoughts on what you've presented so far.


Thanks so much for joining in and sharing your thoughts and beliefs. I think you bring to the table, at least of this Forum, some wonderful material that perhaps will be best to take a look at later. I embrace my sisters and brothers who variously use interpretations of scripture (Biblical, Qur'an, etc) to help guide them. As a Christian, I was introduced at an early age to the wonders in my faith (here we are at Christmas, for my Lizard a wonderful season and memory, mostly).

As a kid I was introduced to scripture, the confusion of different translations and versions and the wildness of the many interpretations of it.

I was also introduced to scriptural bullying, the use of words of scripture to threaten people into conformity or obedience to one human's beliefs. Pretty common stuff. I think bullying often seems a norm in our culture which couples eventually resist. As I've worked with couples-of-faith, this has often proved to be an initial (until solved) or eventually insuperable, barrier to achieving a wonderful relationship. I will be happy to share about this later, but for now let me just reiterate what is in my paper on the Lizard.

I believe the Lizard is a brilliant development by God (or evolution). I admire God's handy work. I think it probably the most eloquently perfect part of our bodies. It represents our first and deepest experience of trust. (Who takes care of us when we sleep?)

If your Lizard speaks, I suggest you listen. Looking back I see it as folly (my folly) to ignore it or not take it into account - either my Lizard or my partner's or my friends - or even my "enemy's".

I started to read through your sharing, Foreverhers. At first I wondered if you had read my paper at all or were just sharing your thoughts in general. I watched my Lizard as I was reading. I was aware how often I felt invited to use Boundary Skills to keep my Lizard calm and out of the way. Which meant that reading your thoughts was not fun.

The core for me is the issue of MasterTalk , which belongs in another topic on this forum. But I will share my observation of humans, that MasterTalk, by itself, is a threat to any listener. From this awareness comes all my writings about Autonomy Diversity and especially Master/Slave. The question is how does a person share their wisdom without MasterTalk - without threatening people in the process? I think this question becomes more important with people who have strong opinions. How do I share my firm belief without sending threat to the Lizards of my listeners.

I have no problem with you or anyone disagreeing with what I say. I haven't agreed with anyone in years and years. I find having good boundary skills means I very much enjoy hearing from people who are different.

I do have a rule that might be useful. You can either be Right or in Relationship. Take your pick.

Again, thanks for sharing yourself.


Principles are simple. Applying them is a tough U-Do-It project. Go 4 it!
Al Turtle
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: OurHouse] #36185
12/15/10 07:04 PM
12/15/10 07:04 PM
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AlTurtle Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
This creates the first paradox. When I begin to apply boundaries, around myself, my partner's lizard/gecko, which is soothed by being joined at the hip to my gecko, gets upset.

So doing the one thing to soothe my gecko, upsets his.


Love that paradox! I learn from them all the time. My suggestion is that you may want to examine your Boundary Skills . My belief is that a good boundary skill protects you and threatens no one. (At worst, your boundary skill, that is perhaps clumsy, will give your partner a chance to practice his Boundary Skills OR if he gets upset, it gives you a chance to practice some more of your Boundary Skills.)

Friending his Lizard would lead you to wonder, or even ask, "What's so scary or uncomfortable for you when I try to protect my Lizard?" I could make a lot of guesses, but that would be about me and my partner.

OH, and let me reiterate, Lizards don't seem to need relationships. They seem to love food, sleep and heat. If we only focus on Lizards we may miss another part of our brain which is determined to have relationships.


Principles are simple. Applying them is a tough U-Do-It project. Go 4 it!
Al Turtle
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: AlTurtle] #36195
12/15/10 07:13 PM
12/15/10 07:13 PM
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
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For me, I have found that when I remember and rely on the reassurance of my faith, it helps soothe my lizard and redirect my thoughts. Conversely, when I feel as if my faith is a giant rebuke for having a lizard to begin with....it just amplifies that unsafe feeling. I spoke about being bipolar before. It is interesting. I will have one person who is a Christian and believes the Bible tell me that God loves me and is touched with the feelings of my infirmities and will never leave me nor forsake me, thereby comforting me. Then someone else who is a Christian and believes the same Bible will tell me that my illness is not an illness but a sign of weakness, sin, or even demonic oppression. Needless to say, my lizard does NOT feel safe with that person.

I don't see a conflict between the idea of this basic self/lizard and the truth of faith. But I do think that if I am to use or share my faith in an attempt to help someone....I should remember that if they do not feel safe, they will not listen.

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: OurHouse] #36196
12/15/10 07:13 PM
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sometimes the Spouses lizard has way to much PTSD going on and i cant sooth it. Reminds me of my cats. Got them from the shelter. They had a rough life before coming to my house. We have had them for years and yet...any sudden mvement or loud sound results in a skitsh crazy leap to escape. Way way way over reacts. Their is no danger...i have never abused them but they probably will never get over the past.

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: Amadahy] #36211
12/15/10 07:24 PM
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I think I'm off to read Lesson #2: Boundaries. (Might not be Al's plan for Lesson #2, but it probably applies in my household of warring lizards).

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: Amadahy] #36261
12/15/10 08:22 PM
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AlTurtle Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: SisteReed
sometimes the Spouses lizard has way to much PTSD going on and i cant sooth it. Reminds me of my cats. Got them from the shelter. They had a rough life before coming to my house. We have had them for years and yet...any sudden mvement or loud sound results in a skitsh crazy leap to escape. Way way way over reacts. Their is no danger...i have never abused them but they probably will never get over the past.


I'm with you. The problem is really tricky, not impossible, just very tricky. I think there are two examples of the "Lizard system" going out of whack: Panic Attacks and PTSD. A person with either needs a whole pile of help. Remember it is their Lizard going a bit whacky, not ours.

I have had both Panic Attacks and symptoms of PTSD (was on a ship in the Tonkin Gulf Incident way back when). I've worked with "victims" of both often. (See my example of the gal in the laundromat. You think her issue with Clorox wasn't a PDST issue?!)

An appreciation of the structure of Lizards vs Cortex and your responsibility vs mine has been crucial to approaching and solving these troubles.

I think you didn't pick up part of my article that shows in your comment. You cannot see what your partner's Lizard is seeing. You have no basis for the statement, "There is no danger." More accurately you have the clear evidence that there is danger that their Lizard sees and you don't see. Trying to tell them that there is nothing to be scared of will scare them even more. (By the way, this is a very simple example of a situation where Empathy skills, or lack thereof, is a concrete solution/problem.)

And for the fun of it, I remind you all again, it's not your job to soothe your partner's Lizard. You can't get at that part of their brain. Tis their job. But you can help or make it more difficult. That's your choice.

Tis the way I see it. Your issues are so real. And I hope these specific applications are helpful and get you to think. Am I responding too often? I wonder.


Principles are simple. Applying them is a tough U-Do-It project. Go 4 it!
Al Turtle
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: AlTurtle] #36275
12/15/10 08:32 PM
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Your comment about there being nothing to be scared of brought to mind my childhood. I would have very bad nightmares. My mom's response was to try to logically take me through the reasons it was just a dream. My father's response (when I was very young) was to climb into bed with me until I fell back asleep. His method was much more comforting. I never understood why Mom wouldn't do the same thing.

Until I had kids. My DD went through a nightmare phase....and I have to say, I was VERY tired some mornings after being in bed with her the night before. It cost more, in a sense, for me to comfort her in that way. And some nights I would just pat her, tell her it was just a dream, and tell her to go back to sleep. And I would end up getting up repeatedly because it never worked.

The funny thing is, I never outgrew my tendency to have nightmares. And one of the things I looked forward to about being married is that when I had one someone else would always be with me.

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: herfuturesbright] #36279
12/15/10 08:36 PM
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One of my biggest complaints in my marriage is when my husband minimizes or dismisses my issues. I couldn't understand why I started seething from way deep down inside me...my core being. But now, re-reading Al's posts and his article about the lizard...I get it. My lizard feels unsafe and his dismissal of my fears only compounds the issue.

But again, we have warring lizards. Lashing back out against him is wrong, obviously. I think it calls for boundary enforcement and some honest communication.

Both of which appear to threaten his lizard.

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: OurHouse] #36356
12/15/10 10:56 PM
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i think you should respond as often as you feel compelled.

I am not sure I understand all of this
just be cause a person feels something does not make it a valid or appropriate feeling. I often over react to things. Often their is danger or stressers in my life but just as often I am over reacting, Don Quixota tilting at windmills, it seems what you are saying was that the windmill was in fact a giant with four arms. Just because one person lizzard see's a giant, does not make it so. My husbands lizzard perceives enemies in everyone...he has siad this...i am merely quoting him. So if he sees enemies everywhere...his lizzard is wrong. right?

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: Amadahy] #36368
12/15/10 11:13 PM
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Originally Posted By: sr
Just because one person lizzard see's a giant, does not make it so.


Your lizard is concerned with perception. And I have to say, Lizzy KNOWS stuff.

Growing up with my mother was so confusing because there was such a disconnect between the words I was hearing and what was actually being said.

You might say my mom is a windmill. The fact is Lizzy knows she is a giant with four arms.

I never learned trust myself or my instincts and forget boundaries.

Question for Al: Do our lizards project?


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: LadyGrey] #36385
12/15/10 11:41 PM
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but sometimes it really is a wind mill and lizzie needs a chill pill - or a vodac tonic...

Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: Amadahy] #36389
12/15/10 11:46 PM
12/15/10 11:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,931
Tennessee
TimeHeals Offline
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TimeHeals  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,931
Tennessee
Quote:
lizzie needs a chill pill - or a vodac tonic...


Wow. Alcohol must have a completely different effect on your lizzard than it does on my reptilian brain grin wink


Your Time Perspective Can Heal
Mend the broken, make strong the weak and vanquish the evil.
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: TimeHeals] #36395
12/15/10 11:54 PM
12/15/10 11:54 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
L
LadyGrey Offline
Professional Attorney
LadyGrey  Offline
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L
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
Lizzy likes a dry chardonney.

You are right though- sometimes it feels like the hyper alertness feeds on itself in a continuous escalating loop.

I think figuring out how to make her purr to break that cycle is key. Still cogitating on that one....


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: LadyGrey] #36400
12/16/10 12:09 AM
12/16/10 12:09 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
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believer Offline
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believer  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
Wow, this is very interesting, and I'm appreciating everyone's point of view. Still not understanding it perfectly, but that will probably come.

I have done extensive work on boundaries - workshops with Cloud and Townsend and 2 years of boundary studies through my church. Thought I had them down fairly well.

But since I had my "out of the blue" panic attack it has been very hard. Like Al says, you tend to avoid having another one. So since it happened it has been challenging.

I can't seem to pinpoint the problem. But I have been trying to nurture my lizard as that seems to be the first step.

It feels kind of silly, and if my friends knew, they'd probably have me committed to the loony bin.

Basically I've tried to do some things I enjoy, some playing, relaxing, nurturing myself. Been "talking" to the lizard and letting it know that I'm glad it is doing its job and that I'm taking note. LOL.........

Now its only been 2 days of this, but both yesterday and today, I was able to go to the store, out to eat, took a walk on the beach and have had no problems at all.

Hoping that my lizard is settling down and this will continue.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: LadyGrey] #36401
12/16/10 12:10 AM
12/16/10 12:10 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 908
Northwest Washington State, US...
AlTurtle Offline OP
Retired Therapist
AlTurtle  Offline OP
Retired Therapist
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 908
Northwest Washington State, US...
Originally Posted By: seekingbalance

Your lizard is concerned with perception. Question for Al: Do our lizards project?


I think this is a topic that couples face intimately and solve or not. What is reality? Tis relatively easy to see the solution if we start with the Lizard. And the Lizard, which is a solitary crittur, has not problem. Neither would you if you were to live alone on a desert island. (The challenge comes when someone swims ashore and joins you on your island.)

The way I see it, the Lizard reacts wisely and accurately to what it sees, every time.

Quote:
From the paper this topic is based upon. . The Lizard is Kind of Blind. Located in the brain where it is, apparently it cannot see the outside world very clearly. It seems to get glimpses only. That's enough. Basically it looks up at the mid-brain, which looks at the cortex, which is processing the images of the outside world.
Rule 3: The Lizard cannot tell the difference
between reality and a vivid imagination.
Our cortex is often called an associational cortex. It looks at the outside world and then associates what it sees with vast memory resources in order to make "sense" of what it sees. The lizard looks in on this associational activity. I often think that 5 percent of experience is outside our bodies and 95% is found in the activity of our brains trying to make sense out of those experiences. Anyway, the lizard reacts to the associations, the activities of the Cortex, and not to the "reality" of the world outside the brain. What do you think a nightmare is? It is full of associational activity, of imagination. During dreaming your brain has no "reality" to go by. Yet our lizards believe all those imaginings are real and react. When you wake up from a nightmare, you look around and see no danger. But it takes twenty minutes minimum to calm your lizard down. It takes very little for our lizards to imagine that everyone is looking at you when you walk into a room and to react to that imagination -


that Projection??

I think it a better question, "When people call it projection, what is going on?" Notice the quote that star*fish uses in her signature. (If a person arrives "bleeding"...) Just translate it a bit.

"When a kid comes to you terrified, lizard in panic, don't enter into a discussion about reality or about projection. Take the kid in your arms and soothe it."

Or "When a partner comes to you in panic or anger, don't enter into a discussion about who is right or wrong. Take the partner into your safe presence and soothe it."

I am sure we will talk more of this, seekingbalance, particularly when we get to the higher functions of our brains. But from the Lizard's point of view whatever it thinks is real - four armed giants and all.

Tis fascinating to have such a magnificent and at the same time odd feature within ourselves. And for the fun of it, all animals reptiles, mammals and primates are the same in these kind of reactions. I've learned a great deal watching the Lizards in my cats, dogs and horses. My favorite horse was absolutely terrified of white rocks. Projection, PTSD, or whatever, who cares. I learned to sit her tightly. nod


Principles are simple. Applying them is a tough U-Do-It project. Go 4 it!
Al Turtle
Re: Topic 1: "Friend your Lizard(s)" - Building Trust [Re: AlTurtle] #36406
12/16/10 12:16 AM
12/16/10 12:16 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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herfuturesbright  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
Quote:
sometimes it feels like the hyper alertness feeds on itself in a continuous escalating loop.


That's it, SB. That is it! I have been trying to figure out forever what I mean. Since March of 2009 I have been hyper-alert, or hyper-aware. I need to stop, but I don't know how.

How do you help your lizard stop constantly thinking about what its thinking about? How do I stop.....that obsessive cycle? It's exhausting.

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