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BR: Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay - by Sarah M. Buel #362599
09/11/14 06:14 PM
09/11/14 06:14 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
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AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
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The Dark Side of the Moon
This really is a paper, rather than a book, but we don't have an abbreviation for "paper review."

The paper is written about the 50 reasons she's encountered in her 22 years as a professional working with Domestic Violence. It gives a clearer understanding of why domestic violence victims stay with their abusers.

1.) Victim lacks an advocate or has an advocate who engages in victim-blaming.
2.) The batterer's economic, political, and community standing - or even fame.
3.) The victim believes the threats batterer issues. (And well one should: a woman is 75% more likely to be murdered when she leaves her batterer for good.)
4.) The victim believes that staying with the batterer is in the children's best interest.
5.) The victim is pressured by the children (either independently or under the guidance of the batterer) to stay with the batterer.
6.) The victim and/or batterer use cultural and racial defenses are used to defend the abuse and the batterer.
7.) The victim is in denial about the extent of the danger and believes s/he should or could be a better person and avoid the abuse.
8.) The victims are disabled or physically challenged.
9.) The victims are elderly and either believe in traditional marriage norms or are dependent on the batterer for care.
10.) The victim believes the batterer's excuses for the abuse.
11.) The victim is subject to family pressure about not leaving a marriage or because they believe the batterer's gaslighting.
12.) The victim fears retaliation on her/himself or on the children.
13.) The victim fears losing custody of her/his children.

There are others. It is an enlightening read.

Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay

Last edited by AntigoneRisen; 09/11/14 07:37 PM. Reason: added link

Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: BR: Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay - by Sarah M. Buel [Re: AntigoneRisen] #362604
09/11/14 06:32 PM
09/11/14 06:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Posts: 13,424
midwest


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: BR: Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay - by Sarah M. Buel [Re: Miranda] #362605
09/11/14 06:51 PM
09/11/14 06:51 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
L
LivingWell Offline
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LivingWell  Offline
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L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
Thanks, Miranda smile

Re: BR: Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay - by Sarah M. Buel [Re: LivingWell] #362606
09/11/14 07:38 PM
09/11/14 07:38 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
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AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
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Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
Crapola, I can't believe I forgot the link. facepalm

I edited the post and added the link.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: BR: Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay - by Sarah M. Buel [Re: AntigoneRisen] #362608
09/11/14 08:02 PM
09/11/14 08:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Aw, I thought I was being all helpful and whatnot....


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: BR: Fifty Obstacles to Leaving,a.k.a., Why Abuse Victims Stay - by Sarah M. Buel [Re: Miranda] #362610
09/11/14 08:24 PM
09/11/14 08:24 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
Board of Directors
AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
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Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
You were very helpful! smile


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens

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