Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 3 guests, and 38 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.How to deconstruct a marriage.0
2.I am Sick, I am Sad, and I am needing some support.0
3.SIHW is back and Dealing with issues....0
4.looking for some support0
5.Social Networking Sites and Infidelity0
6.Signs of Infidelity0
7.The Difference Between Cheating and Infidelity?0
8.Not really sure how to survive0
9.The Five Big Lies That Keep You From Changing0
10.Pregnant and getting put out of the house by my husband0
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Does anyone remember this story?3
Validation to find-win-win slutions2
Things men want3
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation9
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
more >>
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
overmedicating depression and masking the true self #385709
06/09/15 03:17 PM
06/09/15 03:17 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline OP
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Interesting interview follows this with a woman who wrote a book about the idea that maybe we are overmedicating ourselves with antidepressants as an attempt to "get along" and mask our true selves, when what we really need to do is embrace our feelings, and learn to heed their messages, and deal with them in better more constructive ways in our lives. SO much in line with what I've been learning recently....

Quote:
At some point (OK, maybe at several points), you have probably unleashed your inner dragoness, the one who gets enraged, spits a little fire and -- goddess forbid! -- isn't a ray of sunshine. Traditionally, we've been taught that this side of ourselves is bad, bad, bad. And increasingly, we're being prescribed antidepressants and antianxiety meds to proceed on a more even, less emotional keel. But Julie Holland, MD, a psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology and is the author of the cheekily titled new book Moody [Bleep!]: The Truth About the Drugs You're Taking, the Sleep You're Missing, the Sex You're Not Having, and What's Really Making You Crazy, says that the more we medicate, the more we cheat ourselves out of rich, full lives. "I'm not saying women with clear psychiatric disorders, such as major chronic depression and bipolar disorder, should stop taking their meds," says Holland. "But I do believe that too many women are being told to medicate away their essential, authentic selves."

Research does show that mood disorders may be overdiagnosed: A 2013 study of more than 5,000 people found that nearly 62 percent had been told by a medical professional that they had depression even though they did not meet the clinical criteria. Holland's advice: Embrace your moods. All of them. "One of the gifts women have is the ability to be sensitive to their environment and empathic to people around them," she says. "We can intuit what's going on and who needs what -- and we shouldn't tamp down our natural emotionality." Yet while advocating against overmedication seems sensible enough, are things really that simple? We asked Holland, who has treated patients for nearly 20 years, to convince us that there's a pill-free way to develop a healthy balance.



see the rest here


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Miranda] #385713
06/09/15 03:32 PM
06/09/15 03:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
As long as I was taking an antidepressant I was absolutely stuck. I didn't get worse, but I didn't get better. I just existed, like on life support. A good therapist did more for me in two weeks than six months of Celexa did.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385716
06/09/15 03:44 PM
06/09/15 03:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline OP
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Pep,

I HAD to get on the meds I did when I was on them. There's no way around it, I was in a very bad place. But they messed me up something fierce. This go round in therapy has done WONDERS for me, more than any pill EVER could.

The next time I have money to spend on books, I think I will be buying this one, it sounds very informative and well done. I just read the write up on it on Barnes & Noble and was very impressed. The author sounds like she knows her stuff, and I would be very interested to read her suggestions.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Miranda] #385717
06/09/15 03:53 PM
06/09/15 03:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
Oh I understand that antidepressants can be absolutely necessary in the short term, but were they ever intended to be used for years on end?

I know that after I finally got the drugs cleared out of my system and could think and feel again, the pain was just as intense as when the drugs deadened it. I still had to face it and deal with it. When I did I finally began to live again.

I believe they (like most other pharmaceuticals) are prescribed too easily and too often, and too many people become physically and emotionally dependent on them.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385740
06/09/15 06:17 PM
06/09/15 06:17 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Marta Offline
Member
Marta  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
I'm curious as to what your therapist actually did... I thought this one was better, but I didn't find her advice very helpful: Pray...... Sigh, I'm doing that.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Marta] #385777
06/10/15 01:20 AM
06/10/15 01:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
Marta,

To be fair, my issues were more straight forward than what you are dealing with. I was overwhelmed with emotions generated by my husband having an affair, so I was battling my own anger, hurt, and fear. Plus trying to help my children through if all.

I don't remember my therapist giving me specific advice per se. She encouraged me to identify my emotions, listened to my feelings, assured me that what I was going through was survivable and that my emotions were normal under the circumstances. She asked a lot of questions and really listened to my answers. She encouraged me to figure out what I wanted to do to move forward, and to find healthy ways to vent my negative emotions. After having everything bottled up and medicated numbness for two years, it was like releasing a genie from a bottle. Things improved really quickly for me with therapy.

My husband's therapy experience, while very positive, has been much different. His issues were much more intimate and complicated, just as yours seem to be. I have had many friends who have tried Christian based counseling, none with very good results overall. Prayer is a powerful thing, but it often requires much more than that to get better.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385786
06/10/15 01:52 AM
06/10/15 01:52 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Marta Offline
Member
Marta  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
But see I went to a Christian one first. This one isn't advertized as Christian and my psych recommended her.... Sigh... She has been helpful with some things, but the sex problem was too complicated for her..

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Marta] #385812
06/10/15 01:02 PM
06/10/15 01:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline OP
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Marta, I would encourage you to seek out this woman's book! It really looks like you would benefit from a lot of what she has to say. She talks about the cyclical nature of women's moods and feelings, and the stages of a woman's life, and a woman's sex life.

I think you might really get a lot out of her research and ideas.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Marta] #385818
06/10/15 01:49 PM
06/10/15 01:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
Originally Posted By: Marta
But see I went to a Christian one first. This one isn't advertized as Christian and my psych recommended her.... Sigh... She has been helpful with some things, but the sex problem was too complicated for her..



It might require couple's counseling to deal with that eventually. Have you considered that if you deal with your other issues first it might resolve that problem as well?

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385825
06/10/15 03:15 PM
06/10/15 03:15 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
Member
wiser_now  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
I read this article online and was shocked at all the comments... from the angry, the beeseeching and the heartbroken. Nobody *wants* to take meds, it seems, but so many of us must. I am included in this. And to be clear, it pisses me off royally!

I believe that anxiety and depression is over-diagnosed and over-medicated, just like ADHD in the 1980-90's... and those who truly have chemical or neurological issues get lumped in, which serves nobody.

Originally Posted By: peppermint
Originally Posted By: Marta
But see I went to a Christian one first. This one isn't advertized as Christian and my psych recommended her.... Sigh... She has been helpful with some things, but the sex problem was too complicated for her..



It might require couple's counseling to deal with that eventually. Have you considered that if you deal with your other issues first it might resolve that problem as well?


In my years of trying to find the best fit for a therapist, I only met one Christian who was *actually* a real therapist... and she was also a priest in an Episcopal church. She was amazing! To be honest, most others were very, very poorly equipped to handle actual mental illnesses. They all said to pray. None gave me actual tools to get better.

If there is truly an illness, there has to be a balance between meds and therapy. I'm told I will be taking a low dose or SSRI for the rest of my life. I don't want to... so I'm in therapy... again... trying to get to the blasted ROOT of the issues. I believe that it's the only way to HEAL... and that's what I want... desperately.


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: wiser_now] #385831
06/10/15 03:52 PM
06/10/15 03:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
"I'm in therapy... again... trying to get to the blasted ROOT of the issues. I believe that it's the only way to HEAL... and that's what I want... desperately."

Yes! That is exactly what I was trying to say in my earlier posts. My depression was caused by the overwhelming emotions and distress of my situation. Antidepressants treated the symptoms by numbing my emotions, which only delayed the inevitable- I had to find a way to deal with the affair AND the emotional overload.

Not to minimize the pain of betrayal, but it is far easier to identify and treat than long term, deeply held psychological damage like the neglect and abuse my husband suffered. Hence six months of therapy for me and over thirteen years so far for him. Our therapists were partners in the same practice and I found that to be a great advantage.

What I have learned is that many, if not all, of the issues that plagued our relationship (poor communication, anger issues, sexual imbalance, dishonesty) can be traced back to that early mistreatment and how my husband learned to cope with it as a child.

I also know that he began therapy solely because I insisted on it as part of our attempts to recover our marriage. But once he realized that healing was possible for us he really wanted to find out "what caused me to be the way I am" and he fully committed to it. It was hard for him, and he suffered quite a bit through some of it, but he never quit. He is a much more content and happy person than he used to be. He has finally learned to relax instead of always chasing something to make him happy.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385832
06/10/15 03:58 PM
06/10/15 03:58 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline OP
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Originally Posted By: peppermint


I also know that he began therapy solely because I insisted on it as part of our attempts to recover our marriage. But once he realized that healing was possible for us he really wanted to find out "what caused me to be the way I am" and he fully committed to it. It was hard for him, and he suffered quite a bit through some of it, but he never quit. He is a much more content and happy person than he used to be. He has finally learned to relax instead of always chasing something to make him happy.


I know for me, once I pried that door open and saw that a better future was attainable for myself, (and by extension my relationship) I sort of felt compelled to keep at it!


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Miranda] #385838
06/10/15 04:55 PM
06/10/15 04:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
I think my husband felt that way too. Apparently he told his therapist that he wanted to do something to "make it up" to me (the affair). She told him that the best way to atone for any mistake was to accept your responsibility for it, apologize sincerely, figure out why you made it, and fix the problem that caused it to happen. I think it sounded enough simple to him, but he had no idea where that journey would really lead.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385856
06/10/15 08:31 PM
06/10/15 08:31 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
Member
Squeaky Tree  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Well, I still love my ADs - they have changed my life!

But they don't get dished out like sweets here. I spent years and years teaching myself different techniques and looking at forms of therapy - I was certain I understood myself.

But I am convinced that years of stress and high circulation of cortisol lead to my depression - which manifested itself at the final hour as a total inability to get out of the chair. I didn't cook a meal for 3 weeks, dog walks became 10mins, rather than an hour, I wanted to talk but I felt too exhausted - it was too much effort.

I can't say that I felt sad, I didn't cry.

I am so much less uptight and stressed and irritable (than I was before my crash). I was always optimistic but fought with so many things. I think it's been 18months now.

I am much easier to live with, but they certainly don't stop me expressing myself.

It still worries me that they might take me off them - but no sign of that happenning yet smile


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Squeaky Tree] #385867
06/11/15 07:55 AM
06/11/15 07:55 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,285
PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
Advocate
Rich57  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,285
PEEKSKILL NY
I think there is no point in just taking pills and continuing to escape and avoid fixing ourselves.

Whether you can do that if your head is hurting is really the question.

So the pills in theory should be short term fix to find the underlying sources of our pain,
some diseases are not able to be fixed by talk therapy alone.
Bipolar is a chemical imbalance and can only be controlled by both meds and talk therapy IMHO.

So I guess the nature of the problem has some bearing on the solution.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Rich57] #385872
06/11/15 12:57 PM
06/11/15 12:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Marta Offline
Member
Marta  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Yeah, but it is interesting... when I kept postng on various boards about knowing the right answers, yet it didn't change how I felt... The pills have made me feel like the right answers are right...

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Rich57] #385875
06/11/15 01:04 PM
06/11/15 01:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline OP
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
this article is really trying to drive home the idea that "making yourself easy to live with" might not be in your best interests.

What the take home message is here, is that blunting your feelings and shoving them down just to get by and get along isn't a "best practice" for living a full and healthy life. It's not what we're designed for and it's not authentic. Prescribing these medications has become just another dysfunctional coping strategy right up there with hitting the bottle and kicking the dog.

Unfortunately the other path requires so much self control, wisdom, guidance and self reflection that most folks never get there, and most doctors aren't equipped to help them.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Miranda] #385880
06/11/15 02:43 PM
06/11/15 02:43 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Marta Offline
Member
Marta  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
So unless your life is filled with angst and big highs and lows, you are not really living?

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Marta] #385882
06/11/15 03:02 PM
06/11/15 03:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline OP
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Nope, unless you are DEALING with your feelings, you aren't being authentic.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Marta] #385883
06/11/15 03:02 PM
06/11/15 03:02 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
P
peppermint Offline
Member
peppermint  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
Not "filled" hopefully, but highs and lows are part of a normal life and to be an emotionally healthy, whole person you have to be able to cope with the highs and the lows. That includes being able to deal with stress, anger, disappointment, etc.

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: peppermint] #385887
06/11/15 04:23 PM
06/11/15 04:23 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
Member
wiser_now  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
A few thoughts:

1. Absence of lows is not normal life. We lose marriages, jobs, pets, people we love... it is a part of life.

2. One day many years ago, an acquaintance who went to the same therapist as me announced she was "cured" from her depression and anxiety and no longer needed therapy. She said the therapist agreed. I knew my therapist could never discuss specifics with me but I asked if she could say anything, as I was feeling defective, like there was something deeply wrong with me if I couldn't be "cured". Here's what she said:
Quote:
Sometimes, a person doesn't want to go where they need to go, so they go elsewhere. This doesn't mean they "got there"... just that they got "somewhere".


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: wiser_now] #385896
06/11/15 06:58 PM
06/11/15 06:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
Member
Squeaky Tree  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
I am quite content that I am dealing with highs and lows - I'm not glossing over anything. The medication is replacing something that my body is deficient in - just as my thyroid meds do.


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Squeaky Tree] #385905
06/11/15 08:04 PM
06/11/15 08:04 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
Member
wiser_now  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
Squeaky... my comments were not personal or about anyone but myself. hug


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: wiser_now] #385916
06/11/15 09:42 PM
06/11/15 09:42 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
Member
Squeaky Tree  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
oh wiser_now and I wasn't responding directly to you,my post just followed on hug


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: overmedicating depression and masking the true self [Re: Marta] #385937
06/12/15 04:58 AM
06/12/15 04:58 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,285
PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
Advocate
Rich57  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,285
PEEKSKILL NY
Originally Posted By: Marta
Yeah, but it is interesting... when I kept postng on various boards about knowing the right answers, yet it didn't change how I felt... The pills have made me feel like the right answers are right...

If they are YOUR answers then they are RIGHT for YOU! smile

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Miranda 

Newest Members
Love_Smacked, starfire, JoyfulMimi, bruers, shattered72
2048 Registered Users
Latest Topics(Posts)
Hearts Blessing4
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
63 Marriage Facts1
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Updates Divorce Stats4
no more rainbow members?9
BR - The Art of War - Sun Tzu5
Questions & Answers About Marriage---responses from 7-10 year old kids4
seeing new members on mobile version5
Return of the Goddess31
Community Information
2048Members
1Penalty Box
6Suspended

42

Forums
8500Topics
463376Posts
 
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1
(Release build 20180111)
Page Time: 0.026s Queries: 15 (0.005s) Memory: 3.3666 MB (Peak: 3.7205 MB) Zlib enabled in php.ini Server Time: 2021-10-18 17:44:53 UTC