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loving yourself.... #381071
04/13/15 02:57 PM
04/13/15 02:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
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Miranda  Offline OP
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This article was really on point for me. Anyone else?

Quote:
I was brought up in a home with a mother and a father, two sisters, four brothers and two cats. We lived in a white house in the suburbs of a big-growing, way-south town in the United States of the 1950s and 60s. My early years were molded by the tenets of Catholicism, Mid-western ethics and the post-WWII, Baby-Boom ideals of personal industry, bright hope and tomorrow-will-always-be-better surety. Things were orderly, black-and-white and very clear. Respect, hard work and minding my manners were the core values that were taught and held dear. I was also taught to love my parents, my siblings, my neighbors, my God and my country. This was all wonderful and clear. But it's taken me almost 60 years to realize there was one thing I was never taught.

I was never taught to love myself. In fact, I was taught the opposite. I was taught that loving myself was selfish and "wrong." I was taught that others always came first and that self-sacrifice -- being loving and kind to everyone else -- was the way to happiness, wholeness and the way to the very salvation of my soul. This proviso of my youth, these "marching orders" of my spirit, have been the most damning, hurting and lost-soul-producing design for living I could ever have been handed. Because there is one huge hole in this doing-life-well model: How can I love others, how can I sacrifice myself to others, if I have no clue who this self is? How can I love and cherish, honor and care for others if there is no central "me" from which to do all these acts of love and kindness?


see the rest at:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robin-kort...kusaolp00000592

Last edited by Miranda; 04/13/15 02:58 PM.

When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #381080
04/13/15 04:35 PM
04/13/15 04:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline
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The Dark Side of the Moon
I was brought up with those teachings, too. Thankfully, they weren't very successful, and I was able to shed them fairly early.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: AntigoneRisen] #381089
04/13/15 05:26 PM
04/13/15 05:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
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Miranda  Offline OP
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You are very fortunate, AR. For some of us, those messages get VERY deeply entrenched.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #381094
04/13/15 06:03 PM
04/13/15 06:03 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,344
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ohmy_marie Offline
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lol ... I thought this topic was "LOSING yourself," and got all excited.

(still as lost as ever)


may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone. -- e. e. cummings
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: ohmy_marie] #381096
04/13/15 06:05 PM
04/13/15 06:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
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peppermint Offline
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I was raised by two people who SAID those things, but didn't live them. I learned far more from their actions than their words.......

Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #381104
04/13/15 06:19 PM
04/13/15 06:19 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline
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Originally Posted By: Miranda
You are very fortunate, AR. For some of us, those messages get VERY deeply entrenched.


I think partly it was that the message was so over-the-top and delivered by people who were simultaneously teaching me that I was the only person I could trust to look out for my self-interest.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: AntigoneRisen] #381144
04/13/15 09:36 PM
04/13/15 09:36 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,879
Marta Offline
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I guess I don't see the problem with what they taught.. Loving yourself if just selfish if taken to the extreme. We should look out for other people. It is what I am teaching my own children: loving unconditionally

Last edited by Marta; 04/13/15 09:37 PM.
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Marta] #381147
04/13/15 10:04 PM
04/13/15 10:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
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Miranda  Offline OP
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It's NOT Marta! Not all all. It's like putting on your oxygen mask before helping the person next to you when the cabin of a plane loses pressure. You can't be of use to anyone else if you're unconscious!!

If you aren't looking after yourself you can't help others. If you don't have a deep well of love for yourself to draw from then giving to others will quickly deplete you.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #381170
04/14/15 05:52 AM
04/14/15 05:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 37
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jane2503 Offline
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I was raised the same way, in a Hindu family. It took almost a decade for me to realize when to love yourself and when to give in to others.
Loving unconditionally is the purest thing to do, but only after you love yourself. I learnt this the painful-hard way.

I was taught that supporting or defending yourself is a sign of arrogance. That led me to the extent that even suppressing me beyond my rights is acceptable.

Life teaches us more than what our home does. I decided not to preach to my son, rather to show him by example and his own experiences.


The truth about a beautiful marriage is that even if a terrible mistake happens, we don't imagine our life with someone else.
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: jane2503] #381181
04/14/15 01:33 PM
04/14/15 01:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
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NewEveryDay Offline
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Miranda, I liked the article. For me it just underscored the need for community, both in person and in this online place, where we can "sit around the campfire" and share our insights, joys, and losses.

Marta, I agree, she could have made her point without devaluing the work she did before that. It's all meaningful and purposeful. But for the author, it helps her to look at it like this.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: NewEveryDay] #381185
04/14/15 02:07 PM
04/14/15 02:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
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Miranda  Offline OP
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I liked what she wrote in this article SO much. It sounded SO much like what is inside my own head and heart, and where I need to go, that I went to her website and downloaded her app.

Hey, it was free! Worth a try, right?


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #381311
04/15/15 02:36 PM
04/15/15 02:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 4,128
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EarningIt Offline
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OK, I struggle with this. In the context of my post "I Love you but I don't Love you."

If I'm going to love myself fully, then I wouldn't I drop everything in the search for Love?


Remember to hope.

Re: loving yourself.... [Re: EarningIt] #381317
04/15/15 02:57 PM
04/15/15 02:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
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peppermint Offline
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Carolina Blue Heaven
That depends. Are you the kind of person who could really love yourself if you abandoned your wife and children for that chase?

Re: loving yourself.... [Re: peppermint] #398430
11/11/15 07:19 PM
11/11/15 07:19 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,505
Amadahy Offline
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Amadahy  Offline
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i loved myself this morning....

Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Amadahy] #398431
11/11/15 07:26 PM
11/11/15 07:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
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Miranda  Offline OP
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For you Ama!



When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #398433
11/11/15 07:28 PM
11/11/15 07:28 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,505
Amadahy Offline
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Amadahy  Offline
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What...i did yoga and had a healthy b-fast....thats all I was saying

Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Amadahy] #398435
11/11/15 07:30 PM
11/11/15 07:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline OP
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Miranda  Offline OP
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okay, that's good too...


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: loving yourself.... [Re: Miranda] #398448
11/11/15 08:23 PM
11/11/15 08:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
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peppermint Offline
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Carolina Blue Heaven
LOL

Re: loving yourself.... [Re: peppermint] #398454
11/11/15 09:22 PM
11/11/15 09:22 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,505
Amadahy Offline
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Amadahy  Offline
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Im really good at taking care of myself grin


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