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It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage #403158
01/09/16 04:25 PM
01/09/16 04:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,404
Utah
Kayla Offline OP
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Kayla  Offline OP
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Utah


Consider that we don't have to live with the consequences of our advice in your life. Act according to what you can live with!
Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: Kayla] #403171
01/09/16 07:41 PM
01/09/16 07:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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This is out-freakin-standing!! Epic.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: Miranda] #403188
01/10/16 03:22 AM
01/10/16 03:22 AM
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Posts: 7,467
right here waiting Offline
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right here waiting  Offline
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thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup

Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: right here waiting] #403193
01/10/16 04:26 AM
01/10/16 04:26 AM
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S
SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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I like it

Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: SmilingWife] #403268
01/11/16 02:43 PM
01/11/16 02:43 PM
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South
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Oblivious2678 Offline
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This is great.

Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: Oblivious2678] #403288
01/11/16 08:48 PM
01/11/16 08:48 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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Funny, I don't like that at all. I read her argument to be "I won't cheat because my relationship with my husband is so much better than any relationship I could have with anyone else - if not in the moment than over the long run." She keeps saying she won't cheat because her husband is her best friend. But what if your spouse is not your best friend? What if they are selfish and treat you poorly? Does that mean you should cheat? Where is the part of her explanation that insists you should divorce rather than cheat if your spouse is behaving poorly?

For me, the reasons not to cheat are (1) because my personal sense of morality requires that I not cheat and (2) because cheating carries the risk of some incredibly poor outcomes. Those reasons do not depend on how my spouse treats me or whether I intend to remain married to them. Those reasons are about ME. In my view if you make the reason for not cheating depend on your spouse then you are opening the door to justify cheating.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: holdingontoit] #403325
01/12/16 12:33 PM
01/12/16 12:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,285
PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
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Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
if you make the reason for not cheating depend on your spouse then you are opening the door to justify cheating.

AGREE!

I think to add in why does someone cheat?
They are trying to fill some unfulfilled need.
At some point in time these will occur in the natural
ebbs and flows of life.
Does that then justify cheating - I think not!

Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: Rich57] #403330
01/12/16 01:42 PM
01/12/16 01:42 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Guys,

That's not what HER story was about. This was just a first person accounting of one woman's experience with HER forever marriage. NOT an exhaustive and comprehensive study of ALL the reasons why people stay faithful.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: It's all about perspective - good essay about a forever marriage [Re: Kayla] #403366
01/12/16 07:56 PM
01/12/16 07:56 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline
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The Dark Side of the Moon
I can see how this would be very convincing for a person who had that type of marriage - where your spouse is your best friend.

For those engaged in a power struggle that feels like a death match or are very neglected - living almost entirely separate lives - this would sound more like a Hollywood fairyland than anything relatable to their life.

I can think of times in my life where the idea of any of that in my marriage was nothing short of laughable.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens

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