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80/20 Rule #404028
01/25/16 08:51 PM
01/25/16 08:51 PM
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Oblivious2678 Offline OP
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Anyone heard of the 80-20 rule? Looked to see if it had been discussed on here, but could not find a thread. Any thoughts on its validity?

http://thingsyourealizeafteryougetmarried.com/2011/04/26/realization-10-the-8020-rule/

Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Oblivious2678] #404031
01/25/16 09:54 PM
01/25/16 09:54 PM
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Marta Offline
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I would agree with that article. I haven't heard that about marriage. I thought you were going to say that 20 percent of the people do the work in an organization. I've heard that before.

Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Marta] #404032
01/25/16 10:22 PM
01/25/16 10:22 PM
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Miranda Offline
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Aw, hell yes! I was just commenting on something like this yesterday. About how Daryl gets some things so terribly right in our relationship. About how he made it so incredibly easy for me to step parent the boys, because he got it so right from day one, he set me up for success from the start, and backed my play all the way. About how he is such a team mate in the financial things, we are just a "dump the money in a pot and work it out" kind of a couple. We never fight about that stuff. I always know what is going on with our money as much as I want to, and more, because he insists on it. If something were to happen to him, I could pick right up where he left off with it, because he set me up to do so and insisted on it. He gets it right!

I'm too fat to wear any of my nice clothes right now, so I have nothing to wear to his uncle's funeral. I found a dress online at a department store website. Showed him the picture. He said "it's great, let's go get it" I checked stock, the store near us doesn't carry it, only the store almost an hour away! He say's "let's go!" Then buys me TWO! And says "they are having a great sale, why don't you see if there's anything else you want..pants, or some blouses?" He doesn't make me feel bad that nothing fits. He doesn't blink an eye about the drive, or the money, he just says "let's go" and "they're great, get both the black and the plum"

Yeah, there's 20% wrong. And it sucks. But how can I be unhappy? Truly unhappy? I have this 80%... right here today, I have this. And it's pretty damn special.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Miranda] #404054
01/26/16 12:46 PM
01/26/16 12:46 PM
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Oblivious2678 Offline OP
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That is awesome Miranda! smile

Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Oblivious2678] #404055
01/26/16 01:08 PM
01/26/16 01:08 PM
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Oblivious2678 Offline OP
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Thinking a little more...what if that 20% contains things that are very important to you? Important needs?

Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Oblivious2678] #404056
01/26/16 01:19 PM
01/26/16 01:19 PM
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NewEveryDay Offline
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I think there's the rub. I was married for 15 years, some wonderful times, some sad times. The good years, the 20% missing was stuff I could replace in healthy ways, for example my Dad used to help me with the yard projects. But the bad years, the 20% missing, that I could not replace, was emotional safety in my home. I couldn't sustain that.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Oblivious2678] #404062
01/26/16 03:50 PM
01/26/16 03:50 PM
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SmilingWife Offline
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Originally Posted By: Oblivious2678
Thinking a little more...what if that 20% contains things that are very important to you? Important needs?


Like what?

i have a few important needs. Only a couple of them would cause me to divorce if not addressed. Usually that is trading one set of problems for another set.....then you realize how Important a need is that was previously being met that you didn't appreciate.

Contentment. As long as there is peace and kindness and food shelter and clothing being content will help a person honor their commitment and vows.

Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: Oblivious2678] #404733
02/09/16 12:48 AM
02/09/16 12:48 AM
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The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline
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Originally Posted By: Oblivious2678
Anyone heard of the 80-20 rule? Looked to see if it had been discussed on here, but could not find a thread. Any thoughts on its validity?

http://thingsyourealizeafteryougetmarried.com/2011/04/26/realization-10-the-8020-rule/


Sure. We use it all the time for Product and Project Management. You get 80% of the value of anything for 20% of the work. The rest - bells and whistles - require most of the work and give little of the value realization.

Works wonderfully for Product and Project Management.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: 80/20 Rule [Re: AntigoneRisen] #405275
02/17/16 06:23 PM
02/17/16 06:23 PM
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whatsupdoc? Offline
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That's about it. If you told me I could go to the blackjack table with a 80% win/draw rate, I'd quit my job tomorrow.

Then:
If you told me 80% of the time for the rest of my career, I'd be successful and happy until retirement, I change my mind and KEEP my job.

If my kids made the right choices 80% of the time = proud mom.

Why, oh why in our most precious relationships, do we doom ourselves into buying into the 20% is misery role?

Very interesting concept...


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!

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