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Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #419458
02/12/17 03:02 PM
02/12/17 03:02 PM
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NewEveryDay Offline
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I had to look up Standing Room Only. I'm happy you got to enjoy that.

How is your Dad?


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: NewEveryDay] #419565
02/16/17 03:22 AM
02/16/17 03:22 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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You are so kind.

My dad is 90 and had two optional heart procedures 6 days apart.

When he went into the hospital he was ambulatory and able to drive. I can't picture either of those things happening again.

I am struggling mightily with the fact that I cleaned up his crap, yet he couldn't be bothered to get out of the car when my mother did her drive by visit with the mastectomy.

Every day I say to myself "LadyGrey, do the next right thing" and I call my parents.

I decided yesterday that I would write them a letter every day and let myself up.

I'm grateful that I have the emotional energy to do that now.

Here's my day one letter:

Dear Mother and Daddy,

I have decided to try a different means of communicating with you all, one that doesnt require me to do something I hate (talking on the phone) and doesnt require you to go phone hunting at the whim of a ring.

Last night, I went to my first Womens March meeting in my county. More on that later.

Because of the way that the cars were aligned in the driveway, I couldnt get mine out of the garage so I was going to take Tommys.

People are understandably reluctant to lend their cars to me, so Tommy took me to my meeting.

On the way out of our circle, we saw a MOOSE running in the opposite lane towards the highway. We took a quick u-turn and scared the moose back into the neighborhood.

I think any day that you save the life of a moose is a good day.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #419566
02/16/17 03:54 AM
02/16/17 03:54 AM
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Blair Online
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LG, you have a heart of gold. I'm sorry to hear your dad is struggling so much. You are truly honoring your parents in spite of them not offering you the same respect when you needed it most. Hugs, sweet Lady.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: Blair] #419572
02/16/17 01:33 PM
02/16/17 01:33 PM
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Miranda Offline
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LG

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I'm still struggling with my husband's recovery from heart surgery and 6 months have gone by. They keep telling us these procedures take a very long time to heal from. I don't know if that's true. I hope it is because if this is my future? I don't know if I can bear it.

You are so dedicated to doing your best by everyone. I'm in awe of your beautiful soul. Your idea of writing letters vs calling each day is such a good one! Maybe just call once or twice a week now. Or even every other week? Who knows what the right intervals will be. Maybe you can write something each day and not mail it but a couple times a week. You will find something that works. You're so smart and with that conscientious heart, you're bound to figure something out.

Hugs to you for your struggle and your efforts


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: Miranda] #419873
03/02/17 11:55 PM
03/02/17 11:55 PM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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I need some help.

My dad's health has continued to deteriorate -- the time between falls gets ever shorter which is a very bad omen.

As an aside here, when Ruth Bader Ginsberg was asked what exercises she did, she replied "the ones that let you get on and off the toilet because that's the difference between dependence and independence" so next time you are groaning through your squats and lunges remember that and smile 'cuz that ain't ever going to happen to you.

He's currently in cardiac rehab and will be for another week.

His doctors have said he can either go home to 24/7 care ($3500/week) or move into assisted living.

Mother doesn't want to do either of those things, is shocked and surprised at this outcome even though we have been telling them for years, and is ANGRY.

I'm going down there next Wednesday, originally for my dad's 90th but now to give my sister some much needed help.

I am committed to staying until things are stable or I shoot myself. My guess is it will be a month.

I guess I have to stay with my mother. I could stay with my sister for a while, but that feels awkward.

I'm not doing this for my parents. I'm doing it for my sister.

Any ideas on how to get stubborn parents out of a house full of stairs?

Any ideas on how I'm going to keep my sanity?

I learned something interesting from my brother when my dad had the fall where I got to clean up his crap. When there is an emergency, walk don't run. You will appear to be calm and in control which will cause the victim's blood pressure to go down.

So the next time my dad fell, I walked into his room, explained that I understood the situation, and went to get more help, all the while thinking I can't believe I have to keep seeing my dad's wee wee.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #419876
03/03/17 01:10 AM
03/03/17 01:10 AM
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Does your father know and remember that he falls?

My dad was 93 and still very sharp about everything, but couldn't seem to remember or admit that he kept falling.

It was a nightmare. I went to Seattle to help my mother and stayed 8 months. It was a 24 hour a day job to keep my father from falling. Luckily, I slept in the basement and the floors were creaky so I was able to wake up when I heard dad wandering around.

We tried everything, telling him to call for assistance, tying a string and bell across his doorway with a note to remind him not to walk around. Nothing worked except watching him 24 hours a day.

Dad never fell while I was there, except twice. Once I was out doing the grocery shopping early in the morning, dad fell and called 911. My mother didn't hear him fall, but woke up when the Fire Department kicked in the front door. The other time I was at a dentist appointment.

Good luck.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: believer] #419877
03/03/17 01:31 AM
03/03/17 01:31 AM
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whatsupdoc? Offline
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Assisted living. Depending on the facility can be extremely comfortable. After a short period of adjustment, residents never want to leave.

We used to own a group home. They all hated bringing granny there.. (cost, visits etc.) later, they begged us to keep them, even when they needed to go to the next step - nursing care.
If you start visiting places, maybe with mom, she may consider..


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: whatsupdoc?] #419879
03/03/17 02:45 AM
03/03/17 02:45 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,690
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Chrysalis Offline
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My H talks a lot about "hip fractures waiting to happen." A hip fracture is very very very bad news.

When my mom went to assisted living she made the decision quite suddenly. It was the right decision though it made her very angry. My sister and I had been trading weeks to travel to stay with her 24/7 for a few months, and it just couldn't be sustained any longer.

When you go, you are going to have to look at both options. Interview in home aides. Wow, that is a lot of money but if they won't leave their home that is what they get to do. Then tour some assisted living facilities so you can get a feel for the ones that might work.

I can't help much with the mental stress but I know you can get through this. Put one foot in front of the other and do the necessary tasks. Pay attention to good nutrition for you and for everyone else.

I think it is common for parents to become angry and stressed when suddenly they are like children again and in need of help.


Chrysalis
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: Chrysalis] #419882
03/03/17 05:36 AM
03/03/17 05:36 AM
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Orchid2 Offline
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Another option is the hire a home nursing system. They come in shifts. It is expensive.

Do your parents have a long term care policy insurance policy? I know my uncle worked for the post office and didn't know he had a policy which allowed them to use it for my aunti when she could no longer live in their home (with stairs - she had the type of parkinson's where she couldn't walk.

If they are on a limited income, does your state or county have any programs for the elderly?

Take a look at: A Place for Mom

......or other facilities that can help.

I called a facility where MIL lived when she had her heart attack. I shared that contact info with 2 of her sons, in case it is needed later on.

This is hard and the family does better when all can pull together on this. It also helps when the parents are cooperative. When it isn't ideal, the focus still needs to be the same.

jmo,
Orchid

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #419898
03/03/17 04:23 PM
03/03/17 04:23 PM
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Consider contacting the local office of Adult Protective Services. They may be able to advise you on how to address this. Also, talk with the social worker/s assigned to your father while in rehab. They have a vested interest in assuring that folks are discharged to a viable and safe situation.

Their motivation in part is driven by the rather high penalties they face when a person is readmitted again shortly after discharge. Means the discharge time or arrangements were not adequate, and yes it has to do with the reimbursement issues ACA enacted.

I faced a similar circumstance with my mom back when. We kept her in her own home as long as logistically possible, but eventually reached the "point of no return." In her case, I contacted the local Alzheimer's Assn. and they guided us through how to stage an intervention to get her into an assisted-living facility.

There comes a time when stairs become an insurmountable hurdle, with or without supervision and assistance. Handling the inevitable vulnerability and fear they experience is a big part of getting them moved. Losing their sense of control, coupled with their inability to visualize moving to a safer space motivates much of the resistance you're facing.

Sending prayers for a gentle, expedient transition for your father and mother.
It's not easy.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: Orchid2] #419905
03/03/17 05:41 PM
03/03/17 05:41 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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I think this is where a combination of validating and boundaries are needed.

Validate that it stinks to get old. That it stinks to have less capacity. That it stinks to watch someone you love have less capacity. That it stinks when you and someone you love need help and have to give up independence. It stinks to feel dependent on others. It stinks that it is so expensive to buy help. They are entitled to rage against the coming dark. It is good to rage against it.

But that does not give them a right to take out their anger and fear on you. And you won't tolerate it.

She didn't tolerate your tantrums when you were a toddler raging against your lack of capacity. she didn't tolerate your tantrums when you were a teenager raging against your lack of independence. And you won't tolerate her tantrums.

And when she gets snarky about you accusing her of tantrums, stay calm. Validate that it irritates when someone accuses one of throwing a tantrum. But your boundary is that you won't refrain from calling her tantrums as such when they occur. If she wants to be treated as an adult, then she needs to behave like an adult. If she wants to throw tantrums, then she will be treated as the child she is emulating. Entirely her choice. Within her control. And a good way for her to exercise her agency, power and independence.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: holdingontoit] #419923
03/04/17 01:55 AM
03/04/17 01:55 AM
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Blair Online
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I don't have any suggestions. Just, know we'll be thinking of you. Hugs, sweetie. This is a tough situation all around.

Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: Blair] #419955
03/06/17 03:01 AM
03/06/17 03:01 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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After my first chemo, I laid in pools of my own vomit and shinola and urine for 10 hours. I couldnt get up. My husband was hunting, I had no way to call anyone and I had no idea who I could have called. I finally crawled my way to the bathtub and got in the hottest water I could bear. No worries about the mastectomy incision and infection.

I listened to Tommy banging on the bedroom door yelling, please let me help you Mom thinking, there is absolutely NO WAY in ANY circle of hell I will EVER allow a child of mine to see me this way. He finally gave up.

Id rather die. Thats not hyperbolic Id rather die than have one of my children see me like that.

FWIW, I do place an extremely low value on my life. Im just sure if I died tonight, everyone would move on just fine.

So, for me, in thinking back on my last visit to Dallas, *I* think the worst thing that could happen to Daddy happened. The WORST. His daughter and his son wiped his ass, his grandson got into the shower fully clothed to spray all of the crap off of him, and I almost threw up trying to empty the potty chair. That doesnt even touch on what happened two days before.

And I think it is indefensible that this witty man of dignity and grace would EVER be in that position again and I think Im the only one who sees that.

It makes me REALLY ANGRY that yall are willing to sit by and let mother dictate how this is going to go when we all know returning to that house is a looming death sentence for him brief upticks against a series of falls where he will eventually break something.

Im so discouraged to find that the meanest person doesnt just win on the national stage the meanest person my very own mother -- wins in my actual family.

Its not a level playing field between Mother and Daddy shes willing to be as mean as it takes to get what she wants and he wont. In my opinion, it is up to me to try to level that playing field for his benefit and Ill go to the mat with that woman if doing so will allow me to move forward with a clear conscience.

I do love you all SO MUCH but come on are you really OK with this?

Think of me as an advocate for Daddy. Im not trying to create a fuss between us but I do think that everyone is so focused on not pissing off that woman that youve lost sight of the fact that there is another person involved whose life would be IMMEDIATELY and MATERIALLY improved by moving to an assisted living environment.

She can sleep anywhere.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #419957
03/06/17 11:00 AM
03/06/17 11:00 AM
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Depending on the level of care he needs now, and the increase he will likely need in the foreseeable future, you advocate for a facility that can handle that scenario.

That was a problem we had. We were assisted living, not nursing care. Many clients and potential clients really needed nursing care, but the families did not want to face that. They wanted us to provide 24 hr personal assistance to their parent.

Some facilities half and half - that is less traumatic (moving places) for the resident.


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #419960
03/06/17 11:08 AM
03/06/17 11:08 AM
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Orchid2 Offline
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My mom and I were the primary care givers for one of my grandmothers. I did the cleaning after here and helping her bathe. It wasn't shameful, it was done out of love and I tried to keep my grandmother's dignity in tack.

The beautiful thing about my grandmother was that she never complained. We would laugh more than anything and she wold tell me about her 'watermelons' vs my tangerines or maybe persimmons. I was too small to be a cantaloupe, LOL!!!!

Whatever my grandmother needed to be comfortable was what I would try to do. I'd rather clean her up than leave her lying for any amount of time in a mess.

LG, next time you need help and your children ask to help, let them. You are teaching them to be caring.

Remember, even the Queen of England needs assistance at times. eek

I lost my shame after I gave birth. Those doctors and nurses saw everything.......I didn't want to be remembered as the patient who farted but the nurse said if I did, that's ok. She told me to be comfortable and the staff would work around it. LOL!!!! Ok, then...... wink

jmo,
Orchid

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #419969
03/06/17 03:44 PM
03/06/17 03:44 PM
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SmilingWife Offline
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Originally Posted By: LadyGrey
After my first chemo, I laid in pools of my own vomit and shinola and urine for 10 hours. I couldnt get up. My husband was hunting, I had no way to call anyone and I had no idea who I could have called. I finally crawled my way to the bathtub and got in the hottest water I could bear. No worries about the mastectomy incision and infection.

I listened to Tommy banging on the bedroom door yelling, please let me help you Mom thinking, there is absolutely NO WAY in ANY circle of hell I will EVER allow a child of mine to see me this way. He finally gave up.

Id rather die. Thats not hyperbolic Id rather die than have one of my children see me like that.

FWIW, I do place an extremely low value on my life. Im just sure if I died tonight, everyone would move on just fine.

So, for me, in thinking back on my last visit to Dallas, *I* think the worst thing that could happen to Daddy happened. The WORST. His daughter and his son wiped his ass, his grandson got into the shower fully clothed to spray all of the crap off of him, and I almost threw up trying to empty the potty chair. That doesnt even touch on what happened two days before.

And I think it is indefensible that this witty man of dignity and grace would EVER be in that position again and I think Im the only one who sees that.

It makes me REALLY ANGRY that yall are willing to sit by and let mother dictate how this is going to go when we all know returning to that house is a looming death sentence for him brief upticks against a series of falls where he will eventually break something.

Im so discouraged to find that the meanest person doesnt just win on the national stage the meanest person my very own mother -- wins in my actual family.

Its not a level playing field between Mother and Daddy shes willing to be as mean as it takes to get what she wants and he wont. In my opinion, it is up to me to try to level that playing field for his benefit and Ill go to the mat with that woman if doing so will allow me to move forward with a clear conscience.

I do love you all SO MUCH but come on are you really OK with this?

Think of me as an advocate for Daddy. Im not trying to create a fuss between us but I do think that everyone is so focused on not pissing off that woman that youve lost sight of the fact that there is another person involved whose life would be IMMEDIATELY and MATERIALLY improved by moving to an assisted living environment.

She can sleep anywhere.


Why is she refusing to get your father into assisted living? What are her reasons?

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: SmilingWife] #419975
03/06/17 04:49 PM
03/06/17 04:49 PM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: sw
Why is she refusing to get your father into assisted living? What are her reasons?


The short answer is she needs him to take care of her -- she's unable to drive and is more or less an invalid.

She doesn't want to leave the house. Period. He'd like to move but his wants and wishes are irrelevant to her.

I know this is a common fact pattern but good God -- what an incredible mess.

I just don't think I can bring myself to deal with that again, and I fear that's what I'm looking at doing when I go on Wednesday. If I can't do it without throwing up -- and I don't think I can -- I will have let down my siblings and I can't stand that idea.

My mother slept through both of my dad's toileting mishaps, so she has no idea what it was like.

I feel a LOT better since I sent that note. I'm not sure why. I haven't heard back from any of them and don't expect to as we will discuss all when we are together.

But I'm not budging even though I know I'm going to lose.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #419981
03/06/17 05:54 PM
03/06/17 05:54 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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As a lawyer you know the process to take this decision away from your father and mother. It will require immense fortitude on your part. It will be expensive and a huge time investment. It will likely create an irreparable rift with your mother and perhaps your siblings. It will undoubtedly require your siblings to take sides and likely not all will side with you. That is a huge price to pay.

Only you know if you can live with yourself for not paying that price and enduring the pain. Only you know what your conscience says you owe your father. Only you know whether putting yourself through that meat-grinder will feel like expiation for not standing up to your mother earlier. Only you know if this is the chance to once and forever cut ties with your mother. Only you can predict how you will feel when your mother bars you from ever visiting her or your father again and you have to rely on your siblings for news about your parents.

I have no idea what you should do. I feel for you. This is an excruciatingly difficult position to be in. I do know that it is an honor to be able to share your journey with you. Thank you for confiding in us.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #419994
03/06/17 07:40 PM
03/06/17 07:40 PM
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TC_Manhattan Offline
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Originally Posted By: LadyGrey
But I'm not budging even though I know I'm going to lose.


Seriously consider changing your mindset here.
Never assume you've automatically lost, or why bother in the first place?
If you hold your ground long enough, are persistent and relentless enough, sooner or later they will have to capitulate.

Remember, you can always get Adult Protective Services involved if you don't want to be the heavy in all this. Read up on guardianships. There are ways to even get them enacted on an emergency basis. Ask me how I know...

You, above anyone, can do this, LG.

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: holdingontoit] #419995
03/06/17 07:47 PM
03/06/17 07:47 PM
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TC_Manhattan Offline
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Originally Posted By: Holdingontoit
As a lawyer you know the process to take this decision away from your father and mother. It will require immense fortitude on your part. It will be expensive and a huge time investment. It will likely create an irreparable rift with your mother and perhaps your siblings. It will undoubtedly require your siblings to take sides and likely not all will side with you. That is a huge price to pay.

Only you know if you can live with yourself for not paying that price and enduring the pain. Only you know what your conscience says you owe your father. Only you know whether putting yourself through that meat-grinder will feel like expiation for not standing up to your mother earlier. Only you know if this is the chance to once and forever cut ties with your mother. Only you can predict how you will feel when your mother bars you from ever visiting her or your father again and you have to rely on your siblings for news about your parents.

I have no idea what you should do. I feel for you. This is an excruciatingly difficult position to be in. I do know that it is an honor to be able to share your journey with you. Thank you for confiding in us.


Hold, depending on the state of residence, guardianship can be a pretty cut-and-dried process. In my state, Probate Court dictates the attorney fees and legal process, so there's not much wiggle room for inflating billing. You just have to find an attorney who specialized in guardianships and probate work. I got my referral from the local Alzheimer's Assn., and ended up with a superb attorney who was also on their board as well as on the board of the county Adult Protective Services. She was a former Social Worker who went on to specialize as an attorney in just this work.

As for the fortitude part, well, I won't deny that will be a big part.

As for the irreparable rift, well from all LG has shared over time, that is a given.
It's been there for ages.

Yes, heroes have plenty of folks who don't like them either.
Just the way it goes. Do what you gotta do..

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: TC_Manhattan] #420003
03/06/17 10:50 PM
03/06/17 10:50 PM
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Chrysalis Offline
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I was thinking Adult Protective Services, too.


Chrysalis
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: Chrysalis] #420004
03/06/17 10:58 PM
03/06/17 10:58 PM
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H tried to get APS to go see his dad (dad in CA, WST in HI). They went out but MIL got all upset.

If the family is in agreement with the APS visit, it would make it easier.

May elderly fear this will make them lose their independence. Then parts of them want to be dependent and it creates so much inner and outer turmoil.

I hope APS or another agency can help your family through this process.

All the best,
Orchid

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: Orchid2] #420014
03/07/17 03:45 AM
03/07/17 03:45 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
L
LadyGrey Offline OP
Professional Attorney
LadyGrey  Offline OP
Professional Attorney
L
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
i think what i have decided to do is keep my mouth shut, keep a journal so I have a fact based argument (as opposed to "alternative facts" which have been defined in my family as anything you can get one other person to agree with), and cook.

I'm a good cook. I will fill their freezer with edible microwavable individually packed meals.

When I'm gone I will still be there when they eat my food.

I don't think I'll go back until one of them passes. It's SO hard on me, and in turn my husband and my family. I've got the rug in front of my chair memorized from staring into space.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #420030
03/07/17 03:40 PM
03/07/17 03:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 7,052
holdingontoit Offline
Global Moderator
holdingontoit  Offline
Global Moderator
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 7,052
T_C: Was your petition opposed? I am guessing LG's Mom would vigorously oppose the appointment of anyone other than herself. If your lawyer got a guardian appointed over a spouse's opposition, quickly and for a reasonable fee, then kudos to all involved. In all events, glad to hear it worked out for you in the end.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: LadyGrey] #420033
03/07/17 04:07 PM
03/07/17 04:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Miranda Offline
Global Moderator
Miranda  Offline
Global Moderator
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,424
midwest
Originally Posted By: LadyGrey
After my first chemo, I laid in pools of my own vomit and shinola and urine for 10 hours. I couldnt get up. My husband was hunting, I had no way to call anyone and I had no idea who I could have called. I finally crawled my way to the bathtub and got in the hottest water I could bear. No worries about the mastectomy incision and infection.

I listened to Tommy banging on the bedroom door yelling, please let me help you Mom thinking, there is absolutely NO WAY in ANY circle of hell I will EVER allow a child of mine to see me this way. He finally gave up.

Id rather die. Thats not hyperbolic Id rather die than have one of my children see me like that.

FWIW, I do place an extremely low value on my life. Im just sure if I died tonight, everyone would move on just fine.

So, for me, in thinking back on my last visit to Dallas, *I* think the worst thing that could happen to Daddy happened. The WORST. His daughter and his son wiped his ass, his grandson got into the shower fully clothed to spray all of the crap off of him, and I almost threw up trying to empty the potty chair. That doesnt even touch on what happened two days before.

And I think it is indefensible that this witty man of dignity and grace would EVER be in that position again and I think Im the only one who sees that.

It makes me REALLY ANGRY that yall are willing to sit by and let mother dictate how this is going to go when we all know returning to that house is a looming death sentence for him brief upticks against a series of falls where he will eventually break something.

Im so discouraged to find that the meanest person doesnt just win on the national stage the meanest person my very own mother -- wins in my actual family.

Its not a level playing field between Mother and Daddy shes willing to be as mean as it takes to get what she wants and he wont. In my opinion, it is up to me to try to level that playing field for his benefit and Ill go to the mat with that woman if doing so will allow me to move forward with a clear conscience.

I do love you all SO MUCH but come on are you really OK with this?

Think of me as an advocate for Daddy. Im not trying to create a fuss between us but I do think that everyone is so focused on not pissing off that woman that youve lost sight of the fact that there is another person involved whose life would be IMMEDIATELY and MATERIALLY improved by moving to an assisted living environment.

She can sleep anywhere.


I understand all of this down to the depths of my marrow. I live (or have lived) in a situation like this, where the meanest person gets their way. It's abhorrent. It's heinous. I would fight that too.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
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