Thanks SW, I think you may well be right on both counts. I haven’t spoken to my brother alone but I will tell him, I think it won’t mean much coming from a woman, I think it would have more meaning to him coming from another man. They have been getting outside help now though so that’s a good sign. His fiancé decided not to separate after all. They’re going on a week and a half trip and then they’ll be looking for their own home when they get back. I hope it all works out well for them.

I hope they can both work things out for the sake of their daughter. She needs them both.

I see you have a cake by your name....Happy birthday, NED!! May your special day be filled with love and chocolate cake!

Thanks so much Silverado! I’ve been having trouble with headaches including yesterday, but I’m going to celebrate with my family today.

Hope you had a headache-free celebration!

Sorry I missed wishing you a happy birthday, NED. Still largely a shambles on my end. Hope you managed to make it a day as lovely as you!

Hope your birthday was the best one yet!!!

Thanks cat, Miranda, and WuD? for the birthday wishes <3 I did have a headache, but it's gone now. I had a brain MRI and they found some swelling on my ear so i follow up with an ENT next week. Nothing to be worried about, but I may be finally free from headaches if that is the issue and I can resolve it.

Cat wow I had such an amazing time with you and your DH! I really appreciate you making time and room for me and your warm hospitality. It is such a beautiful thing to hear you find your voice and you and your family deserve your wise input.

Thanks for the things you helped me reason through, too. I am so excited, only 2 weeks until I move out to be with DD23. The working from home is going really well, I even got a kudos which is pretty rare here. I got renters, the people I told you about, and they're moving in Friday. It is such a crazy thing to cram my entire life into my car which I'm shipping and a few suitcases.

What an adventure, NED!

So jealous!

You know you all are welcome to visit anytime. And that working from Orlando worked so well I’d love to work a week in Houston one day. Work in the day, list on eBay all evening lol. Though I have to admit with this time crunch I’m in I didn’t get to do offer up or anything just dropped it all off at goodwill. Do you know if they sell all the stuff or trash half of it?

I don't really know. I did hear an ad from them this morning that said 95% of their money goes toward programs to help people.

Goodwill is a resale organization with stores in many areas. I know they have them in CA and HI. Donations and resale have helped many. There's one store on this island where it is located next to an expensive community. The clothes there are usually expensive name brands if excellent condition.

Conditions of items may vary from store to store. There are bargains to be had at times. Some even sell other items like furniture.

Also the condition of the store may vary so check them out individually as needed.

jmo,
Orchid

Thanks Cat, Orchid, you’re right, it doesn’t matter how much of the donations they will sell and how much they will toss it’s better whatever they can do than for me to buy storage for it. I’ve bought stuff from them for years including furniture, like you said a great resource.

Depressing depressing day. My brother I was posting about broke up. And another brother and his DW broke up too. So sad for my niece and nephews. But I get it sometimes breaking up is the definition of success.

NED,

Sorry to hear about your family's additional struggles. They may lean on you for guidance. Especially the children whom many even at a young age think their parent's split is the children's fault. That just hurts my heart so much.

I remember when my son asked question and I could feel his pain (plus see it in his eyes), it was heartbreaking and made me angry at WSt at the same time. I told WSt there is no excuse for him hurting his son, no excuse. I still stand by that statement.

Hugz to you and your family.

Orchid

Hugs, NED. Take extra time with your nieces and nephews right now. They'll need extra support.

Yes, I’m leaving to go to my DD Thursday so I won’t be able to visit my niece and nephews for a month, but I’ll be back for December and can get them together then. My sister too is living in her car but my place is already rented out so I can’t give her a place to stay. But I know as hard as it is that she’ll land on her feet. It helps being here seeing how folks change their lives every day.

NED,

Is there a shelter or temporary housing your sister can qualify for? Are the children minors? Some areas have emergency housing for displaced families.

Orchid

Where she lives there's a 211 service to direct to emergency housing but we've heard mixed stories because being housed with mentally ill folks, they can have angry outbursts so she feels safer in her car. My other family has housing so the kids are on regular schedule with school and all thankfully because previous breakups they were not focused on stability more on making a point. Previously one brother took the kids from their Mom and now they have more stable approach.

I have a good update, my sister's coworker offered her a room for rent and she's been there for a month now, yay stability!

I've been hard at work in the new year making time for exercise and nutrition. I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago but am healing well and being more cautious not to do too much too soon. I found a house of worship here and a 12 step meeting.

I also started with the online dating, I'm going to be really careful this time not to get too entrenched too soon.

Remind me....have you ever worked up your top ten list of what you need in a partner? In order of importance.

Good job getting settled. Be sure to not do too much on that ankle. Fingers crossed for fast healing.

SW I think maybe I had a top 5 list, so here’s my top 10, and suggestions?

Personal responsibility - self supporting, takes care of themself
Giving to others of time and resources
Faith practice, my family is Jewish and Christian so either would be a good fit
Family oriented
Intelligent, easy to talk to
Outgoing, would like to be around my family and friends
Easy to work with as a partner, is curious about others opinions
Happy person
Shows leadership at work or in community, not just going along for the ride
Reliable

Thanks Blair for the fingers crossed, I really appreciate how you Orchid and others are always there to support others!

NED,

Those are indeed a good list but where is the balance to all that goodness exuding from you to others? That's what throws most of us givers off balance. Y? Because of the very reason that we can't control others.

Where in your list will it show how you deal with someone who tries to interfere with your life while you see need to use your good list items? A controlling, manipulating and narcissistic type of person? Remember, such folks motives are not always easy to identify for a very specific reason, it would expose their true and dangerous motives vs the perceived ones.

So my take is your list is good but in this day and age, needs to be balanced with caution.

jmo,
Orchid