Better living with her parents than with his mother!

One would think. Here are a few of the things the FIL said to us on a recent visit to drop off a gift

1) TX is only a hot spot because the media says it is. LA is high too but they don’t talk about that (but also it is all overblown)

2) numbers are so high because the immunity test, which is the most widely used test, also picks up the common flu ( yes he said flu). ( this one I actually corrected him on, but he barely stopped talking)

3) my friend who is a doctor ( doubtful) and his wife is a nurse.....at the end of a shift she sent in 8 empty tests and the next day they all came back positive.

4)my friend who is a doctor (I think a different doctor/doubtful friend) told me I could go to the bad side of Tulsa and get myself shot dead in the street and they would record my death as Covid because

5) every public hospital—NOT private, only public, gets $37k for every Covid death

There was so much more.....including how Jesus is a combination of Zeus and something else that makes up the word Jesus.....so—Pagan.

I have never experienced anything like it. No one in my world is anywhere near this level of conspiracy theory.

SW,

What happened during the run up too, and the actual wedding of your DS?

It had to be pretty bad...

((((SW's friend))))

((((SW))))

SFB

I just can’t really find the words to explain it so y’all would get it. Mostly because it has to do with our faith and a lot of drama in our congregation that severely stumbled my son and all of it has devastated me.

It has been a year. I am hopeful. And I don’t cry every day now. He is a good young man and I am really proud of how he is doing in most areas.

There has been exactly one death attributed to covid in my county. It leaked out who it was and it was an elderly woman I knew. It was known her brain cancer come back last summer and wasn't expected to live very long. But you know... covid did it.

If she died in a car accident would you say the accident did not kill her because she had brain cancer?

Deaths have always been recorded listing all the things that contributed to the death. I have never seen a cause dismissed out of hand like people are dismissing Covid.

Then take that to the next logical level.

All deaths are due to lack of oxygen to the brain.

Fergie I don’t get your point. I am probably just not smart enough.

So. Life goes on. I miss all you people, but no one seems to post and there are no new posters

I mean Fergie never even answered me since last September and I was interested in discussing.

As for me.....I still have hope for my son and me, but it is moving slowly. I am much better but I do know I will never be the same person.

My bio dad died. That is a long story which I would,love to share if I thought anyone was reading here. I can’t go to the Celebration of life because of Covid and my sister really needs me and so things are rough.

My Dh and I are having MAJOR issues over the almost 20 year old we have living here who does not keep his room clean and who does not do his share of normal household chores.

Those are the highlights..

I'm sorry to hear about your bio dad. Covid has isolated everyone so much, and depression and health struggles are so common.

I would be happy to hear and be a sounding board. Share away.

SW my condolences to you and your family on losing your Dad. So sorry to hear it’s so rough right now

Hi Smiling Wife,

So sorry to hear about your family struggles, especially the death of your bio dad and your inability to go to the Celebration of Life. Is there a chance it might be livestreamed? I've participated in a few virtual services and while they are not the same, they do provide a sense of involvement and possibly the beginning of closure.

Just an additional thought. Even if there are very few of us braving the warnings affixed---possibly permanently---to this site, it might be helpful for you to post your thoughts you're willing to share anyway. I sometimes find that the act of writing things down serves a therapeutic purpose even if very few read and/or reply.

Not sure what to say regarding your 20 year old in your home. Sounds like boundaries may need to be considered.

Best wishes and hugz to you,
Ace

My sister is working on a zoom connection.

That's great news. I'm so glad your sister is helping. I hope you can feel peace, connection, and closure. Hugs for you. Hang in there.

SW, I check in here frequently and read the new posts. I would be honored to be a sounding board. Hugs.

Oh how I miss y’all. I miss Lady Gray and I miss SFB and Cat and Ned And Blair and Hold. I think this site is dying and I am sad about that. Y’all helped me through some rough days of my first marriage imploding and then the blending family thing. The last 2 years have literally been the worst of my life. I Am seriously surprised I am still alive.

Things are some better with my son, although the residual is still horrific. His anger toward me has subsided it seems. And the other day his wife who just had ankle surgery sent me a text that said, ‘ he is taking care of me, thanks for raising an amazing human.’

My best friend who survived what we were sure was certain death is now going through a marriage crisis. Life is never dull.

SW I miss you and the rest of the gang so much too. I appreciate Ace’s efforts to bump threads and feel so bad that now she’s finally retired we’re so dead here. I don’t know how to make the security thing go away. I wonder is it an option for the website hosting folks to give us a new website with no warnings and port our content over. So we can start offering help again.

Wow I’m so sorry to hear these have been the worst of your life. That sounds awful first the anger from your son then critical illness for your friend. We’re here.

On a personal note, I went into COVID with knee injuries and severe loss of mobility. I was told I needed surgery but of course COVID put that on hold. I’m reading that my story is pretty common. That weight loss, rest, cortisone injections, and physical therapy made enough of a difference that I no longer need the surgery.

No we're not "dead, dead".....just "mostly dead" (Any Princess Bride fans out there?)

Hey, there are 3 of us here on one day (if you count less than 24 hours a day).

SW how can we help you? So sorry it's been so tough for your family.

Ace

I have to chuckle at the Princess Bride quote - my son popped off with a quote just 15 minutes ago when I asked him if he had the key to the house ready when we pulled in the drive way. "I have no gate key." And my husband didn't miss a beat and said, "Tear his arms off Fezzik" And son replied "Oh, you mean this gate key!"

It comes out of the blue and I didn't see it coming!

Love good movie quotes!

SW, you still have support. We would like to help. Going through challenges is tough. And some kids grow up and realize they were not kind to their parents. (For me, that was at 13. I grew out of that stage fast.) You can't make your son behave. He had to make those life-learning experiences on his own. Like many of us, he chose to do it the hard way. Keep celebrating the small improvements and let his wife know that you appreciate her so you can maintain that connection.

Please share more. Hugs.

SW,

I miss the site that we used to have as well.

Security issues are easy to fix. I fixed mine in three days. In some ways it is a ransom, in others, just a scam. But it has killed this site.

Sorry that life has gone so sideways for you. I hope... nay, pray, that you can find a way back to your DH. With all the things in the world swirling around, it has just made smaller issues even larger.

A step son that is age 20, and not doing the minimum required? Sounds like a sS20 that needs to find a new place to live... That might be a harsh assessment from 12 lines you posted on a website... but it has been two years of heck for you.

Over 15 years, many of us have been through so much together. You are one of the strong ones. Remember that.

(((SW)))

SFB

Thanks SFB. I always seem to post when things seem the bleakest. Dh is wonderful and we get along well. He does seem to have a blind spot when it comes to dss19. I just want to scream when I come home to a messy kitchen. Not to mention how bad his bedroom is and the hall bath he uses. Nothing ever changes. I have repeatedly asked dh to tell dss he will start paying rent in May since they will be 2 years since he finished high school. Dh keeps delaying. I have talked to my sisters and several friends who have been through this young adult thing and they all agree the only real solution is for them to get their own place to live. Dss has a ‘plan’. His friend bought a fixer and when he gets it livable dss is going to rent from him. But it has been a year and going too slow for me.

Dss19 will be 20 in a few weeks. Not a bad kid. Works at Lowe’s close to 40 hours a week. He has some weird ideas about working though ... has resisted letting Lowe’s put him on full time. We have explained repeatedly that he needs the benefits. He has abided by our Covid guidelines for a year and I know it had been hard.,

He had close to 15k in savings. Last night he came to me and told me he was thinking about putting a large chunk of it into a movie theater stock through Robinhood. Apparently this
Is all the rage among young ones, but I disagree strongly with him putting money there. Especially 5k which is the number he mentioned. His friend put 7k in it. I made my feelings known. I told him he would be better off buying a house. He told me a recession is coming and a house won’t be worth anything. I told him ‘it is ‘worth’ a place to live.’ He shrugged and says ‘so is a tent’. I had to walk away.

Dh continued The conversation briefly. He told him it was a bad idea to put money into Robin Hood. And he reminded him that a lot of those ventures are people standing with their hand held out wanting something for almost nothing. Whereas if you work for your money it is more legitimate. And that to really invest in the stock market you need a lot more to start with.

Later I told DH that this is one more indication that DSS needs to be paying rent. Because he has it too easy and is not living in the real world.

SW,

Thanks for replying.

Its OK that he has invested at Robin Hood. Let him put $5k into AMC. If it fly's, great, if it crashes, even better. He learns something both ways. Neither of which you or DH could have taught him.

If it Flys, it teaches him that investing is a good idea, it builds for the future.

If it Crashes, he learns that his choices have consequences, and he needs to be a little more careful.

There are no "get rich quick" schemes. I get that. But $5k in the market? In 42 years? $360K.

I would say to him: "OK, put $1,00-$1,500 on AMC. Put the rest is a good Emerging Market, Tech, or Value fund."

Did I tell you that I tried to by Google when it went public? It was priced at $85 a share. It is $2,125 today. My broker said that the paperwork was "difficult" and I did not buy. I was going to buy 10 shares, I lost $20,400 because of that.

Just say yes.

(((SW)))

SFB

You can suggest he moves in with his friend so they can work on the fixer-house together. Explain that together they can fix it faster, and maybe he asks his friend that while they are fixing it that his work helping will pay his half of thecrent money. You and your DH's joint enthusiasm will encourage DSS to get out and start learning some things. (But only share all the positive things.) Then, sit back, and let him learn. He desperately needs to have those growth opportunities. Some kids need a it of a nudge to spread their wings and fly.