Thank you MEDC and Vitt, for understanding where I was coming from. You are correct, I know I wouldn't really want to be witness to that or to know that I had caused it.

As much as I'm told not to hitch my emotional well-being to someone else's horse, it still can hurt when I think someone I care about may not feel the same about me. I also think I understand where you were coming from.

(((((((ST)))))))

Vitt,

Thank you for your kind words. It really brightened my day.

-ATE

FWIW, AtTheEnd?, I think you just might win the prize this month for having the most multi-conversational-t/jed thread on MA.

I hope you enjoy your weekend.

One week after The Bomb she cited:
- her asking to leave my family reunion and by the time I finished my goodbyes, it was 45 minutes later (this was 7 years pre-bomb)
- my trying to get her to skinny-dip during a very secluded vacation moment (this was 5 years pre-bomb)
- a discussion (not argument) that we had re: sex (this was 15 years pre-bomb)
- I was "too helpful."
- my getting aroused when we would go to sleep spooning. Her IC told her this was "sexual abuse."

I kid you not.

Total, alien, scraping-the-bottom-of-the-barrel for ANY reason. She had just read Eat, Pray, Love: "I don't want to be married anymore."

I will never know the truth.
I no longer care.I wasn't clear, here. The long quoted passage was from a posting by a wise DB poster by the screen name of Snodderly.

Not sure why this thread is so hard to read tonight.

Thanks to....several things, I no longer carry the weight of the A, though it will always be a great regret. But sometimes I wonder why it took so long for me to see it clearly.....I wasn't stupid. I'm not foraging around for past pain here, but I think sometimes....we repeat patterns in thinking even if the actions we repeat are not the same.

L4's post hit me..



Now understand very very clearly that my A was absolutely and fully my responsibility. There is no excuse. But what she just stated.....I felt that so acutely for so many years before....and eventually for several years after.

This time around I knew what a dangerous place that was to be....and I also knew what would and would not ever change.

I started this post with a point, but I lost it.....I blame the fever I will say that no matter what pain I was in personally, I wish I could undo the pain I caused with the A. Not wallowing, just a fact.

I have been thinking a lot about how important our way of thinking is.....vulnerability led to some pretty rotten choices back in 2006. The key for me - in part - is how to choose my thinking when I am vulnerable.

I got something like a list, a complaint about a phone bill 22 years ago, true

Maybe because it is friday nite

Are you ok?

tink

Eh....I will prevail.

Ready to start work - too much time on my hands

Time for a revisit I guess