Who's Online Now
1 registered members (Blair), 2 guests, and 37 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.I declare myself MA's first official thread killer2
2.Am I still a doormat?2
3.Hearts Blessing1
4.Financial counselor says communication is key when mixing money and marriage - Grand Forks Herald0
5.Daughter says father made ominous threats if his wife sought a divorce - Portland Press Herald0
6.A Straight Spouse Of A Gay Husband Speaks Out0
7.Rise Above Past Relationship Failures - Psychology Today0
8.Toxic Relationship dynamics0
9.Ask Amy's very bad advice on affairs0
10.Women Who Don't Orgasm - Psychology Today0
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Does anyone remember this story?3
Validation to find-win-win slutions2
Things men want3
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation9
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
more >>
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: Vittoria] #157872
09/16/11 06:36 AM
09/16/11 06:36 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
Member
Squeaky Tree  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,407
Not quite here
Originally Posted By: Vittoria
I agree Medc. Remember, we've experienced it and are fully aware of just how crippling that hurt is. Not having had to experience it first hand, I could only imagine how awful it would be to discover an A, the imagination can never do that type of pain justice. Much like we can't ever know the pain of guilt for inflicting such hurt.

I see ST's point like you and I see her view of how no/little reaction can be seen as no/little care.


Thank you MEDC and Vitt, for understanding where I was coming from. You are correct, I know I wouldn't really want to be witness to that or to know that I had caused it.


Married 22years (this year) ~13y since dday(?)
DD17 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: Squeaky Tree] #157975
09/16/11 04:32 PM
09/16/11 04:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,064
Looking4 Offline
Member
Looking4  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,064
Originally Posted By: staytogether
Thank you MEDC and Vitt, for understanding where I was coming from. You are correct, I know I wouldn't really want to be witness to that or to know that I had caused it.

As much as I'm told not to hitch my emotional well-being to someone else's horse, it still can hurt when I think someone I care about may not feel the same about me. I also think I understand where you were coming from.

(((((((ST)))))))


Married 19 years
Two children - DS12 & DD10
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: Looking4] #157987
09/16/11 05:08 PM
09/16/11 05:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65
A
AtTheEnd? Offline OP
Member
AtTheEnd?  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65
Vitt,

Thank you for your kind words. It really brightened my day.

-ATE

Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: AtTheEnd?] #158021
09/16/11 08:06 PM
09/16/11 08:06 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,064
Looking4 Offline
Member
Looking4  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,064
FWIW, AtTheEnd?, I think you just might win the prize this month for having the most multi-conversational-t/jed thread on MA. smile

I hope you enjoy your weekend.


Married 19 years
Two children - DS12 & DD10
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: ] #158146
09/17/11 01:17 AM
09/17/11 01:17 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 512
Connecticut
Gardener Offline
Member
Gardener  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 512
Connecticut
Originally Posted By: tinkerbell
I have not been given an explanation, have you gotten one yet?
One week after The Bomb she cited:
- her asking to leave my family reunion and by the time I finished my goodbyes, it was 45 minutes later (this was 7 years pre-bomb)
- my trying to get her to skinny-dip during a very secluded vacation moment (this was 5 years pre-bomb)
- a discussion (not argument) that we had re: sex (this was 15 years pre-bomb)
- I was "too helpful."
- my getting aroused when we would go to sleep spooning. Her IC told her this was "sexual abuse."

I kid you not.

Total, alien, scraping-the-bottom-of-the-barrel for ANY reason. She had just read Eat, Pray, Love: "I don't want to be married anymore."

I will never know the truth.
I no longer care.
Originally Posted By: tinkerbell
I really do think what you put about it is a shell they aren't showing you all of who they are, or how you worded it. You have really delved into this, thinking about it. Thanks for posting it all, it helps.
I wasn't clear, here. The long quoted passage was from a posting by a wise DB poster by the screen name of Snodderly.


Peace,
Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, with fruit, with weeds even;
but gather them in the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: Gardener] #158154
09/17/11 01:28 AM
09/17/11 01:28 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
Member
herfuturesbright  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
Not sure why this thread is so hard to read tonight.

Thanks to....several things, I no longer carry the weight of the A, though it will always be a great regret. But sometimes I wonder why it took so long for me to see it clearly.....I wasn't stupid. I'm not foraging around for past pain here, but I think sometimes....we repeat patterns in thinking even if the actions we repeat are not the same.

L4's post hit me..

Quote:
As much as I'm told not to hitch my emotional well-being to someone else's horse, it still can hurt when I think someone I care about may not feel the same about me.


Now understand very very clearly that my A was absolutely and fully my responsibility. There is no excuse. But what she just stated.....I felt that so acutely for so many years before....and eventually for several years after.

This time around I knew what a dangerous place that was to be....and I also knew what would and would not ever change.

I started this post with a point, but I lost it.....I blame the fever smile I will say that no matter what pain I was in personally, I wish I could undo the pain I caused with the A. Not wallowing, just a fact.

I have been thinking a lot about how important our way of thinking is.....vulnerability led to some pretty rotten choices back in 2006. The key for me - in part - is how to choose my thinking when I am vulnerable.


Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: Gardener] #158155
09/17/11 01:29 AM
09/17/11 01:29 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
I got something like a list, a complaint about a phone bill 22 years ago, true

Last edited by tinkerbell; 09/17/11 01:33 AM.
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: herfuturesbright] #158156
09/17/11 01:32 AM
09/17/11 01:32 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
Maybe because it is friday nite

Are you ok?

tink

Last edited by tinkerbell; 09/17/11 01:34 AM.
Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: ] #158158
09/17/11 01:36 AM
09/17/11 01:36 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
Member
herfuturesbright  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
Eh....I will prevail. smile

Ready to start work - too much time on my hands

Re: WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it? [Re: AtTheEnd?] #445748
06/16/21 01:51 AM
06/16/21 01:51 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,565
New Zealand
Lil Offline

Member
Lil  Offline

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,565
New Zealand
Originally Posted by AtTheEnd?
This subject came up in another thread and felt it deserved it's own. What brings the WS/WAS out of their "fog"? How long does it take? What is the next step for the WS? How do they feel? Where is the BS at this point? How often does this snapping out of it happen (possibly never)? Once they our out of it, do they want to return, or do they just move onto another relationship?

Feel free to add more and expand on this subject.

-AtTheEnd?


Time for a revisit I guess smile


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Moderated by  Chrysalis, Fiddler, Miranda 

Newest Members
Love_Smacked, starfire, JoyfulMimi, bruers, shattered72
2048 Registered Users
Latest Topics(Posts)
Hearts Blessing2
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
63 Marriage Facts1
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Updates Divorce Stats4
no more rainbow members?9
BR - The Art of War - Sun Tzu5
Questions & Answers About Marriage---responses from 7-10 year old kids4
seeing new members on mobile version5
Return of the Goddess31
Community Information
2048Members
1Penalty Box
6Suspended

42

Forums
8500Topics
463368Posts
 
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1
(Release build 20180111)
Page Time: 0.022s Queries: 15 (0.008s) Memory: 3.2386 MB (Peak: 3.4465 MB) Zlib enabled in php.ini Server Time: 2021-09-17 10:13:23 UTC