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Re: The Next Stage - Plan B, Protection Phase [Re: SFB] #445815
08/02/21 11:56 PM
08/02/21 11:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,147
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Fergie Offline
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Fergie  Offline
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Originally Posted by SFB
Do you know about Plan A/B and what they are all about?

Yeah, I do. And I think in the real world the only Plan A that works is in a Dead Bedroom where the person implementing Plan A is the low libido spouse. Which is statistically zero in real life.

The rest is just duded-up advice most normies (who aren't immersed in marriage advice forums) would give, except it's rules and nomenclature would make most average people look at anyone explaining like they had two heads.

Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the good grift MB has going. If people want to throw money at you, more power to you.

But marriage is about compatibility. If your spouse is cheating on you, you aren't compatible. Most average people get that.

Originally Posted by star*fish
What I appreciate about Plan B for instance--is that if a BS can successfully disengage from the affair and do some self-nurturing, they are infinitely better off if the marriage cannot be saved.

I wouldn't call it self-nurturing. I would call it "the need to figure out what's wrong with you, because you want to stay with someone who is incompatible with you".

Re: The Next Stage - Plan B, Protection Phase [Re: Fergie] #445817
08/03/21 12:08 PM
08/03/21 12:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,121
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SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,121
Originally Posted by Fergie
Originally Posted by SFB
Do you know about Plan A/B and what they are all about?

Yeah, I do. And I think in the real world the only Plan A that works is in a Dead Bedroom where the person implementing Plan A is the low libido spouse. Which is statistically zero in real life.

The rest is just duded-up advice most normies (who aren't immersed in marriage advice forums) would give, except it's rules and nomenclature would make most average people look at anyone explaining like they had two heads.

Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the good grift MB has going. If people want to throw money at you, more power to you.

But marriage is about compatibility. If your spouse is cheating on you, you aren't compatible. Most average people get that.

Originally Posted by star*fish
What I appreciate about Plan B for instance--is that if a BS can successfully disengage from the affair and do some self-nurturing, they are infinitely better off if the marriage cannot be saved.

I wouldn't call it self-nurturing. I would call it "the need to figure out what's wrong with you, because you want to stay with someone who is incompatible with you".


I was separated and had filed for divorce when I did what I called my plan B.

So you believe everyone who has an affair does not deserve a chance to repair their marriage?

Re: The Next Stage - Plan B, Protection Phase [Re: SmilingWife] #445818
08/04/21 10:43 PM
08/04/21 10:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,147
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Fergie Offline
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Fergie  Offline
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Originally Posted by SmilingWife
So you believe everyone who has an affair does not deserve a chance to repair their marriage?

First, <insert Clint Eastwood> deserves got nothing to do with it. "Deserve" is a strong word.

Second, personally? No. Realistically? Yeah, sure. Because there is nuance when it comes to infidelity. An emotional affair isn't the same as a physical affair. A one night stand that is confessed immediately isn't the same as a months/years long affair. Personally I think a low libido betrayed spouse who unilaterally decides their spouse should go without sex "deserves" to be cheated on.

A spouse who cheats over not feeling their spouse wasn't "nice" enough (exception being denial of physical sex) is just a disordered individual indulging themselves. Plan A don't work in the real world.

Re: The Next Stage - Plan B, Protection Phase [Re: Fergie] #445819
08/05/21 01:13 AM
08/05/21 01:13 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Lil  Offline OP

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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Originally Posted by ferg


A spouse who cheats over not feeling their spouse wasn't "nice" enough (exception being denial of physical sex) is just a disordered individual indulging themselves. Plan A don't work in the real world.


Recovered since July 2010......


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The Next Stage - Plan B, Protection Phase [Re: Lil] #445820
08/06/21 12:47 AM
08/06/21 12:47 AM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,147
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Fergie Offline
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Fergie  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Originally Posted by Lil

Recovered since July 2010......
So?

There was a former member here who was "recovered" and I silently disagreed with him. I thought he was making a mistake and doing it for the wrong reasons. He ended up finally divorcing her after she contacted her affair partner again. He said he stayed because he didn't want to lose half his shinola. He wanted to protect his kids from her disordered behavior and wanted to experience them growing up. I can't argue against that. But on the other hand he can't argue against I was right.

So you see, you can claim Plan A works and I can't refute it.
But I didn't do Plan A. I'm the same as I was before and just found someone more compatible. And you can't refute that is a perfectly fine way to go. Maybe better.

Re: The Next Stage - Plan B, Protection Phase [Re: Fergie] #445821
08/06/21 01:04 AM
08/06/21 01:04 AM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,121
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SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,121
Originally Posted by Fergie
Originally Posted by Lil

Recovered since July 2010......
So?

There was a former member here who was "recovered" and I silently disagreed with him. I thought he was making a mistake and doing it for the wrong reasons. He ended up finally divorcing her after she contacted her affair partner again. He said he stayed because he didn't want to lose half his shinola. He wanted to protect his kids from her disordered behavior and wanted to experience them growing up. I can't argue against that. But on the other hand he can't argue against I was right.

So you see, you can claim Plan A works and I can't refute it.
But I didn't do Plan A. I'm the same as I was before and just found someone more compatible. And you can't refute that is a perfectly fine way to go. Maybe better.


I don’t disagree with you. Keeping one’s children’s FOO together is a powerful motivator. I see the fall out from failing at that daily….I am happier being rid of my cheating Xh, but it hurts me so bad that my son’s family is broken.

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