I would like an update too.

Me three.

Pretty much the same. Mrs Hold under great stress. Her mother fell and broke her ankle and needs surgery. Mother may not be able to live in her house again. Mrs Hold is only child so all financial issues with house and aides and moving into a care facility falls on Mrs Hold.

Plus Mrs Hold continues to have her own medical issues to deal with. Not life threatening but chronic and annoying and in some respects untreatable so the symptoms grate on her. Understandably.

D24 does not have many friends in the city where she has been living for 3 years, so she is sad and looking for a change. D24 has much of my pessimistic attitude so she dreads rather than looking forward to change. This weighs on Mrs Hold as well. S27 seems to be on an upward swing of the pendulum. He got a career adviser who seems to be helping him plot a course forward, and the pandemic has loosened up a bit. Between dating and group outdoor activities his mood is much improved. That is truly a blessing.

Finally, Mrs Hold may have to stop the part-time job she has been doing for over a decade because of the demands of caring for her mother. She really likes that job. Her hours have been cut back drastically during the pandemic because her former position involved lots of in-person contact. Losing what little she has left feels to her like the end of an era.

Fortunately work is going well for me, so I can cover Mrs Hold's reduced income. We still do not have enough saved to prevent a major reduction in standard of living in retirement, but that is entirely a result of our choices over the decades and how we decided to spend our money. I am content to deal with it when it happens. Many have far less than us. Mrs Hold sees it as a major problem that I should work harder to overcome.

Still, we get along reasonably well on most days. She wishes I put more effort into trying to cheer her up when she get down. She claims I do not care about her. I do care. But there is a limit on how codependent I am willing to be. I am more grey rock toward her than she wants when she gets down. She is displeased when she tries to send me to the doghouse and I don't wimper and grovel. But whereas doghouse stints often lasted many days or even several weeks back when I groveled, now she almost always gets over her umbrage within a day of being miffed. Sometimes even the same day. I much prefer this to the prior mechanism.

I will have to read the rest of the boards to see how everyone is doing. Anyone who wants to provide an update, please feel free to post on this thread.

Hold,

I found the same as you have when I was with Daryl. The less I reacted to his “punishments” the shorter they were. I’m glad that’s working for you.

I think of you all often. With fondness, and hope that progress happens, in whatever form that takes. Life is hard, no matter what. At least that’s been my experience. Mine has been a lot harder than most it seems. Im determined to find ways to “gather roses” with what time I have left.

Love and peace and joy to you.

Randa

Hold,
Prayers that MIL heals from her broken ankle and that Mrs. Hold has the strength to handle the stress ahead. Keep being you my friend.

Hey Hold,

Thanks for the offer. Hope all have healed from your Jan. 31 update.

Mr. Ace and I are doing well....dealing with a few minor health challenges here and there.

Grateful for many things about our lives---kids, grandkids, family and friends.
Trying not to take things for granted.

Hope others are doing well, too.

If not, how can we help?



Thanks to all for dropping by.

Ace

Yes Hold I hope Mrs. H and her Mom are recovering well and that her Mom got settled wherever she’s living now. I hope now we’re past the worst of the quarantining that it will be easier for DD24 to make friends where she lives. So cool that DS27 has hit his stride.

My DD26 has some roommates moving out there from here. I think she met them online. My DD20 is back in in person school, who knew that would become a privilege but she’ll enjoy it while she can. Hopefully she can do an in person internship, a remote one may be difficult to learn the ropes.

I’m having knee surgery next month, hopefully it all goes well. I’m grateful my new remote job is going well and that I will get time off to recover.

Praying for your quick recovery from your surgery. Hopefully we'll be able to see you in the fall. Hard to believe it's been almost 7 years since we had our mini-MA beach gathering.



Thanks for the venting thread, Hold. Hope you're doing well.

Ace

Thank you for the offer Hold. This place has been vewy vewy quiet lately! My posting seems to have diminished around the time COVID started up.

My pandemic project was writing a book (with a co-author) about the interpersonal communication skills I've posted about here. It was published earlier this month and was actually sold out of the paperback version fairly quickly. I'm starting a coaching business that I'm hoping will make up for the income reduction when I retire (probably next year). As part of researching into that, I am finding much confirmation regarding the importance of effectively communicating in marriage, and how ineffective so many of us are at it. I am also seeing its importance in all situations, and am noticing how badly it is being done by both sides of the political spectrum these days.

CONGRATULATIONS on your book, Fiddler. If you can't give the title here, please PM it to me along with info on how to acquire one when it's reprinted. If not, maybe I can find a copy in our local library.

Thanks,

Ace

Thank you Ace! The title is "Hear Here" and Amazon has restocked it!

Need it.

Found it.

Ordered it.

Should get it Wednesday.

Only 18 left (now 17) on Amazon.

THANKS!

Thank you so much! I'd so interested in your feedback.

Yes Ace I hope to be more mobile again soon! Fiddle I’m so excited! I read on Kindle app so much purchase will leave the few copies left. I can’t wait to read it ☺️

Thanks NED! I am looking forward to thoughts & feedback about it. One of the motivating factors was the passing of my (and my coauthor's) mentor just as COVID was hitting. We both felt strongly that her teachings on communication were so unique and amazing that they had to be put out into the world.

Fiddler, glad you were able to honor and make a memorial for your friend and mentor. I hope it helps many people. Never resonated for me, but I can see how it might give others a new perspective on communication.

Thank you hold.

When I first encountered the approach to interpersonal communication It didn't resonate for me either. It was only after I found that they worked amazingly well at home, far more effectively than what several marriage counselors had taught us.

It looks like you have reached a reasonably stable place in your marriage. It may not be 100% ideal (what is?), but you are mostly content with the status quo now. I do wish you all the best in that.

Annual update:

MIL is living in a facility. She cannot walk or transfer herself to a wheelchair so she is bed-bound without the use of an industrial hoist. The facility has one so they get her upright every morning. They tried to have her do physical therapy to see if she could learn to transfer by herself - which might enable her to move back into her house - but she refused to do the work. So it seems she will remain in the facility indefinitely. Weighs on Mrs. Hold but not much to be done. You cannot help those who don't want to be helped (as I well know).

My Mom is doing well. She has a boyfriend. We should all be as active as she is in her 80s.

Mrs. Hold doing well. She has adjusted to not working outside the home. She travels with her travel buddy girlfriend. She visits her Mom. Sometimes I join her and sometimes I stay home with our dog. We get along reasonably well. Much more hugging than early in our marriage. I still get sent to the doghouse regularly but she actually apologized the last time for being so negative!

Son has a steady girlfriend and I think they intend to marry but they haven't announced publicly. She seems nice. We live on opposite coasts so we don't see him or her very often. Son moved through 3 jobs last year. He likes the one he has now. Getting rehired within weeks of getting fired shows that his state-school degree isn't hindering his career as some in my snooty family predicted when we opted to save money over private schools with lower ranked programs.

Daughter is unhappy with her current job so she is applying to business school. She got follow-up interviews from all the schools she applied to, so decent chance she will get into at least 1 more (she got into the one part-time program, waiting to hear from all the full-time ones). She struggles with self-esteem (as do her parents). Since we are intimately familiar with the issues we can help her deal with acute bouts. The long-term remains an issue, but if I knew how to grow self-esteem I would implement the solution for myself. Both of her parents are willing to settle for sub-optimal outcomes from major life choices, so we can't criticize her choices without being incredible hypocrites.

Glad to hear Fiddler's book is doing well. He has much to offer those willing to put in the work to learn new skills.

Wishing all a wonderful 2023.

Hold thanks for the update! So good to hear that you all get to travel, you deserve some fun! Do you have a retirement date in mind too?

Sounds like y’all made some sound decisions with your son. Good for him for not setting for the wrong job!

Sorry to hear your daughter is struggling with self esteem, a bad job can do that. Hopefully success in the new school will help her feel more accomplished.

Wishing you a wonderful 2023 too!