Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 3 guests, and 30 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.How to deconstruct a marriage.0
2.I am Sick, I am Sad, and I am needing some support.0
3.SIHW is back and Dealing with issues....0
4.looking for some support0
5.Social Networking Sites and Infidelity0
6.Signs of Infidelity0
7.The Difference Between Cheating and Infidelity?0
8.Not really sure how to survive0
9.The Five Big Lies That Keep You From Changing0
10.Pregnant and getting put out of the house by my husband0
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Does anyone remember this story?3
Validation to find-win-win slutions2
Things men want3
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation9
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
more >>
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 3 1 2 3
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #43333
01/01/11 06:24 PM
01/01/11 06:24 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
Cajun I read your post and have to wonder what is in your H head. I really think he wants you where he knows you are. Why else would he wait to see you and wait on the phone.

Does anyone know what she can do to step up him seeing through the fog? I haven't a clue, I did it all wrong and pushed mine out of orbit.

I
1. told my girls
2. told a very respected family member of his who he then did not read the letters that were sent to him
3. I sent him a ton of letters but when he was home for the bit I saw he never opened any of them

...what does that mean if they don't open any letters? denile, guilt?
4. then we moved he left I was a bit shaky on moving

5. Oh important when moved for the bit I was thinking hum do I really want him now

6. then deserted and basketcase I became, calling, showing up, cookies, feel like in jr high am way too old for this stupid stuff too many years with him

7. not too good of a plan a

8. very shaky start to plan b

AS YOU CAN SEE BY ME KNOWING ABOUT HO WARS

remember your kids saying 1,2,3,4 now it's time for thumb wars? that comes to mind but with ho

I have to find a bright side to this somehow...and the ow I mean the oow (other other woman) well it is a shocking thing I can't put here if you pm me I can tell you the shocking who it is it is shocking

OK CAJUN I THINK HE IS FENCE SITTING, AND YOU SEE HIM AND HEAR HIM....DON'T TAKE MY ADVISE IT COULD BE BAD...

tink

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #43336
01/01/11 06:40 PM
01/01/11 06:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
Member
wiser_now  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
Tink,

I'm going to very gently suggest something to you. This is my very personal opinion...

Quit calling the OW ho's.

Your energy should be on lifting YOURSELF up without tearing anyone else down. When you call them names, it only lifts you up in comparison to them. YOU ARE A LOVING, GOOD PERSON WITHOUT THAT COMPARISON.

All along, people have been telling you to CONCENTRATE ON YOU.

Do you see how your concentration on THEM is hurting you? How it's taking away YOUR healing?

Dear Tinkerbell... you have a choice, here. You can take all that energy from THEM and put it on YOU... or... you can continue to think about what your H is doing/ thinking/ feeling... and about OW(s) - how rotten, evil and terrible they are.

Please, put yourself in the center of your orbit and do what needs to be done to heal yourself.


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: wiser_now] #43338
01/01/11 06:46 PM
01/01/11 06:46 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
I think you told me this before I know you have. Ok Ok, I know I read this book or part of it about intention ...

You are right, it gives me an outlet but it is letting me avoid becoming a stronger person and ok I get it, it is like taking the focus off of me making myself stronger like contacting them is letting them focus on you instead of what they did wrong.

new beginning I remember this before so this is the second time you have mentioned this to me........

drag a 2 x 4 next time and cyber smack me

I can almost hear it being drug.....

lol

tink

:hny!:

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #43341
01/01/11 06:52 PM
01/01/11 06:52 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
Member
wiser_now  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
2x4's are for building houses, tink. For building people, I far prefer support of the non-wooden variety.

You're stubborn, but that will serve you well in healing your body and your soul... so I don't want you to stop that!

What I want you to do is TURN AROUND - go a different direction. Go to the mirror, look at yourself... deep into your own eyes... take care of that person! She deserves it!


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: wiser_now] #43351
01/01/11 07:19 PM
01/01/11 07:19 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,737
Vittoria Offline
Member
Vittoria  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,737
haha, just getting caught up here now .......

Best to starve the dragon of the fire, not feed it, so I regress. grin

Stay cute tink, sometimes all we get out of this is a chuckle.
I do agree with staying dark and not worrying about WH's antics, which it sounds like he has his share and then some.



26 yrs. married
There's nothing more powerful than a woman with an open heart ......
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #43359
01/01/11 07:58 PM
01/01/11 07:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
L
LivingWell Offline
Member
LivingWell  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
Originally Posted By: tinkerbell
.....it gives me an outlet but it is letting me avoid becoming a stronger person......

oooooh, tink......how about exploring that concept in your thread?


Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: LivingWell] #43383
01/01/11 09:23 PM
01/01/11 09:23 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
It is a new year, no more, my mission is to be a stronger person. As in sleeping enough, enjoying a good book, when I catch myself thinking about him stopping it, nc, being me, the person I have always been just have been so busy being a wife/mom haven't given myself me time in a while.

tink

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #212610
03/02/12 05:03 AM
03/02/12 05:03 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline

Member
Lil  Offline

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Quote:
The Ten Commandments of Severance

by Suzanne Finnamore

Thou shalt not call.

Thou shalt not trust anything your Soon-to-be-Ex (STBX) says - also it is verboten to expect or request comfort. The assassin is no refuge.

Thou shalt not go through memory boxes or wedding albums.

Thou shalt not meet face to face with your for any reason.

Thou shalt not direct remarks toward the STBX, should one inadvertently be faced with extended presence and/or voice of the STBX.

Vampires need to be invited in: thou shalt not invite the STBX into your head, your home, or rise to conversational bait no matter how bold or unjust.

Thou shalt utilize caller ID and not answer their phone calls.

Thou shalt, if strictly necessary, call their work phone after hours for return messages.

Thou shalt refrain from sarcastic remarks, judgement, personal commentary or volunteered information.

Thou shalt not attempt to negotiate, cook, massage their pencil neck, or make flirty yet seemingly casual contact of any kind. Game over. Thou shalt not express feelings to the STBX. The expressing of feelings has been fully explored.


Here


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: Lil] #213039
03/04/12 09:16 AM
03/04/12 09:16 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,467
right here waiting Offline
Board of Directors
President
right here waiting  Offline
Board of Directors
President
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,467
Oh, that's rich, lil. And spot on.

I especially liked "The assassin is no refuge." True not just of STBX's, but actively affairing spouses.

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: right here waiting] #213274
03/05/12 01:21 PM
03/05/12 01:21 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,806
NewEveryDay Offline
Advocate
NewEveryDay  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,806
Quote:
Thou shalt not attempt to negotiate, cook, massage their pencil neck, or make flirty yet seemingly casual contact of any kind. Game over. Thou shalt not express feelings to the STBX. The expressing of feelings has been fully explored.


I should cross-stich this one and put it in my living room smile


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: NewEveryDay] #213695
03/07/12 04:34 AM
03/07/12 04:34 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
massage? who does that in nc?

come on what is wrong with giving them a massage?

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: Lil] #213709
03/07/12 10:07 AM
03/07/12 10:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,189
A
Amazin Offline
Member
Amazin  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,189
Originally Posted By: lildoggie
Quote:
The Ten Commandments of Severance

by Suzanne Finnamore

Thou shalt not call.

Thou shalt not trust anything your Soon-to-be-Ex (STBX) says - also it is verboten to expect or request comfort. The assassin is no refuge.

Thou shalt not go through memory boxes or wedding albums.

Thou shalt not meet face to face with your for any reason.

Thou shalt not direct remarks toward the STBX, should one inadvertently be faced with extended presence and/or voice of the STBX.

Vampires need to be invited in: thou shalt not invite the STBX into your head, your home, or rise to conversational bait no matter how bold or unjust.

Thou shalt utilize caller ID and not answer their phone calls.

Thou shalt, if strictly necessary, call their work phone after hours for return messages.

Thou shalt refrain from sarcastic remarks, judgement, personal commentary or volunteered information.

Thou shalt not attempt to negotiate, cook, massage their pencil neck, or make flirty yet seemingly casual contact of any kind. Game over. Thou shalt not express feelings to the STBX. The expressing of feelings has been fully explored.


Here


At first I thought I should print those commandments out and post them on my mirror. But I don't really have a problem with NC.

I went to the link that Lil provided, explored some of the other pages there and found a real nugget that is going on my mirror instead.

Quote:
The opposite of love is NOT hate. It is INDIFFERENCE. When you get to the point where you just plain don't care WHAT that person is doing, how they're doing it and who they're doing it with, you will know that you are OVER IT. OVER THEM. And there is no greater revenge than NOT giving that person ANY MORE POWER over you or your thoughts.


I'm pretty close to "Indifference" but I don't think I can get completely “Indifferent” until my divorce is finalized.


Moral courage is the most valuable and usually the most absent characteristic in men.
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: Amazin] #213802
03/07/12 07:40 PM
03/07/12 07:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,791
Surface of the sun
silentlucidity Offline
Member
silentlucidity  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,791
Surface of the sun
Quote:
I'm pretty close to "Indifference" but I don't think I can get completely “Indifferent” until my divorce is finalized.

nod


Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: silentlucidity] #229178
05/02/12 07:01 PM
05/02/12 07:01 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
why did I think "mending" was a good idea




Last edited by tinkerbell; 05/02/12 07:09 PM.
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #229186
05/02/12 07:11 PM
05/02/12 07:11 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
L
LivingWell Offline
Member
LivingWell  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
Not sure what "mending" is. If you have time, will you explain it?

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: LivingWell] #229299
05/03/12 01:43 AM
05/03/12 01:43 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
for to fade Offline
Member
for to fade  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,409
You know livingwell, haven't you heard people say they want to mend their marriage? I have and I thought at first, thats it we need to mend, it sounds so nice.

Just a tiny crack over there to mend.

So mending to me, they stop the affair, a marriage counselor talks to you both, many books are read, you go to couples weekend retreats and remember you two as a couple. Stuff like that.

I vaguely remember telling this "person" "my husband wouldn't do this, he is not this type of man"

OMG He was probably laying there buck naked as I said it.

It was a lady smurf meets hellhound moment.


Last edited by tinkerbell; 05/03/12 01:55 AM.
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: ] #229306
05/03/12 02:22 AM
05/03/12 02:22 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
L
LivingWell Offline
Member
LivingWell  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
Yes, I've heard that term used now that you mention it. I think that I must be on overload as far as terms from different programs go because I thought that "mending" was just one more. laugh

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: LivingWell] #318843
10/16/13 01:43 AM
10/16/13 01:43 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline OP
Board of Directors
AntigoneRisen  Offline OP
Board of Directors
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
Bump


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: AntigoneRisen] #338266
03/09/14 09:08 AM
03/09/14 09:08 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline

Member
Lil  Offline

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Bump


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: Lil] #338267
03/09/14 10:34 AM
03/09/14 10:34 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,039
lost rabbit Offline
Member
lost rabbit  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,039
Love the Severence rules.. they sure worked a treat with my H. My usual line was Im fine, the animals are fine, did you want something? To which I never got a reply as it was comfort he was seeking and I certainly wasnt going to give him that!


Once was lost but now found and happily married!

The story
http://www.marriageadvocates.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php/topics/34625/Where_do_I_go

Re: If You're in No Contact, Stop Talking to Your Spouse! [Re: AntigoneRisen] #445556
05/21/21 03:27 AM
05/21/21 03:27 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Lil Offline

Member
Lil  Offline

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,566
New Zealand
Bump


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Page 3 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Chrysalis 

Newest Members
Love_Smacked, starfire, JoyfulMimi, bruers, shattered72
2048 Registered Users
Latest Topics(Posts)
Hearts Blessing4
Woman urges NC lawmakers to end child marriage: For her it was a ‘life sentence’3
63 Marriage Facts1
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs3
Updates Divorce Stats4
no more rainbow members?9
BR - The Art of War - Sun Tzu5
Questions & Answers About Marriage---responses from 7-10 year old kids4
seeing new members on mobile version5
Return of the Goddess31
Community Information
2048Members
1Penalty Box
6Suspended

42

Forums
8500Topics
463376Posts
 
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1
(Release build 20180111)
Page Time: 0.030s Queries: 14 (0.007s) Memory: 3.3306 MB (Peak: 3.6458 MB) Zlib enabled in php.ini Server Time: 2021-10-20 23:12:34 UTC